|WARNING: PROFANITY FOLLOWS|
|The following content contains profanity that may not be suitable for readers of all ages. Please proceed with caution.|
|Season 1, Episode 3|
|Directed by||Quentin Tarantino|
X 10: The Unnecessary And Still Completely Noobish Reboot That's Supposedly Better Even Though The Original Only Started A Week Or Two Ago is the third episode of the new Mack 10.
It parodies the incompetently gritty reboots of the "____ 10" format of fanfiction.
I was 16 when I saw my first dead body.
Call me X. Just X. I have a real name, but if you're smart, you won't remember me long enough for it to really matter. If you decide to keep reading this, you'll be in just as much trouble as I am. If you read this until the end, run. Just run. It doesn't matter where. No matter where you stop, they'll be able to find you, so for the love of god, keep moving. Keep running and running, and maybe, just maybe, you'll survive.
My name is X.
And this is the story of how I discovered the beginning of something relatively recent.
[X]: “Dad, I’m home!”
X walked into his house carrying fifteen bags of money he had taken after stopping bank robbery with his le epix move skillz. He knew that making off with the money with a crime scene wasn’t a good idea, but he had panicked and done the completely natural thing of taking stolen bank money in the heat of the moment. Now, you may be asking why he didn’t just reconsider this and drop the money on his way home.
Good for you.
[???]: (Walks into the room to see X) “Now X, you know that I, Dr. Tran, your completely unique and non-generic mentor figure, am not your father, but am actually your genius scientist uncle friend man.”
[X]: “But my real parents have been dead for years, and I’ve always seen you as a father figure!”
[Dr. Tran]: “Good for you. Now, do you want us to have a long, boring conversation about things that won’t matter in the rest of the story, or do you want to just skip to the action with no proper buildup whatsoever?”
[X]: “The action, duh! Does choosing the action mean we’ll be able to skip boring monologues entirely?!”
[Dr. Tran]: (Laughs) “No, son. There’ll be plenty of time for that bullshit later. Plenty of it.”
X suddenly tripped and fell down a flight of stairs into a secret basement and started vomiting rainbow blood.
[X]: (Gurgling) “(o)_(O) What’s (o)_(O) happening (o)_(O) to (o)_(O) me?!”(o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O) (o)_(O)
[Dr. Tran]: “Oh no! The plot suddenly decided that your Gimmicka Energy would start affecting you now!”
[X]: “My what?!”
Before Dr. Tran could reply, the wall of the basement suddenly exploded open, followed shortly by a black-striped purple alien wearing a pimp outfit stepping into the room.
[Alien]: “Wuzzup, bitches?! Feareo in the house y’all!”
[X]: “Who the hell are you?!”
[Feareo]: (Eats a baby) “I’m the only interesting character in this entire series! Also I killed your parents.”
[Feareo]: “Well, actually, I just turned your dad into an evil space zombie ghost who’ll probably end up betraying me.”
[Feareo]: “...I’ll get back to you on that.”
[X]: “Wait, are we parodying crappy ____ 10 series or pretentious edgy series that barely have anything to do with Ben 10?”
[Dr. Tran]: (Shrugs) “Who knows? The two are kind of starting to blend together lately.”
[Feareo]: “Either way, it’s dangerous to edge alone, take this!”
Feareo tossed X Albedo’s OV Ultimatrix which is really popular to recolor for some reason I mean a completely original Omnitrix with an original design not taken from anything else nosiree bob, then jumped out the window and flew off into the night.
[Dr. Tran]: “Good thing your mortal enemy brought you the one thing capable of saving you from the alien DNA killing you! Uh, that makes sense, right?”
[X]: “What are you talking about?! Am I dying from alien DNA or the Gimmicka Energy?!”
[Dave]: “What do you mean? How not me you natural understanding perfectly dialogue?”
[Dr. Tran]: “What, in the butt.”
Dr. Tran slapped the X-Trix (that’s what we’re calling it now shut up) onto X, which magically fixed everything except his crippling depression.
[X]: “Wow Tran, how did you know that would work?!”
[Dr. Tran]: “I’ve known all of this all along, I just didn’t want you to know about it even though it would probably present a very real risk to your life at some point.”
[X]: “That seems reasonable!”
[Dr. Tran]: “Now come on, it’s time to be a superhero.”
[X]: “What? Why?”
[Dr. Tran]: “That’s just what people do in your situation.”
[Dr. Tran]: (Shoots a hooker) “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND JUST
GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT PUNCH THE FUCKING ALIENS”
[X]: “Why are you swearing so much?! And did you just shoot a hooker?!”
[Dr. Tran]: “WE NEED TO ARTIFICIALLY MAKE THIS STORY EDGIER THAN IT WOULD BE IF IT WAS WRITTEN COMPETENTLY! FUCK!”
[X]: (Snorts coke off a prostitute’s ass) “Understood.”
The next day, X walks into his school like a badash wearing the X-Trix like a b0ss.
All the HOT GIRLS with BIG B00BS in the school INLCUDING MY CRUSH were instantly attracted to him and he had THE S3X with AL OF THEMM using H1S SUPREEm DONG!!!
[School Bully]: “You can’t just have the sex with all the grills in school, X!”
[X]: *Teleports behind him* “Tch...nothing personell...kid”
X stabbed the bully in the appendix, making him drop onto the floor like A TOTAL BITCH SUCK IT CHAD FROM MATH CLASS THIS IS WHAT YOU GET BICH
[Cha - I mean, random bully]: “Bwagh! Not my miniature intestinal pocket that was previously thought to be useless by medical science at large but has recently been discovered to play a key role in keeping your gut fauna population at a healthy size without which most people need fecal transplants to keep their digestive health in order!”
[X]: “Fite me”
[Bully]: “I can’t! You stabbed me!”
[X]: “lol bich”
It was then that the school exploded, followed shortly by Feareo stepping into the building to confront X.
[Feareo]: “Wuzzup bitches?! Time to make some noise, and by noise I mean a below-average fight sequence!”
[X]: “Feareo! In the name of
the moon my dead parents, I will punish you!”
[Feareo]: “Bring it on, hot stuff! It’s time to make good on my stupid-ass name!”
X pulled up the X-Trix and transformed into a blue and black snake-like alien. This alien’s features were pretty unremarkable overall, but I’m going to go ahead and drone on and on with a lengthy description that grinds the episode to a halt anyways because I don’t know how to pace my writing. How are you doing today? I’m pretty shit myself. I’m still waiting for a call back from any of the dozen jobs I applied to, and the stress of that combined with college work and the inability to conjure up any motivation to do anything I used to enjoy has made things pretty shit for me lately. I also feel like most of you secretly resent me for the work I put into my projects and I honestly don’t know whether I should be trying harder or trying less anymore. Anyways I guess I’ve filled up enough episode space with this wall of pointless text, so getting to the point, this alien was known as Quickfoot.
AND THEN THEY FU
“And that’s the story of how X and Feareo’s love blossomed, even against all odds.”
An old man is seen closing a storybook labeled “The Legend of X”. A child, presumably his grandson, is laying in bed nearby with a confused expression.
“But Grandpa, that story didn’t make any sense!” The kid protested. “And what about that stupid monologue in the beginning? That didn’t matter at all!”
“Well, kid, the world doesn’t make sense.” The grandpa replied, pulling out a bottle of vodka. “Now go the fuck to sleep so grandpappy can drink his juice.”
“Okay, but I have one last question.” The boy said. “Where did you even get this story?”
The grandpa suddenly stared off into the distance, his vision consumed by flashes of green hourglasses, terrible writing, and a pink and purple jerkass that everyone wanted to fuck before they figured out he wasn’t actually a girl.
“The answer to that, my grandson...” He finally answered. “Is better left forgotten.”
- Dr. Tran
- Feareo is a pun on Terox's name. As Terox's name can be broken down into "Terror" and "Hydrox" (a brand of cookies whose name sounds like a bathroom cleaner for some reason), Feareo can be broken down into "Fear" (a synonym for Terror) and "Oreo" (the famous cookie that ripped off Hydrox. Seriously. Look it up).