Well this was underwhelming. I jumped at the opportunity to judge a contest in which people had to write high-quality stories about parallel worlds. And how many people signed up? Two. How many submitted? One.
To Jack's credit, he did edit his fanon con writing entry page today...
To remove content that had been there since 2015. A quick look at his contributions and yeah no he didn't submit anything. Thanks Jack.
The Only Place
| Brandon's Entry |
|---|
Beyond the Omniverse is a special episode for the series, Ben 10: Heroverse.
PlotProfessor Paradox, narrating: The Omniverse, ah yes, I remember this place quite distinctively. A collection of many different- if not all- multiverses in existence. And within each of those Multiverses is a collection of Universes with their own respective collection of alternate timelines and, of course, dimensions; otherwise known as parallel worlds. As a being outside of time and space itself, I have the ability and genuine pleasure to traveling between times and places as a sort of dashing, time traveling hero... but, as ironic as it may seem, not all of the time. Since I exist outside of the concept of time and space, I now belong to the Omniverse, in a manner of speaking. I am one of its protectors by making sure that others don't break the laws of time or even cause a total collapse of a multiverse, itself. But despite my abilities and my passion, even the most ruthless beings in any universe can find a way to bend the rules in their favor... The atmosphere is red- dull red- with a misty vapor stretching across the sky. Devastated landscapes and buildings can be seen as the view lowers from the sky towards to the ground level. Smoke carries upwards from the ground a great distance away. When the view finally settles, a single flower can be seen surviving the horrid devastation around it. However, as it begins to slowly bloom, a shadow comes over it, hindering its growth. The shadow becomes darker as a rumbling noise grows louder and the ground, itself, begins to shake fiercely. Soon, a tank can be seen rolling over the flower, flattening it and disseminating all the life within it as it continues forwards. The tank continues moving forwards for a short moment before stopping close to a ledge. A robotic drone walks out from the side of the tank and scans the area around it. It then turns to the tank and nods. The tank charges up and then fires a projectile from its cannon, with a force strong enough to knock the tank back slightly. The projectile, whatever it may be, whistles as it soars across the skies, striking down and impacting onto what appears to be a red mountain of some kind in the distance. The explosive projectile does indeed explode, leaving behind a dent within the mountain however the structure appears pretty solid with rock. The scene moves over to ground level, close to the mountain, where rocks crash down onto the ground from above. Bodies of fallen soldiers can be seen scattered around as well. The area seemed to have been a farmstead judging by the remaining debris of a barn buried by sand and the top of a rusted shio sticking out from the ground. The base of the mountain then comes into view as the blowing dust ceases. There appears to be a well-hidden cavern present within the mountain's base. Just before the cavern entrance, a green flag can be seen held firmly within the grasp of a fallen soldier with a white hour glass symbol sketched onto it. DIMENSION-248 Inside the mountain, an elaborate set up can be seen within the cavern with several lights hung up connected with wires running across the cavern walls. The cavern stretches deeper and deeper into the mountain until it reaches an open area, with the mountain, with quite a group of people- possibly 20 to 30. Getting a closer look at the people, some of the appear to be injured and are either undergoing treatment by someone else or are resting/eating. The rest are dressed in gear of some sorts, varying between uniform, armor or just reinforced clothing. Those of the group are huddled around a table at the center of the hideaway. One of the men in uniform run out from the cavern to the table. Rebel: Sir! They've found us. I don't know how but they finally found us. They've got tanks and soon we'll have the whole armada down upon us. Rebel Captain: Alright, we knew this day would come. We've prepared for this. Rebel 2: And what good has that done? I'm sorry Captain but- we're done for. Muttering breaks out upon the group in panicked and worried tones. Rebel Captain: Hey- HEY! Listen up, all of you! We formed this rebellion because we want our planet back- No... We want our universe back. Now we be only Human but we have all worked our way to get to this point- through all the treaties and alliances with other planets, through all the wars and battles that we've fought in together, through all the planning and preparation- and now we are the last ones standing against Vilgax himself. Rebel 3: He always did say he was going to take over the Universe. If only- If only we just did something sooner, then maybe he wouldn't have- Rebel Captain: As long as we stand against him, Vilgax hasn't won anything yet. Now we have a chance to stop him. A slim chance but a chance none the less! But I need you all ready to fight for what we stand for- freedom, freedom for the people that survived so that we may rise from hiding in order to live again and bring new life to this fallen world. Let me hear you say it! Rebels, as one: FREEDOM! Rebel Captain: Now here's the plan: Over the past six months, we had a recon team scout our Vilgax's fortress. Only one of them managed to return with critical information to our cause. The captain presses a button and an image is projected onto the cavern wall before them of some kind of gateway. Rebel Captain: We believe that Vilgax has developed the resources necessary to travel between worlds. Rebel: As in a teleporter, sir? Rebel Captain: No... Something far worse than we could have possibly imagined. That (points to the image) is a Extronamic Gateway. The surviving Galvans had created the design in an attempt at abandoning the Universe when Vilgax was halfway at his universal conquest. However, they were killed by Bounty Hunters who pawned off the plans to the Tetramands, who as we knew were in league with Vilgax soon after the start of his conquest. At least, before he inevitably betrayed them. Our Tetramand spy, Manny Armstrong, recovered a copy of the plans for us but lost his life to Vilgax himself when he discovered this. Since then, he must have decided to start construction on the device. After all, with the whole Universe at his disposal, his unforgiving thirst for conquest wouldn't end at one world but another, possibly the one after that as well. And we can't let that happen. Rebel: But if he leaves, won't that be good? We can rebuild our world here without having to deal with Vilgax anymore! Rebel Captain: Fool! He would have the ability to go and come as he pleases once he gives the final part. And in any chance, even if we fall, we can not let him to do the same thing to another world. A world that hasn't had to misfortune of going through what we've been through. A world where the sky is still blue and the grass still grows and the birds sing songs to their little hearts content. We may not have been able to save our world before but we sure won't let another fall. Now, defeating Vilgax, is nearly impossible now that he has absorbed the powers of any resisting guardian of any world. But destroying his machine is still a possibility. If we can destroy that machine before he accesses another world, then Vilgax won't have a world to go to. And if we take him out in the process, then it'll be a good day once again. Rebel: But his fortress is completely fortified and with the current attack on the mountain- Vilgax must have all of his forces coming to us. Voice: Let them come. The rebels turn their heads and see a figure resting on a bed behind them. He turns and plants both feet onto the ground. He looks up, revealing himself to be Ben Tennyson, however he looks older, very depressed and scarred across the face. He also has scruffy facial hair. His whole attire consist of a worn out, dark jacket over a ripped and a dirtied version of his black/green shirt with the '10' symbol on it underneath. He struggles to even get up from the bed. Ben: It'll save us the walk. Rebel Captain: Hero, you shouldn't be out of bed. You're still recovering after- Ben: I've been recovering for years now, Captain. Let's face it. I'm never going to heal, I'm never going to recover... not after what he did to me. No. Vilgax is making his attack now and so must I. I will destroy the machine. Rebel Captain: But you haven't used your powers in years! You're not well and haven't trained. If you go out there, you may never come back. Ben: If I don't then there truly is no hope for me. I would be beyond the shell of the man I once was... I owe it to the people who gave their lives for us... for me. The captain nods and turns back. He procures some explosives and hands them over to Ben. He takes them into his hands, nearly emotionless. Then looks up at the Captain. Rebel Captain: We'll give you an hour before we send in the rest of the troops. Ben: Then let's just hope it doesn't come to that. He looks at the Captain gravely. Outside the mountain, the tank prepares to launch another strike on the rebel base. Vilgax Drone: Prepare to fire. Before the tank even gets the chance to charge up, a fireball clashes against it with flames running down the central cannon, causing the machinery inside to shortcircuit and fizz out. The drones turn and see a blazing figure launching towards them from the mountain range. One of the drones lean in closer, its eyes begin to whir in. Through the drone's perspective, the view zooms in closer to see Heatblast flying ahead, blasting powerful flames behind him in order to project forwards. Heatblast then boosts himself further outwards then eases up on the flame blasting. For a few seconds, he's in mid-air with his legs pedaling him forward before they ignite ablaze themselves, creating a flaming platform underneath his feet for him to ride on. The drones then begin to opern fire on him with their built in blaster arms but Heatblast easily blasts them away by hurling fireballs at them. He then leaps off of the platform, which soon dissipates underneath him, and hops onto the tank for a brief second before blasting himself back up into the air. He flies up straight into the sky and passes through the thick and misty clouds. When he finally reaches the clear red sky, he sees Vilgax's fortress approaching the Rebel hideaway with a fleet of many ships surrounding the perimeter. Heatblast doesn't look surprised even for a moment, in fact, he looks more grim than before. He then stops blasting fire and catches his arm direction so that he can blast himself forwards rather than upwards. The scene then cuts over to the inside of Vilgax's Fortress with a heavily armored Vilgax with cybernetic enhancements seated upon a throne, watching a holographic screen before him. Myaxx: My Lord. She kneels before his throne. Vilgax: Speak. Myaxx: Several drones and ships have been damaged and there is an object closing in to our location. While its possibile the Rebels have constructed a device to penetrate our defenses, we believe this may be the work of- Vilgax: Ben... Tennyson... So, he has finally returned upon the final day of reckoning. Let him come. Myaxx: I do not believe that is wise, Lord Vilgax. Vilgax: I've waited an eternity to destroy him and, while I have crushed his spirit, I would prefer to crush his bones with my very hands before leaving this Universe. Myaxx: Yes, Lord Vilgax... Vilgax just stares at the screen, showing footage of the blazing figure bombarding ships with fireballs and other pyrokinetic strikes. The scene then cuts to the laboratory of the fortress where the Gateway is set up. Heatblast burns through the side of the fortress and makes his way inside. He then grabs the metallic walls on the side of the hole he entered from and uses his heat to stretch the metal in order to close the hole. He then melts it shut and turns around, transforming back into Ben. He steps forwards but then stops in pain as he grabs his arm. His hand seems to emminate green slightly. Vilgax, unseen: You should have done yourself a favor, Benjamin, and lock yourself away. But no. You had to be the hero as always. Vilgax steps into view, standing before the Gateway. Ben clutches his fist despite the apparent pain and steps towards him. Vilgax: Something had always been... nagging at me. That you didn't really die. But even the best of us make mistakes. Allow me to correct that. Vilgax fires laser beams from his eyes at Ben. Ben: Hespera Sophian! A pink wall appears before him, deflecting Vilgax's eye beams right back at him. Ben then rushes forwards. Vilgax swings his arm around to strike but he slides between his legs and places some small explosives at his feet. He then pulls out a detonator and presses the button, causing an explosion to surround Vilgax. Ben then hurries to the Gateway and places charges around it. Vilgax: Did you really think your Human form would do much damage against me? Ben turns around, and sees Vilgax step out of the smoke, shielded by a yellow forcefield. He then lifts the forcefield. Ben: You have to admit: You underestimated me. Vilgax: I'll admit nothing. You may have bested me but it seems you still have some spirit left to break. Ben: Do what you want, Vilgax. There isn't anything left you can take away from me. Vilgax: I disagree. (gives a sinister grin) Myaxx then appears grabbing the Rebel Captain in a choke hold. Ben then starts to gain a look of surprise. Vilgax: You may think I underestimated you but I never underestimate Humanity. They are predictable, just as you are. Compassion is a weakness, that is something I had learned long ago. Ben: You never had compassion. You only had a lust for conquest, blood and your own ego. Vilgax: I'll allow you to speak like that only because it's your final moments in this Universe. Ben looks to the Rebel Captain. Rebel Captain: Complete the Mission, Ben! We can't let him get to any other worlds! Vilgax: Well, what will it be hero? Ben: ...You were wrong, Vilgax. Ben turns his back to Vilgax. Ben: I have broken my spirit because I'm no longer a hero. But I will be the one to make sure you cause anyone else the pain you have brought. Vilgax chuckles. Vilgax: Kill him, Myaxx. Myaxx is about to but hesistates. Vilgax actually looks somewhat surprised and turns to her. Vilgax: Myaxx... Myaxx: I- I- Vilgax: Say no more. (looks to the gateway) Your existence alone is insulting to me. Vilgax then turns to her sharply and blasts the Rebel Captain and her with his laser beam eyes. Ben: NO! Vilgax: No spirit, huh? Ben then charges for Vilgax in anger but he simply smacks him away. Ben then collides with the Gateway and crashes down onto the ground. The detonator rolls from his hands across the floor. Vilgax then walks slowly towards Ben. Vilgax: I'm going to enjoy this final moments with you, Ben Tennyson. Destroying you in every way imaginable. Myaxx: N-no... Vilgax turns and sees Myaxx raises a remote of some kind at them in one hand and holds the detonator in the other. Vilgax: MYAXX NO! She presses the button on the remote with her final breath and the Gateway activates. Ben attempts to get up or rather away from the Gateway but falls back into the portal. Vilgax: NO! He reaches forwards but Myaxx falls dead onto the detonator, causing the charges to activate and create a large chain reaction of explosions within the laboratory. Vilgax, and soon his entire Fortress, is engulfed in flames. The scene then shows the universe, itself. Professor Paradox, narrating: They say that one person can change the world. That person was meant to be Vilgax, that was his destiny. But the thing about destiny is, sometimes, it has a habit of changing. Call it fate or even temporal casuality but on that day, so very long ago, a hero was set on a path. Ben is then seen appearing in a grassy field. He slowly rises his head up and sees the grass before him, blowing softly in the wind. He grabs it with his hands and feels it. He then looks around and sees a field with an advanced looking city in the horizon. He then looks behind him and sees a large crater with smoke rising up from the center and a person standing before it, looking down. The person then turns around, revealing himself, to be a younger version of Ben, possibly in his pre-teens, wearing a grey hoodie with a green V on it. On his wrist, an Omnitrix. The first Ben looks surprised. Professor Paradox, narrating: Well... two heroes really. Ben: Who- Who are you?! Alternate Ben: Please... help me. |
The grammar isn't fantastic, to be honest. Some phrases repeat themselves over short periods, some syntax errors here and there. Some of the way this thing is written sounds like the narrator doesn't know what's going on either. A lot of things appear to be something, but are they actually that thing? I don't know, you tell me. Also some really poorly phrased sentences throughout and even missing words, overall I don't feel like this entry got the proof-reading it needed.
The dialogue is stinted and unnatural. The Rebel Captain Obvious gives a full paragraph of context to a group of freedom fighters that either don't need to know or should already know. You know who could've more naturally relayed some of this information? Professor Paradox. In that big paragraph at the beginning.
The line of events are fairly nonsensical, and become pretty confusing while also somehow cliche in the confrontation with Vilgax. As an example of the stinted dialogue being a symptom of no proof-reading:
Ben: [...] But I will be the one to make sure you cause anyone else the pain you have brought.
He didn't say what you wanted him to say. At least, I hope not.
And then there's the Infinity War ending, with Ben waking up to see a grateful universe. IDK if that was an intentional reference, but that's what I pictured in my head.
Honestly I could give a list of reasons I don't like this entry. It doesn't feel like a whole story, because it isn't. Whilst I am, myself, guilty of shoehorning most of my Fanon Con entries into Earth-1010 somehow, I at least like to think that my entries make decent stand-alone stories that you don't need to do any homework for. Is there anything I liked about this entry? Ehh...
Sorry but if there were any good ideas in here they're drowned out by poor execution. Actually, let me rephrase that: The ideas presented in this entry would be good ideas if done well. I don't think they were done well here. Simultaneously developed too much and too little.
So who gets the first place prize if not the only entry? Well I'm going to give the award for the best Parallel Worlds entry to the European Union for somehow sending us hurtling into the timeline where memes were outlawed. Congrats, EU, can't wait to see what you submit for the next Fanon Con.
(Sorry Brandon. This entry just isn't very good and I don't think it earns a victory even if by default. I didn't mean for this to be so negative. I started out kinda apologetically negative with the intention of being more positive as I got to the good stuff later on but... Yeah. Sorry.)