| Diamond Man's Untitled Series | |
| Season 2, Episode 18 | |
| Written by | Diamond Man |
| Directed by | Diamond Man |
| Episode Guide | |
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Plot[]
We open on Owen laying in bed, doing nothing. He lays there for a few minutes, but still does nothing. Emerson then pops out of him, and starts poking him.
Emerson: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. OWEN!!!!
Owen slowly opens his eyes, and looks at Emerson, annoyed.
Owen: Whaddya want? I’m tired.
Emerson claps his hands.
Emerson: You gotta get up! We need to see today’s wacky adventure!
Owen rolls over in his covers.
Owen: I don’t wanna do anything today.
Aspidites uncamouflages, and we see her wrapped around Owen.
Aspidites: Same here. Just wanna lay in this bed and do nothing.
Emerson is disappointed.
Emerson: So….you’re not doing anything today?
They both shake their heads no.
Emerson: Well…...crap. Guess I’m gonna need a new star today.
He pops out, and we see him in Buggy, Luffy and Zolo’s House. They are playing a board game on the floor, when Emerson startles them.
Luffy: Oh hey Emerson! Wanna join us?
Emerson waves his hands in dismissal.
Emerson: No! I just need to know, do you have anything fun planned for today?
They all look at each other.
Buggy: If you think board games are fun, then yes!
Luffy: We’re taking the day to relax.
Zolo: And our favorite shows come on in three hours! We have to prepare, so we can’t leave!
Emerson sighs, and facepalms.
Emerson: Alright, next place.
He is shown knocking on Sarth’s door. Sarth opens, in his suit and tie.
Emerson: Hey, you doing anything fun today?
Sarth: Emerson, lawyers are never fun.
Emerson sighs.
Emerson: Ugh, this is just not my day….
He pops out, and is at Cathy’s house. He knocks on the door, and Cathy answers, wearing yellow pajamas. She looks exhausted.
Emerson: Cassie! What are you doing today?
She coughs.
Cathy: I got a cold, and I feel horrible. So I can’t do anything...
Emerson stomps his foot in frustration.
Emerson: Shoot! Never mind, bye Cherry!
He pops out, and we see him in a dark space, floating around.
Emerson: Ugh! Everyone is completely boring! Hmm, maybe I should check the to-do list.
He takes out a small red book, and opens it. There is a list that says, ‘To-Do.’
Emerson: Let’s see here.
He starts reading down the list. One reads, ‘Backstory episode about a main character.’ He puts a checkmark next to that. He goes to the next box, and it says, ‘Owen forgiving another villain.’
Emerson: Mmm….
He writes, ‘Next Season.’ He then looks down to the next box, and it reads ‘Owen’s love interest.’ Emerson puts a giant question mark next to it.
Emerson: Don’t see anything that’d be fun for today.
He flips through a few pages, and sees more boxes. One reads, ‘Episode about the villains.’
Emerson: Ooh, perfect! We haven’t done one of those!
He puts a checkmark next to it.
Emerson: Alright, episode about the villains!
He sticks his hand out, and a wheel pops up with all the villains faces on them. He then floats over to the wheel, and spins it.
Emerson: Come on wheel, spin spin spin. Which villain will win?
The wheel stops on Ex’Spira.
Emerson: Alright Ex’Spira! Let’s see what you do with your life!
He waves his hands to the screen, and we transition over to Ex’Spira, floating down the street.
Emerson(narrating): Ex’Spira, as you know him, likes to feed off of people’s fear. But fear doesn’t come naturally, he has to make things happen!
Ex’Spira then turns invisible, and floats over to a couple kids sitting on a bench. He floats under the bench, becomes visible again, and waits a few moments. He then pops up.
Ex’Spira: RAAAAAAHHH!!!
All the kids scream, and scramble away from Ex. Ex’Spira laughs, and flies away again.
Ex’Spira: Ah, this never gets old.
Emerson(narrating): But causing fear is not the only thing he does. He also likes reading.
We then see Ex’Spira in a library, picking out books.
Ex’Spira: Ooh, this looks like a good one!
He picks one out from the shelf, and as he continues to look around, bystanders just watch him in awe. Ex’Spira picks out a few more books, then decides he is done.
Ex’Spira: That’s good enough.
He flies over to the counter, and there is a really confused lady there, watching him. He places the books down, and looks at her. She just looks at him in confusion. Ex’Spira is getting impatient.
Ex’Spira: Um, aren’t you gonna check these out?
Lady: Oh! Yes!
She begins scanning the books.
Lady: They don’t pay me enough for this crap…
Ex’Spira: I know right? You sit here, bored all day, and you can’t even read any of the books!
The lady holds out her hand.
Lady: Library Card?
Ex’Spira materializes a wallet from his hands, and pulls out a library card. He hands it to the lady, and she scans it. She is confused at the results.
Lady: Mr. Ex’Spira?
Ex’Spira: Yes, that’s me. It’s Latin for ghost!
Lady: I assumed so….
She checks everything out, then hands the books back.
Lady: Those’ll be due in two weeks.
Ex’Spira: Thank you.
He picks up the books and his card, and flies away.
Emerson(narrating): And then he goes to his lovely house, to read the books.
We see him flying into an old abandoned mansion. It looks terrible on the outside. But when Ex’Spira goes inside, we see that it is actually very nicely done, and well-furnished. He flies up to the next floor, to his room. There is a bed with purple sheets, and a small TV in the corner, and a table where a typewriter stands. He places the books down on the table, and picks up one, to read. He lays down on his bed, and begins reading.
Emerson(narrating): He also likes writing horror novels.
It is now nighttime, and Ex’Spira is typing on his typewriter.
Ex’Spira(reading what he types): And as he stood silent in the dark, foreboding hallway, the wooden floor suddenly shattered. He tried to grab onto something to stay up, but it was too late, and he fell down….down into the seemingly infinite darkness, reliving all the horrors he had lived through that day….This seemed to go on for hours, when suddenly……
Ex’Spira presses the final button, and pulls the paper out.
Ex’Spira: Ah, there we go. It’s good to leave them on a cliffhanger.
He puts the paper at the bottom of a stack of other papers.
Ex’Spira: Alright, Chapter 14 is finished!
He places that stack next to 14 other stacks of paper, making a total of 15 stacks.
Ex’Spira: *yawn* That’s enough writing for me. Now, time for my favorite nighttime activity!
He floats out the window.
Ex’Spira: Late night horror movies!
He flies away.
Emerson(narrating): Wasn’t that nice? Anyway, that’s all for Ex’Spira. Now…
We cut back to the black, and Emerson spins the wheel again.
Emerson: Who’s next?
The wheel comes to a slow stop, and it lands on DohRe. Emerson is disappointed.
Emerson: Oh….Her….Ughhhh….
Emerson snaps, and we cut to DohRe, waking up in bed.
Emerson(narrating): So, I’m going to try to talk about all the stuff she does when she isn’t obsessing over Owen. That’s gonna be pretty difficult. So, as you can tell from DohRe’s name, she likes music! So she practices all the time.
We see DohRe practicing her flute. She plays a few scales, then finishes.
DohRe: Ah, that’s enough practice.
She goes and sits down at a kitchen table.
DohRe: Boys! Breakfast!
Emerson(narrating): And even given how hard she works on music, she doesn’t work that hard in anything else. So, she has Staff and Caesura do everything for her.
Staff and Caesura run into the room, and to the stove. Caesura opens the pantry, and pulls out the pancake mix, and begins making the batter. Staff heats up the stove.
Staff and Caesura: Yes ma’am!
Caesura pours the batter onto the pan, while DohRe is getting impatient.
DohRe: Can you go faster?! I have plans for today, and I don’t want to waste time waiting!
Caesura salutes her, and pulls out multiple pans, making four pancakes at once. He works very fast to flip them all, and get them ready. He waits a few seconds, grabs his spatula, and flips all four of them into the air. Staff pulls out a plate, and catches all of them. Staff wipes off some sweat. Caesura grabs a placemat, sets it down in front of DohRe with a fork and knife, and Staff sets the plate down. They both bow to her.
DohRe: Thanks you two. And as your reward, you may have an hour of computer time!
Staff and Caesura get excited, and run upstairs.
Emerson(narrating): DohRe is usually mean and snarky to Staff and Caesura, but she cares about them a lot. She’s like the mother they never had.
There is a pause.
Emerson(narrating): But we’ll get into that story another time! Anyway…DohRe doesn’t really do anything except obsess over Owen.
We see DohRe walking in her room, closing the door, and opening her closet, revealing a shrine to Owen, with pictures of him all over the place.
DohRe: Oh my beloved. Even in picture form you’re still such a darling!
She then starts getting closer to one of the pictures, before it cuts to black.
Emerson: Um, enough of that...Sorry that one was cut short, there isn’t really that much to say about her. Next villain!
Emerson spins the wheel again, and it lands on Agate.
Emerson: Ooh, YES! Best character! Let’s see what he’s doing!
The scene cuts to Agate playing with Kaolinite in the woods.
Emerson(narrating): Agate is Owen’s worst nemesis(at least at this point), but Agate is a very responsible and loving parent for his son Kaolinite. He plays with him all the time.
Agate waves a stick in front of Kaolinite’s face.
Agate: Ok Kao. Try to light this on fire!
He tosses it, and Kaolinite tries to breathe fire. He struggles a lot, before falling over on his face. Agate rushes over and picks him up. Kaolinite starts crying.
Agate: Awwwww, it’s ok Kaoli…..
He ruffles his hair and Kaolinite laughs.
Agate: Let’s try something easier. Say Agate. Agate.
Kaolinite tries to say it, but all that comes out is just sounds.
Agate: Ah well. Maybe I should start with getting him to say Dad. But we’ll try talking later.
He stands up, and starts walking with Kaolinite.
Agate: Let’s go get ice cream.
They walk out of the forest. We then see them walking into town, and walking on the sidewalk. Most people that pass are giving them strange looks.
Emerson(narrating): Agate always takes Kaolinite out on walks in the street. He doesn’t really care about other people seeing him.
We then see the both of them stepping into an ice cream store, getting ice cream, and sitting down. Kaolinite eats his entire cone in one big bite, while Agate takes a while on his.
Agate: So Kaoli, how did you like that?
Kaolinite nods happily.
Agate: I’ll get you another one.
We then see them walking down the street again, and Kaolinite has another ice cream cone. He eats his in one bite again.
Agate: Heh heh. You’re a big eater, aren’t you?
They walk for a little more, when suddenly a man in a black suit walks right into Kaolinite. Kaolinite rolls over on his back, and starts crying again.
Agate: Hey!
Agate picks up Kaolinite.
Agate: It’s ok buddy, it’s ok….
He hugs him, and Kaolinite calms down. Agate then locks eyes with the man. The man has dark black hair, a black suit, and he looks like a snobby millionaire. Because he is.
Agate: Hey, you walked into my son!
Man: Your son should’ve watched where he was going. Do you know who I am?
Agate looks up and down at the man.
Agate: A stupid man in an outdated suit?
The man scoffs.
Man: I’m Drew Lane! The most prestigious millionaire in the entire state! I could have you and your son sued. Or your house foreclosed. Or I could have you killed.
Agate ignores him, and holds Kaolinite in front of him.
Agate: I don’t want to make a scene. I just want you to apologize to my son.
The man laughs.
Man: There’s no way I’m apologizing to your ugly son.
The man laughs again, and Agate looks mad. He keeps his cool, and takes a breath.
Agate: Sir, how about we continue this conversation in the woods?
Man: Heh. Sure. I have bodyguards watching everywhere, so don’t you try anything.
The man walks off towards the woods. Agate snickers, and follows him. Then we cut to black.
Emerson: Um, let’s go away from that for now. We don’t want to see that. Anyway, next villain!
He moves towards the wheel, then stops.
Emerson: Oh wait, that just leaves Agvarok. But he’s a whole episode all by himself. Just wait a little for this story.
Emerson takes out a phone, and clicks a button.
Emerson: Aw, this episode is short. Ah well.
Gamean(offscreen): HEY!
A beam of light appears, and Gamean crawls through it.
Gamean: What are you doing in my attic? I’ve been hearing you talk in here for like ten minutes!
Emerson snaps his fingers.
Emerson: Oh yeah! I totally forgot that you were a villain!
Gamean gets mad.
Gamean: Of course I’m a villain!
Emerson: Yes! Perfect! Gamean, I’m going to need you to do what you normally do today, I need more footage!
Gamean huffs and crosses his arms.
Gamean: No.
Emerson snaps his fingers, and a boxed copy of Ripto’s Rage appears. He holds it out to Gamean, who looks, and grabs it.
Gamean: Fine. I’ll indulge you in my amazing life.
He walks down the stairs, but he trips and falls down the stairs.
Emerson: Ok, onto Gamean!
We see Gamean downstairs playing Ripto’s Rage.
Emerson(narrating): Gamean, a computer science major, was our very first villain. After failing to get a job, he turned to villainy. Now, I bet you’re wondering: If he’s jobless, how the HECK does he afford all of this? Well, it’s very simple.
Gamean: Lots and lots of lottery tickets. I just cheat most of the time.
Garian(offscreen): Who are you talking to?
Gamean: SILENCE!!!!!
Emerson(narrating): And with Gamean brings us Garian. Garian is a college sophomore working for Gamean to pay off his student loans. Gamean pays pretty well, but Garian has to question if it’s worth it sometimes. Garian has to cook, clean, bring him stuff, and Gamean can have him do bad things.
We see Gamean using Garian as a step stool to grab a video game.
Garian: Why can’t you just have me grab it?
Gamean: Because I want to grab it. And I want to see you suffer.
Gamean hops on Garian, trying to grab the game, and causing more pain to Garian.
Emerson(narrating): Yeah, it’s not a good job. Garian even changed his name because of Gamean! His real name is Todd in case you were wondering.
Gamean grabs the game, and gets off of Garian.
Garian: Can I watch the news now?
Gamean rolls his eyes.
Gamean: Fine.
He turns the channel to the news.
Newsman: In other news, the millionaire Drew Lane has been found dead.
Gamean: Oh wow.
Newsman: Studies found he was clawed, bitten, electrocuted, and set on fire. We’re assuming he was attacked by an animal and backed into a loose power line, but we don’t know. His bodyguards say that they have no memory of this.
Garian: Wow. I wonder what they’ll do with all that money?
Newsman: As per his will and testament, all his money will used to plan his funeral, and the rest will be buried with him.
Gamean switches the channel off.
Gamean: I don’t like this. People wasting money makes me sick.
Garian: Says the person who bought 5 copies of Breath of the Wild…
Gamean: It’s an amazing game Garian! Also SILENCE!!!!!!!
Garian walks away.
Gamean: Grr, I need to break stuff.
He claps his hands, and his hovercraft sweeps him up.
Gamean: The mall.
The hovercraft takes off through a hole in the ceiling.
Gamean: I should really put a hatch or something over that.
Gamean’s hovercraft flies to the mall.
Emerson(narrating): Whenever Gamean’s feeling stressed, he goes to the mall to break stuff. This is almost a daily thing.
We see a woman sitting at the desk in the mall, when Gamean’s hovercraft breaks through the glass door. He hovers up to the woman.
Carley: *sigh* Hi Gamean.
Gamean: Hi Carley. How’s Doug doing?
Carley: Still has a broken arm.
Gamean: Aww, too bad. Anyways I’ll be doing the usual so bye!
Gamean presses a button and a robot arm smacks a trash can into a window. Gamean then flies to the right side of the mall. Carley switches on the intercom.
Carley: We have a code AIG.
Emerson(narrating): AIG stands for Anger Induced Gamean.
Gamean begins picking up tables and smashing windows while people and workers flee.
Gamean: Ah! This makes me feel SO much better!
He gets ready to break inside a store when a pink beam grabs his robot arm. He turns to see Grena and Anna standing there.
Anna: Hi Gamean.
Gamean: Grr, hi Anna. Hi Grena. Are you stalling until Owen gets here?
Grena: No, he was busy and asked us to take care of you. It’s been a while since we had some fun.
Grena cracks her knuckles, and the video pauses. We cut back to Emerson in the attic.
Emerson: Ah man I forgot about them! We could’ve done a whole episode about them! Ugh, nevermind, back to the fight.
We cut back to the mall. Grena leaps into the air and Gamean throws bombs at her. Anna extends her hands and stops them, while Grena kicks them back. Gamean tries to evade but gets bombed. He shakes some debris off of him, and growls.
Gamean: Grrrr! You’ll pay now!
He gets ready to hit a button, but Anna jumps in front of him. She smirks, types in a few buttons, and jumps off.
Gamean: Hey! What did you-
The robot hand starts going crazy, and whacks Gamean on the head.
Gamean: OW! OW! Garian! Fix this!
He looks to the side where Garian should be, but Garian isn’t there.
Gamean: Oh right, I left him at home…
The robot hand continues smashing him on the head.
Gamean: Someone get this hand off of me!
Grena: Ok.
Her hand glows pink and she swipes the air, slicing the arm off of the hovercraft. Gamean sighs in relief.
Gamean: Ahh, much better…
He gets back to the battle, and presses more buttons. An arsenal of missiles, laser weapons, and bombs emerge from the back.
Gamean: You’d better prepare yourselves! This is my greatest attack!
The weapons get ready to fire.
Gamean: No human alive could possibly withstand this! Get ready for my Gamean Special!
The weapons fire as Gamean laughs. Anna and Grena extends their hands, and catch the explosions in a small pink mana ball. Gamean’s laughter drops fast.
Gamean: Oh…
Grena: Hey Anna, do you like volleyball?
Anna: Why yes Grena, I do!
Grena: Why don’t we start playing?
They start tossing the ball between themselves. Grena hits it.
Grena: One!
Anna hits it.
Anna: Two!
Grena turns towards Gamean, and hits the ball.
Grena: Three!
She passes it to Gamean. Gamean tries to abandon hovercraft, but his robe is stuck on a nail. The ball opens up, destroying the hovercraft. Gamean is face-down in a pile of rubble.
Grena: I think his passes need some work.
Anna: I think so too.
Gamean crawls out of the pile, and Grena picks him up by his robe. They stare at each other in silence.
Gamean: So….Can you give me a ride home? You destroyed my hovercraft.
Grena powers her fist with mana, and punches him through the hole he made in the ceiling.
Gamean(fading): THANK YOOOOOOUUUUUU!
There is a twinkle of light as he disappears. We cut back to Emerson in the attic.
Emerson: Hooray! We’ve done all of the villains and we have a good-sized episode! Well, I guess I’ll see you next time on-
The wheel starts spinning on its own, and a new area appears, which it stops on. Emerson looks at it, and it shows Nightmare.
Emerson: Nightmare?....Ok? I guess we have to…
The camera switches to an inky black void, and suddenly beams of black energy fire across the screen. We cut to static, and then to Emerson on his knees, clutching his chest.
Emerson: Agh!! What….was that?
Gamean crashes through the ceiling, then through the attic floor.
Gamean: GARIAN!!!!!!!
Episode Ends.
Characters[]
- Owen Barum
- Aspidites
- Emerson
- Sarth Barum
- Buggy
- Luffy
- Zolo
- Cathy Fisher
- Ex’Spira
- DohRe
- Agate
- Kaolinite
- Gamean
- Garian
- Grena
- Anna
Allusions[]
- Carley and Doug from the mall is a reference to Telltale’s Walking Dead.
Trivia[]
- GAG: Emerson can’t get Cathy’s name right.
- It is revealed that Garian‘s real name is Todd.