Hi, guys! So, I'm this summer's judge for the Normal Writing Contest. We have three contestants; Brandon, Primal and Dioga. Here are the entries and their results!
|Two alien figures stand on a stage, a human in the middle with a microphone. Upon closeup, it is revealed a Kineceleran and a Citrakayah. "Hello ladies and gentlemans, welcome to the first ever Epic Rap Battles of Ben 10!" the human announcer speaks loudly to the audience.
"Ready? BEGIN!" the announcer speaks to the two aliens.
Kineceleran: 4 lines
I play the game of speed,
I made it through Omniverse,
while you still get worse,
I'm the gre-
Citrakayah: 4 lines
I couldn't wait,
you're incredibly slow,
I just couldn't wait to go
Kineceleran: 4 lines
You didn't make it to a 5.9/10 show,
you probably got lost and went to the X-Mens,
you call me slow?
Beat it, you're just a comedienne
Citrakayah: 2 lines
Dude, I've already beaten 'it'
I've dropped the bom-
Kineceleran: 4 lines
We know you're a terrorist, no need to explain,
Instead of going down the Road you couldn't take the turn and went down the lane,
I'm way stronger than you,
look, I even know Kung F-U
In third place we have Primal. This doesn't really fit in Normal Writing, it's not a story. Oh, well. Nice try, Primal. There's always next time. :)
|The story begins with a Ben 10 (Original Series) Comic Book opening up to the story of Ben's life as if they were published as comic book strips.
Narrator: This is the story about a boy who learns to become a hero. But like every other hero, they must go through a series of events that makes them the person they were destined to be. A story, if you will. And every story has moments of delight, sadness, suspense, reveal and even comedy. But what if we were to delve further into the story. The story of a hero whose life will be changed forever after discovering the secret power of the-
Ben: Uh what are you doing?
Narrator: I'm narrating your story.
Narrator: To enlighten the viewers about the journey to becoming who you are today.
Ben: Yeah but they already know this stuff.
Narrator: But wouldn't they perfer to learn more about you. To understand your development as a character and progression throughout the complexity of this established Multiverse that we are about to explore together as an auide-
Ben's hand then comes over the screen and rips the comic book format off, revealing himself in the Rustbucket.
Ben, leaning back: Ah. Now I can finally enjoy my awesome summer vacation without an annoying voice following me everywhere.
Gwen: Hey dofus, you mind getting your stinkin' feet off the table?!
Ben: Oh yeah, I forgot about that one.
The rustbucket stops at a campsite. Grandpa Max turns around from his driver's seat.
Grandpa Max: Alright kiddos, here we are.
Ben: Uh this isn't a water park, Grandpa.
Grandpa Max: I know. It's a campsite because we're camping... you stupid boy.
Gwen: Speaking of site, is there a way to any wifi out here?
Grandpa Max: Sure there is. The Rustbucket's wifi is called: Max's Pad and the password is: Totallynotaspacecop.
The scene cuts to the three standing at the campsite.
Grandpa Max: Ah smell that air. The fresh scent of the outdoors.
Ben: I'm pretty sure that's the smell of all those porta-porties we parked next to.
Scene shows a series of porta potties. The park ranger then steps out of one and scratches his bottocks.
Park Ranger: Remember kids, if you see a space thingy don't touch it.
Insert obiligatory fart joke here.
Ben: That's like totally lame advice. What are the chances of a space thingy happening? That's just like a forest fire happening which is like not gonna happen. Ever.
10 minutes later.
Grandpa Max steps out of porta potty.
Max: Ah... (sniffs the air) What the-
Max turns around and sees the whole forest on fire.
Max: Gosh dang it, Ben!
Meanwhile in the vast reaches of space.
Xylene: Okay Azmuth. I'm just about done dropping off your late Christmas gifts... again.
Azmuth, as a hologram: Thanks, Xylene. You were my only hope.
Xylene: Yeah just because you're a tiny hologram, doesn't mean you have to make a reference to Star Wars all the time.
Azmuth: Hologram or not, I will be.
Xylene: Ugh! No wonder Myaxx offered her secretary job to me.
Suddenly, Vilgax's ship appears out of nowhere.
Xylene: Hang on a sec, I'm gonna have to put you on hold.
Azmuth, as a hologram: A problem, there is? Hm?
Xylene: Nah. It's just Vilgax. Brb ttyl.
Azmuth, as a hologram: Just don't forget to pick up my dry cleanin- (is turned off)
Vilgax, over a speaker: XYLENE! SURRENDER NOW AND I WILL SHOW YOU MERCY!
Vilgax: lol I'm just messing with you. I actually saw you in the neighborhood and I was wondering if you could help me out.
Xylene: Uh huh?
Vilgax: You see, I'm trying to take the kids to a water park but I just ended up at this camping site with porta potties everywhere. Do you have any directions?
Xylene: Do you want to take the Null Void Expressway or the Incarcecon Warp Exit?
Vilgax: No... The expressway might take too long. I mean there's some serious traffic up in there. And the Incarcecon Warp Exit could be- wait, are you trying to make me go back to prison?
Xylene: No, I'm seriously trying to help out.
Vilgax: Ah thanks, girl. You the best. Hey is Azmuth still making you work so hard?
Xylene: Yeah he's got me sending Christmas presents from like 200 years old? What? Anyways, there's this recent one for this Earth guy named Max Tennyson or whatever.
Vilgax: Ah no way. I totally know that guy, we were best friends in High School.
Vilgax: No he tried to kill me after I attempted to blow up the Earth or something. It was a long time ago.
Vilgax: Hey, I could totally beam you aboard and we can find him together.
Xylene: Oh sure. That would actually save me a lot of work.
Vilgax: That's totally wizard. Okay, let me see which one's the beamy button.
Vilgax presses a button which fires a death beam and explodes Xylene's ship.
Vilgax's Droids: WHOA!
Droid 274: Duuuude. You totally killed her.
Vilgax: I know...
Droid 274: That was totally awesome though.
Vilgax: I know!
Droid 273: Let's celebrate!
Vilgax: Oh yeah! Disco button time!
Vilgax reaches for another button.
Vilgax's Droids: NO!
Vilgax's ship blows up.
Meanwhile... or something.
Ben approaches the crash site and sees the Omnitrix at its center.
Ben: What's a watch doing in outer space?
Ben reaches for the Omnitrix but then stops and thinks.
Park Ranger, as a flashback vision: Remember kids, if you see a space thingy don't touch it.
Max, as a flashback vision: You stupid boy...
Azmuth: You shouldn't be touching any space stuff. Wait a minute, why am I in this flashback? We didn't even meet yet. Uh- while you're here just don't forget my dry clea- (Fades off)
Ben: Meh. What's the worst that can happen?
Ben touches the Omnitrix which attaches itself to his arm in a painful amount of detail.
Ben: AHHH! MY ARM!
Meanwhile, in the forest somewhere, Professor Paradox is seen watching Ben through some trees. No Watch Ben then walks next to him.
No Watch Ben: What are you doing?
Professor Paradox, starteld: Uh- nothing. nothing.
No Watch Ben: You were totally watching me.
Professor Paradox: Don't be silly, Benjamin. I was only making sure that this timeline continued on its proper path.
No Watch Ben: Oh I guess that makes sense. Sorry for mis-judging you, person I just met.
Professor Paradox: Apology accepted. Now come on, this story already has a messed up continuity and I would prefer visiting the rest of the Multiverse rather than this one special moment.
Professor Paradox walks into a time portal, dropping his binnouculars on the ground before entering. No Watch Ben watches helplessly in disbelief. He then picks up the binnoucualrs and is about to enter the time portal when Christien Anholt appears.
Christien Anholt: Thought you could step out?
No Watch Ben: Christien Anholt? Aren't you the guy who played Eon in Race Against Time?
Christien Anholt: Yep. Why don't you have a seat? It's time we had a little talk about using time travel to spy on children, you sicko.
No Watch Ben: Oh come on!
Narrator: But what's this? A time portal that could lead anywhere? Why, that just leaves so much room for story, now doesn't it?
Professor Paradox: What? No, go away. I banish you to an alternate timeline.
Professor Paradox: Now to go back to my secret time lair.
Professor Paradox arrives at Los Solodad where he is instantly greeted by the Alien Force team.
Kevin: Dude, this guy just appeared out of nowhere. I think I should break his face in.
Gwen: Sure thing, baby. You can do whatever you want because we're such great friends.
Kevin: And I will do that because we are friends and only friends.
Ben: Wait a minute. I haven't transformed into an alien this whole time yet which means it's Hero Time!
Professor Paradox: Actually it's 7:34.
Ben slaps down the Omnitrix and transforms into Heatblast.
Kevin: Wait. Something's not right here.
Kevin grabs some old moss from a computer station with the screen showing a email which reads "To Cartoon Network; From DJW: I have so many promising ideas for a possible Ben 10 reboot. Please get back to me before settling with Ultimate Alien." Kevin then throws the moss onto Heatblast which melts onto his skin, turning him into Swampfire.
Professor Paradox: Great Scooter Tidwell! I don't have time to deal with you now. I've got to get back- (epic zoom in) TO THE FUTURE!
Professor Paradox gets in Kevin's Car and hits the gas pedal. He then drives off a ramp after hitting 10 miles per hour which causes the car to travel forwards through time. In the future, the Highbreed are seen invading the Earth through their warp gate. Kevin's car then appears out of nowhere and runs over some DNAliens.
Cannonbolt, curing them: Noooo! They were people!
Meanwhile, in the command tower.
DNAlien: Sir, the Humans are taking over the facility.
Highbreed: Hm... Hold them off. I'll have to talk with Highbreed Council about this.
The Highbreed Council is seen sitting down and talking. A skype call then comes up. Highbreed Council Chief opens the call.
Highbreed, over the call: Sir, the Humans are taking over the facility. What do I do?
Highbreed Council Chief: I don't know. We never actually planned to this stage.
Highbreed, over the call: Wait seriously?
Highbreed Council Chief: Yeah, we figured it'd be pretty easy. I mean we just blew up one of the most advanced planets in the universe. We're some scary pieces of work, son.
Highbreed, over the call: Okay, I know I was at the briefing but what exactly is the plan again?
Highbreed Council Chief: Uh. I have it somewhere here. Oh here it is. (pulls out crayon drawing) Okay Step 1, go to planet. Step 2, plant our own kind there and blend in. Step 3, build a warp gate. And Step 4, turn everyone into our personal servents and take over the planet.
Highbreed, over the call: That's it?
Highbread Council Chief: Yeah, pretty much.
Highbreed: I mean, you didn't plan on any acts of resistance or something? I mean what if the warp gate didn't work.
Highbreed Council Chief: The warp gate would have worked. We put in all seasons of Stargate: Atlantis in the building video.
Highbreed: You've gotta be kidding me, right now.
Highbreed Council Chief: Look just take over the Earth and we'll take over from there.
Highbreed: Fine. I think I found a way to do it anyways. I mean this has got to be the ultimate solution. It'll convert all of the Humans into DNAliens, open wormholes throughout the galaxy for the Highbreed to spread and I'll use the samples of this labortory that we didn't actually use to create a cure for your ashma.
Highbreed Council Chief: Wow that sounds great. You're getting a promotion.
Highbreed Council Chief: Wait a sec. Ben Tennyson just showed up and cured us so we're gonna stop taking over planets now. So you're basically fired and disgusted upon.
Highbreed Council Chief: Well good luck with cleaning your mess up. Keep it touch.
The call then ends and cuts over to the Highbreed dressed in a Mr. Smoothie uniform.
Highbreed: Thanks again for hiring me, Mr. Alabaster.
Alton Alabaster: Whatever. It's time to smooth.
Highbreed: Yes, sir.
Alton Alabaster: Say my name!
Highbreed: Mr. Alabaster?
Alton Alabaster: Good... I just want you to know that I am the one who slushes.
Highbreed: I wonder if the Secret Saturdays are hiring.
Meanwhile in the Hall of Vengenance...
Vilgax's Ship is underwater with the screen about to crack.
Swampfire: It's over, Vilgax. I have the high ground.
Vilgax: And I thought Azmuth made the bad Star Wars jokes.
Azmuth: Get my dry clea-!
Vilgax, intrupting: Anyways, you may have beaten me before, Benjamin. But I still have one more trick up my sleeve.
Swampfire steps forwards and a transition takes over the screen.
Vilgax used Punch.
Swampfire is evolving.
Swampfire is now Ultimate Swampfire.
Ultimate Swampfire used Firey Explosion.
It was highly effective.
Vilgax used Laser Eyes on Glass.
Glass Screen has Fainted.
The whole room then gets starts getting flooded.
Vilgax: Now you will see my true form!
Vilgax curls up and his body undergoes through a transformation until he finally transforms into a-
Average Ben 10 Fan: What the heck is this?
Average Guy watching TV: Looks like the episode got cancelled or something. I dunno.
Average Ben 10 Fan: This is unexceptable. Ben 10 must be avenged!
Average Guy watching TV: What are you gonna do about it?
Average Ben 10 Fan: But any normal Ben 10 Fan would do. Convince Cartoon Network to give into my demands in the most insanely voilent way possible. (grips his pitchfork with flames in the background)
Average Guy watching TV, shaking with fear: A-A-And how would you do that?
Average Ben 10 Fan: Simple. I'll write an angry letter. (takes the cap off of the pitchfork revealing a pen)
Average Guy watching TV, wiping the sweat from his forehead: Phew. I thought you were going to head over to CN HQ and talk to the people in charge.
Average Ben 10 Fan: I would but I'm lazy to explore that pathway.
Average Guy watching TV: I'm starting to wonder who's actually saying that line of dialogue right there.
Average Ben 10 Fan: Oh look! It's back! (surrounds self with Bandai Ben 10 action figures)
Average Guy watching TV: Oh my gosh! It smells like microwaved plastic in here.
Average Ben 10 Fan: It's the smell of heroism...
Average Guy watching TV suffocates on the sofa as the scene zooms into the TV and transitions into a view of the Earth.
Captain Kirk, narrating: Space. The Final Frontier. These are the-
News Reporter with weird voice modifier, narrating: Uh, sorry to intruppt but I think you're on the wrong set. This is a news network.
Captain Kirk, narrating: (activating communicator) Spock, I've run into an unknown alien creature on the planet, News Network. Prepare the Photon Torpedos. Scotty, Beam me aboard.
News Reporter with weird voice modifier, narrating: As I was saying... The Aliens are already among us.
Shows clips of Ben's aliens roaming around with the subtitle, "Stock Footage from Ben 10: Alien Force, 2008" at the bottom.
News Reporter with weird voice modifier, narrating: But that's not the weird part. The weird part is why is my voice modified. I mean seriously. I was on that talent series on Channel Nine. I'm a really good singer. Is the mic not working? What the heck happened to the budget, I mean seriously? (is told something offscreen) What's that? (sigh) Anyways, the weird part is that they're all alter egos of one man and his name is-
TV cuts off.
Kevin: I'm just gonna stop it there before we get that joke everyone was expecting. Also your secret's out, dude.
Ben: Dang it...
Gwen: Well it could be worse.
Ben, standing up from the sofa: How could this get any worse?
The doorbell rings. Ben walks up to the door and answers it.
John Cena: You didn't see this coming.
Ben: Gosh dang it, John Cena.
John Cena: I just gotta know. Do you have a statement to make?
Ben: Yeah. It's Hero Time!
John Cena: Actually it's 3:25.
Ben slaps down the Ultimatrix and transforms into Four Arms.
John Cena: Wait something's not right.
John Cena puts Four Arms through his Jurassic Workout Program at Isla Nublar. At the end, Four Arms becomes Humungous and Saury.
Humungous Four Arms: Wow I feel great. I mean you cut off two of my arms but aside from that I only feel Humungous! and sore.
John Cena: There's no gain without any pain. Also, that's a good name. Humungousaur.
Humungousaur: Cool. I mean I would have been through this like a series ago but since we're not thinking logically, I'll just accept it like it happened nautrally.
John Cena: Awesome. So bros for life?
Humungousaur grabs John Cena and throws him into space.
Later at Julie's House.
Ben: Thanks for letting me hang out, Julie.
Julie: I have to go to Tennis practice in an hour but you can here still I'm back.
Ben: Even after that time, I ripped up your curtains and made a mess on your carpet?
Julie: I thought you said Ship did that.
Ben: Hey, is that cable news?
Julie: Yeah, even though I'm a professional Tennis player who earns more than enough to pay for a luxerious house somewhere in Spain. (noticing someone on TV) Oh this guy hates you.
Ben: Already? I was just found out like an hour ago. What type of news network comes up with a story with negative opinions based on little evidence and loads of spectulation?
Will Harangue: Welcome back to the Will Harangue Nation on FOX 5 News. Today's story has gotta be Ben Tennyson. 27 year old, Kindergardener. Now over the past year, we've been gathered footage of his reccent attacks on the public and we can finally confirm as a fact that this is a one man invasion. I mean think about it. Aliens show up all the time and now that we have a name and a face to go by, it- it just makes sense. I mean seriously think about it. Giant robot attacks porta potty? Ben Tennyson. Park in the city gets attacked by a squid faced superhero? Ben Tennyson. Nano machines infect the Human Population? Definitely Ben Tennyson. You might be asking how a kid can pull this off but it's simple. It's staged by a higher force of power and that power is sending out our taxes. According to our polls, it says that the majority of the viewers think Ben Tennyson is a hero and a really good guy. Huh. Well obviously there's been some type of influence going around so we can't trust the polls. Obviously, Ben Tennyson is a menance and everything I say is fact. Now our upcoming story, watch as a chubby no-life hacker undergoes the Super Solider Serum procedure and gets the voice of a dino wraggling, intergalactic law breaking construction worker who works at a park made for recreational purposes.
Julie: See? I told you this guy hates you... Ben? Ben?
Julie gets up and walks into her kitchen and sees Ben ripping up her curtains.
Ben: It was Ship!
Kevin, walking into Julie's kitchen: Ben, we gotta go. I found the guy that posted your secret identity on the Internet.
Sarah, walking down from Julie's staircase: We shouldn't do this. It's not the right thing to do.
Grandpa Max, closing the refrigator door: She's right, Ben. You've got to do what you think is right.
Vilgax: Or you could do what's wrong and join me on the Dark Side.
Myaxx: Oh my gosh. The jokes are here too?!
Alan: Where the heck is here, anyways? I was just at my barn a second ago.
Euince, in Unitrix mode, making out with Ben: Beep Boop. Beep Boop.
Argit: I'm starting to think I'm in the wrong episode right now.
Rook: I'm starting to think I'm in the wrong series right now.
Rex Salazar: I'm starting to think I'm in the wrong universe franchise right now.
Azmuth, jumping out of Julie's cookie jar: I'm starting to think that someone should go and get my dry cl-
Julie, yelling: EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
One Transition Later.
Kevin: Okay dude, we gotta be on our feet for this. This is the Master Mind right here. I mean this guy is a pro hacker, has the best armor in game, can 360 no scope at any angle and has 10 girlfriends on 83 different servers.
Gwen knocks on the door.
Kevin: Be ready for anything.
The door opens and a little kid.
Jimmy Jones: Yo, what up, noobs, what's happenin'? You got those chips and soft drinks I asked for, brah?
Jimmy Jones: Hang on a sec. (goes inside) MOM! STOP GOING THROUGH MY STUFF! IT'S NOT A PHASE! (screams) (sticks head back out) Okay, you can come inside.
Kevin: ... Total. Master Mind.
Ben: So you can basically hack into stuff? Are you... The Matrix?
Jimmy Jones: Pft! The Matrix wishes it was me. Check out this government video I totally hacked.
Jimmy presses the play button. The video shows Bivalvan shooting some soldiers with water. Bivalvan then turns to the camera and splashes water.
Government Official: New from NERF! It's the all new Water Hazard! Get ready to dominate hordes of enemy soldiers. Now fire back with the Andromeda-Made water tanks and get extra resistance with its all new armored plating. The All New Water Hazard!
Bivilvan: It's Nerf or Nothing! (splashes camera again, causing footage to end)
Ben: I've gotta have one of those.
Jimmy Jones: Those things are like limited edition in Florida, man.
Ben: Then we shall go to Florida!
Scene now shows the team at a crossroad with a sign pointing to "Top Secret Government Base ->" and "<- Awesome Amusement Parks".
Kevin: The choice is so hard.
Ben: No, Kevin. It's not. It's about time to drop the act and do the right thing. A lot of people are depending on us and we might not make it back from this experience but at least we know that we in all of our effort. We're a team and a we're a team built on saving the day from evil aliens bent on taking over the world and that's what we're going to do. We're going to save the world.
Ben and the team are on a rollercoaster.
Ben: After this last ride. (goes down slope) Wheee!
Cue photo montage of the team having fun on multiple rides and games including Ben throwing Azmuth at a stack of bottles while trying to win a fluffy unicorn toy. Scene then cuts to Bivilvan building a bomb out of spaceship parts, or was it the other way around, when the team walks in.
Ben: Not so fast, limited edition Water Hazard.
Bivilvan: I have a name, y'know. Also what took you guys so long? I literally blew a hole in the wall of NASA shuttle launching building. We're talking about NASA here. I didn't even think NASA would exist in this world but it does and I broke into it and nobody showed up.
Ben: We were investigating the scene all around Florida.
Kevin: This place has good theme parks.
Bivlivan: Well you're too late because I made a spaceship with a fusion engine.
Everyone stares at him.
Bivilvan: You guys don't know what that is?
Everyone continues staring at him.
Bivilvan: (facepalming) (sighs) It's a bomb.
Ben: OH NO! You can't take off or everyone in Florida will die!
Bivilvan: Well I'm feeling a little shellfish today so I don't care.
Everyone stares at him.
Bivilvan: You sea what I did there?
Everyone stares at him.
Bivilvan: Water you guys staring at?
Everyone stares at him some more.
Bivilvan: Maybe we should H2G-
Gwen: The bombs about to go off!
Bivilvan: -OH SHOOT I'M OUT OF HERE!
Gwen, checking the bomb: Yeah, I can't diffuse it. I can call for help but you'll have to wait some more.
Kevin: Wait?! GRAGH! That's it! I've run out of patience. (cuffs hands around mouth) UNDERARMS!
Bivilvan and his bomb is tied up. Ultimate Spidermonkey then lands on the spaceship.
Kevin: Nice work, kid.
Ultimate Spidermonkey transforms back into Spidermonkey who turns back into Ben with pink eyes.
Ben: Guys! I'm finally an anodite!
Pink eyes fade away.
Ben: Dang it...
Ben scans Bivalvan with his Ultimatrix.
Bivalvan: I can't see!
Ultimatrix: Orishan. Orishans are a water type alien commonly found in the Andromeda Galaxy. It's armor is extremely dense and it can survive underwater through a series of hidden filters in its suit.
Bivalvan: You may have taken me, you criminal fiends but you'll never take my friends.
Ben: Wow! More aliens to collect? Sounds like fun.
The team then laughs while Aggregor comes and electrocutes Bivilvan in the background.
Cartoon Network Bumper: We intrupt your Ben 10 Marathon to bring you an important news update. Ben 10 is getting a new sequel called Ben 10: Omniverse. With a new look, a new Omnitrix, new aliens, new team-
Average Ben 10 Fan: Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!
Cartoon Network Bumper: and a new art style!
Average Ben 10 Fan: YE- Huh?
Cartoon Network Bumper: Check it out! (shows Ben 10 Omniverse Ben)
Average Ben 10 Fan, looking into absolute disbelief: ...
Average Ben 10 Fan hops on the computer and logs into Ben 10 Fan Faction and goes onto Planet Chatopia.
Welcome to Planet Chatopia.
BEN10FANXD: GUYS! DID U C THE NEW BEN 10 OMNIVURSE COMMERICAL?!! IT'S SO LAME RIGHT?
Buywarrior: lol wut
Ultimate Universe: You need 52 edits to be on chat right now.
Crooked Dunk left the chat.
Fastlady: I totally agree
Harpoon44: Wanna know my secret identity?
Routes: Can someone ban BEN10FANXD? He's been ignoring several warnings and strikes for the past three days.
You have been banned by Brandnew 10.
Scene shows Ryan Kelley sitting across from Graham Phillips at a cafe.
Ryan Kelley: And that's how I won the Oscars.
Graham Phillips: Wow. Cool story, bro.
Ryan Kelley: I know right. (sighs) Man, it was some good times being on Ben 10.
Graham Phillips: Yeah you had it better than I did.
Ryan Kelley: I guess so especially with my upcoming movie. Ben 10: Evolution. I'm just waiting for my agent to call me up to do that Ultimate Alien sequel.
Graham Philips: Didn't Ultimate Alien end like 3 years ago?
Ryan Kelley: They're just waiting for the 10th anniversary. I'm sure they'll call.
Graham Philips: Right... Well, I heard Ben 10 is getting a reboot. Any thoughts?
Ryan Kelley: I dunno. Design put me off a bit but it could work out. Almost looks like you.
Graham Philips: Hilarious. By the way, do you have the time?
Ryan Kelley: It's Hero Time!
Yuri Lowenthal: It's actually 4:35. (eats one of Ryan's fries)
Graham Philips: Well I should probably get going. I've got some 2017 movies to audition for.
Ryan Kelley: Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Heh.
Graham Philips, walking away: They're not gonna call!
Ryan Kelley: They will! ...They will. (sniffle)
Robert David Hall: Get my dry cleaning!
Insert Credits Here
In second place, we have Brandon. To be honest, it was good at the beginning but sort of lost its value along the way. There wasn't really a story to it, and a sizable portion of the humor felt forced. Not too bad though, Brandon.
|Meteor pigs fall upon Galvan Prime 2, all of them squealing as they are set on fire. They crash into the ground, exploding into bacon all over the planet. The Galvan scream, as the bacon sticks to them, burning their skin. Several of them start eating it, addicted to it, while they scream with smoke coming out of their mouths.
Derrick J. Wyatt: Ah! It burns us! Nasty baconses! But it’s so scrumptious!
Azmuth and Luhley are watching from Azumuth’s tower, the bacon beginning to dissolve the outer portion of the tower.
Luhley: What do we do, First Thinker Azmuth?! We are powerless against the power of bacon! It’s so good, it melts us! And they can’t stop!
Azmuth: I hate to say it, but it seems like we have pull out Droid 0 from storage.
Luhley: Not Droid 0! The last time we pulled him out, it destroyed the first Galvan Prime! We had to relocate everyone onto Prime 2!
Azmuth: It is our only machine that is immune to the acidity of the grease that thing releases. If we don’t do it, then the planet will be destroyed.
Luhley: You do it, and the planet will be destroyed! Just, don’t give him the Omnitrix again.
Azmuth and Luhley go to the basement, which has a large vault door. They open it, revealing a retina scanner. Azmuth does the scan, as it unlocks a fingerprint scan. Azmuth puts his hand on it, as the security door requests a cupcake. Azmuth pulls one out, placing it in a slot. A robotic hand reaches through, pulling the cupcake through.
GIR: CUPCAKE POWER!
A hole in the ceiling occurs, as GIR walks up from behind Azmuth and Luhley, holding an armful of cupcakes. He eats one obnoxiously with his mouth open, icing all over his face.
Luhley: How’d he get behind us if he went through the ceiling?!
Azmuth: Not essential. Now GIR. Are you familiar, with this?
Azmuth pulls out a pair of tongs, holding a piece of bacon. The aroma from the bacon becomes visible, as GIR’s eyes stretch out from where he’s standing, mesmerized.
GIR: Is it baby goat? Baby goats are so cute! Especially when they breathe fire and have poisonous breath!
Luhley: Uh, isn’t that a chimera?
Azmuth: It is toxic to us, but not to you. I want you to go around and eat all of these that are currently on the planet. Don’t let anything stop you. Take it from those trying to eat it, horde it all for yourself.
GIR: Okey dokey!
GIR comes over, clenching his mouth around the bacon and tongs, eating them both. The tongs stick out through his stomach, having an indent.
Luhley: But Azmuth! No will want this thing going around the planet! They remembered what happened last time!
Azmuth: Oh, Luhley. When will you learn? I always have a contingency plan figured out for exactly these kinds of situations.
GIR zippers up a green dog costume, having a square head hood, zipper in the front with bulging eyes, and looks highly unrealistic.
Luhley: This is your contingency plan?
Azmuth: I had planned on it being more intimidating. But I left Blukic and Driba to actually make the costume.
Luhley: Oh! This is actually good handiwork for them then.
GIR: Time to eat some enchiladas!
GIR runs off, his suit squeaking with each step.
Luhley: No! You need to eat the bacon! Oh, will we survive this day?
The Galvans run and fly on jetpacks in terror, as GIR lunges at everyone, trying to rip the bacon from their hands. Driba, partially disintegrated, does a tug-of-war against GIR for the bacon.
Driba: This is mine! I found it first!
GIR opens his mouth and eats the bacon and Driba, his screams muffled and hollowed out from the metal body. GIR uses his feet jets to fly around, swiping up all the bacon he can muster.
Driba: (In GIR’s stomach) Ah! Oh, wow! So much bacon! Ah! It burns!
A half moon shaped ship flies down, it having a glass window on the rounded side, and an extension for an engine on the opened side. The Sprittle Runner flies down, crashing through buildings as it comes to GIR swimming in bacon in a cratered hole created by the bacon. Driving the Sprittle Runner is Dr. Psychobos.
Psychobos: S-s-s-success! I, Dr. Psychobos, the g-g-g-reatest mind in the universe, and I use the term loosely, have j-j-just forced Azmuth to release his beast with the Omnitrix!
The Sprittle Runner fires a tractor beam, picking up the bacon pool, which is shrinking at an alarming rate. GIR is eating as he’s swimming, as the Sprittle Runner retreats back to the sky. Azmuth does a face palm, as Luhley sighs.
Luhley: Well, that couldn’t get any worse.
Azmuth: All citizens, make it into the underground bunkers! And stop eating the bacon, for crying out loud! Luhley, form a team of whoever’s not disintegrated or injured and rescue GIR.
Luhley: Are you serious?! Ugh! Fine! I need volunteers!
Blukic: I’ll go!
Luhley turns to Blukic, who is inside a plastic bubble, completely unharmed.
Luhley: Why aren’t you hurt?
Blukic: I got sick so I went into quarantine inside this bubble. I was going for my daily walk acting like the Galvanic Mechamorph’s soccer ball when it started raining.
Luhley: The Mechamorphs! Where are they?!
Blukic: A puddle on the ground. They didn’t react too well to the bacon grease either. Anyway, when the bacon hit the bubble, nothing happened! I think I discovered an anti-bacon weapon!
Luhley: This is what I get? Alright! The mission is to rescue GIR!
Khyber: You know, when I joined the Faction, I didn’t intend on being a pig farmer.
Malware: And I didn’t intend to work with such insignificant beings, or use such a pathetic plot to destroy Azmuth and get the Omnitrix! But, whatever works.
Dr. Psychobos joins with the two of them, using his lightning to levitate GIR and the bacon, him eating it.
Malware: Where’s the robot?! You promised me that you would bring the robot that the Omnitrix was bonded to!
Psychobos: I did, you lit-t-t-eral visioned cretin! This is the r-r-r-obot, wearing a dog costume.
Khyber: So, that isn’t a dog?
Psychobos: Why do I have to work with s-s-such imb-b-beciles?
Psychobos uses his lightning to undo the zipper, flinging the dog costume across the room to reveal GIR. Malware’s expression is exasperated.
Malware: Where, is, THE OMNITRIX?!
Psychobos brings GIR in, seeing that the Omnitrix is not on him.
Psychobos: No! Where is it, you pile of bolts?!
GIR: Aw, you’re so sweet! I think somebody needs a hug!
GIR reaches to hug Psychobos, as he pushes him away. Psychobos uses his lightning to open GIR’s head, it being filled with bacon wrapped cupcakes.
GIR: Hey! If you want to share, I can always make some more! But this batch is my precious!
Psychobos closes his head, as he opens his stomach. Bacon cascades out like a waterfall, as a shriveled up Driba lays on top of the pile, steaming.
Driba: (Hoarsely) The horror. The horror.
Malware: There is no Omnitrix! You failed me, Psychobos!
Psychobos: Nonsense. We simply c-c-change our tactics. K-k-khyber! Grab the Nemetrix. And stop the onslaught, and I use the term loosely, on Galvan Prime.
Khyber: Yeah, yeah.
Khyber gets up and starts walking, whistling blandly. The pigs stop on his command, all oinking and watching him.
GIR: Hey! I like that sound!
GIR whistles as well, as the pigs all turn their attention to him.
Khyber: You could hear my whistle?
Khyber whistles, as GIR whistles back. The two engage in a whistling conversation, which eventually turns into whistling the “Doom Song.” Psychobos and Malware are infuriated, as Dr. Psychobos does a crab shuffle.
Psychobos: I have to d-d-do everything around here.
Dr. Psychobos grabs the Nemetrix off the counter, as he comes back over. GIR and Khyber are whistling in harmony, as the pigs all dance accordingly. One pig stands up on its hind legs, snorting at GIR.
GIR: I like you. I’m going to name you Zim. Or, maybe Dib. Yeah! I’m going to name you Dib!
Dr. Psychobos attaches the Nemetrix to GIR’s chest, as it releases red feedback energy.
Psychobos: Now, Khyber! Control it with your whistle!
Khyber: Do I have to? I’m starting to like this guy.
Malware: Do it!
Khyber groans, as he whistles. GIR transforms into Muck Rock, being freed from Psychobos’ lightning prison and dropping to the ground. Muck Rock has cyan eyes.
Psychobos: Success! We have turned Azmuth’s secret weapon into our mindless servant! The Nemetrix’s f-f-feral nature will erase any brain that he had, and I use the term loosely, and made him a snarling beast!
Muck Rock sniffs the air, as it looks over at the shriveled up Driba lying on top of a pile of bacon. Muck Rock spits a stream of water, washing Driba away, revitalizing his skin and returning him to normal. Muck Rock then walks over, and eats the bacon.
Psychobos: Make it stop! Make it stop!
Khyber whistles, as Muck Rock looks up, wagging his tail. He then spots his wagging tail, snapping at it. Muck Rock then runs in a circle, chasing his tail.
Psychobos: What’s he doing?! What’s he doing?!
Dib the pig walks over to Driba, sniffing him. Driba gets up, distorted.
Driba: Huh? What? Ah!
Driba sees Dr. Psychobos shooting lightning at Muck Rock, it being immune. Khyber tries to settle Muck Rock down, as Driba hides behind Dib.
Driba: How’d I get into this?!
Muck Rock spits water, washing Malware back and bathing Psychobos. Psychobos’ lightning shocks him, as he falls back.
Khyber whistles, as Muck Rock transforms into Sand Ripper, lying on the ground. He lets out a whale call moan, as he starts flailing around like a fish out of water.
Psychobos: Alright. Now. How do we get control of this thing?
Malware: Isn’t it obvious? You revert him, and then I’ll absorb him. This will destroy him and give us the advantage against Azmuth!
Psychobos: It does seem to be the better option, considering that this thing is an uncontrollable monstrosity. Khyber, revert it.
Khyber whistles, as Sand Ripper reverts. Khyber reaches forward, swiping the Nemetrix from him, as Psychobos catches him in lightning.
GIR: Aw, you gave me a lightning pillow.
Psychobos: It’s mind is still the same?! Inconceivable!
Khyber: Are you sure that means what you think it means?
Psychobos: Of course I do!
Malware: Now, stand back.
Malware walks over towards GIR, positioning himself underneath him.
GIR: You want a hug? Yay! Come to papa!
Psychobos drops GIR, as Malware grabs GIR, him breaking down as he’s absorbed into Malware. Malware howls in pain as his body releases red energy streams, as his body takes on the form of GIR. He features Malware’s claws, and one eye, though it features a GIR style eye.
Malware/GIR: (Deeper serious GIR voice) Now that I possess this robot body, I can ravage the entirety of Galvan Prime!
Driba shouts a battle cry, as he rides Dib the pig forward. It goes to tackle Khyber, as he sidesteps out of the way. Dib crashes into the table, rocking it and flinging the Nemetrix into the air. It lands on Malware, it merging to him, releasing feedback. Malware screams, as morphs his form, becoming an enlarged TKV. The cell enters mitosis, splitting into two cells. The second cell begins to split again, as Dr. Psychobos shoots lightning at it, frying and killing it, causing it to break apart. GIR sits up out of it, smacking his lips.
GIR: What’s for breakfast?
Khyber: That’s the robot? Then that means!
Khyber whistles, as the other TKV reverts into the Malware/GIR hybrid. The Nemetrix is now integrated into its body.
Malware/GIR: Malware is dead! I have become something stronger, become something more! I am no longer Malware, and I am not a SIR unit. You can call me, Redman.
Redman: And now, I shall become the only SIR unit that can utilize an Omnitrix like device!
Redman transforms into Terroranchula, hissing at the group. It spits force field webs at Psychobos and Khyber, pinning them to the wall. Terroranchula walks over to GIR, standing over him.
GIR: AH! AH! AH, AH, AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Dib runs over, bumping GIR and flipping him onto its back, landing behind Driba.
Driba: Hold on, GIR!
Dib runs to the cannon loading tube, running into it. Khyber draws his knife, tossing it and hitting the launch button, firing the cannon to fire them out. Terroranchula turns to Khyber, hissing angrily at him.
Khyber: Well? Your prey is escaping.
Terroranchula gets right in Khyber’s face, staring him down.
GIR: Faster! Faster! Add a loop-de-loop!
Driba: Slower! Slower! We’re going to die!
Luhley and Blukic, wielding jet thrusters on plastic bubbles, fly up and bump them, stopping Dib’s momentum. GIR and Driba shoot off, as Luhley flies down, catching them in her plastic bubble.
Driba: Luhley! How’d you know I needed saving?
Luhley: Uh, I didn’t. We came to rescue GIR.
Blukic: Hey, that tickles!
Dib is in the cage with Blukic, it licking him.
Luhley: That’s not hurting?
Blukic: Nah, it’s just generic saliva in this little guy’s mouth.
Luhley: Let’s get it back to Azmuth then! Maybe he can use it to reverse engineer the effects of this nightmare!
On the ground, Azmuth looks at a hair off Dib’s chinny chin chin under a microscope, as well as the grease of the bacon on a slide.
Azmuth: Incredible. These are genetically altered pigs, designed to be able to flow through a state of a living, breathing creature resembling an Earth pig, and the cured, salted, brined and dried bacon form with high concentrations of toxic grease!
GIR: Bacon is better dipped in ketchup.
Azmuth turns, seeing GIR dipping his bacon cupcake in ketchup. He eats it, as Azmuth sighs.
Azmuth: The point is, all this bacon can revert back into these pigs, which can spontaneously create their own heat source and erupt into bacon. This can be controlled by a certain sound frequency.
Driba: The Zaroffian on the ship could control them!
Luhley: But you left him on the air ship!
Blukic: Isn’t the Zaroffian DNA unlocked in the Omnitrix?
Azmuth: (Sighs) Sadly, it is.
Luhley: Azmuth! You’re not actually considering,
Azmuth: I’m no longer considering.
Azmuth pulls out the Omnitrix, as he touches it to GIR’s stomach. It attaches itself to him, as GIR inspects it while it turns cyan.
GIR: Hey! My championship eating competition belt! I missed you!
Azmuth: Now, GIR. I need you to listen very very, very very very, very very very very closely.
GIR slurps on ketchup, then stops.
Azmuth: Why do I bother?
Driba: GIR! Save the piggies!
Blukic: The bacon turns into pigs! They were turned into weapons by mean people!
GIR: (Serious) Mean people?
GIR’s eyes turn red, as he enters battle mode. GIR slaps down the now red Omnitrix, transforming into Green Skull.
Green Skull: They’ve declared war.
Green Skull releases his ultrasonic whistle, it echoing all throughout the city. All of the bacon on the planet starts crawling along the ground, crunching up and extending out to move all together, swarming behind Green Skull. The bacon pile up and reform into pigs, them oinking and squealing in confusion. Green Skull whistles again, as the pigs all stand at attention.
Psychobos’ air ship descends through the atmosphere, coming down towards the planet.
Green Skull: Listen up, soldiers! We shall ground that piece of malasia, and free your brethren!
The pigs squeal in determination, as Green Skull whistles. The pigs light on fire, as they shoot into the sky like rockets, flying at the air ship. They crash into the asteroid part of the ship, destroying it and causing it to drop from the sky, going to crash down in the marshes outside the city.
Redman as Hypnotick flies through the army of rocket pigs, phasing through them as he snarls, approaching the ground. Hypnotick comes to the ground, and releases a red mist, mesmerizing Blukic, Driba, Luhley and Azmuth in an illusion, leaving Green Skull unharmed.
Redman: NO! How are you immune to this?! It causes you to see whatever you want most!
Green Skull: That’s because I have what I wanted most. A pig army!
Hypnotick roars at Green Skull, as he transforms into Buglizard, going to pounce at him. Green Skull catches the airborne Buglizard, tossing it aside. Green Skull reverts, as GIR slaps down the Omnitrix, becoming Eye Guy.
Eye Guy: Here we go, Redman! This is what you get for stealing the contents of my stomach!
Eye Guy fires lasers at Buglizard, which leaps back to dodge. Buglizard transforms into Skuromank, as gun turrets come out of his fur. Skuromank fires, as Eye Guy is hit, drenched in the liquid. The scent vapors rise up around Eye Guy, blinding his vision.
Eye Guy: Oh no! I can’t see! Wah!
Eye Guy starts crying, as a massive flood forms from his tears. The tears wash throughout the city, moisturizing and revitalizing the Galvan who were harmed by the bacon grease before. A wave of tears rushes into Skuromank, causing his tank track feet to get stuck in the dampened soil.
Redman: No, no, no! I am your natural predator! I should beat you!
Pigs fly overhead, all of them breaking down into bacon. It rains bacon on Skuromank, the grease steaming and causing his body to melt. He takes a semi-liquid form, struggling desperately to reform.
Redman: You think you’ve beaten me, GIR? This is only the beginning! I vow that one day, I will destroy!
Bacon hits Redman in the face, causing it to steam while melting. Redman eats the bacon, smacking his lips.
Redman: So, GREASY!
Redman devours the rest of the bacon around him, as it causes him to melt into a pile of goo, Azmuth collecting it into a container.
Azmuth: Well, I think that settles that.
Eye Guy reverts, as the pigs go to comfort GIR. Dib is among them, GIR hugging him.
GIR: Aw, I love you, Dib!
The Sprittle Runner shoots through the air, flying over the city.
Psychobos: You may have beat me today! But I will return!
Driba: Psychobos. The one who turned these pigs into weapons.
GIR: He did. I’m gonna get him!
GIR activates the Omnitrix, transforming into Nanomech. He flutters around, then flies after Psychobos.
Luhley: What’s that going to do to him?
Azmuth: Never underestimate small things?
Nanomech: (Song like) La, la la, la la, la la, la la la la, la la!
Nanomech flies headfirst at the Sprittle Runner enging, flying into it. The engine explodes on the spot, as the Sprittle Runner drops from the sky, crashing and exploding with a large mushroom cloud smoke. Nanomech flies back over, reverting.
GIR: Now, there’s only one thing left to do!
Inside the remains of Psychobos’ space ship, GIR and Khyber have set up a ranch field for the pigs, as they all squeal in delight as they play around in the mud. Khyber smiles as he uses a hoe to make a track in the pit.
Khyber: To think what fun this actually is!
GIR: Whee-hoo! Ride ‘em, Dib!
GIR is cheering Dib on, who is riding on another pig. Khyber laughs at this, as the scene draws to a close.
Our winner this time round is none other than Dioga! :D This story had flow, a good plot (which admittedly made me very hungry) and great comedy value. Congratulations, Dioga!