CaT Quits Tech 10 Forever?!(Gone Wrong)(Gone Sexy)(Gone Wild)(In the Hood)(2018)(NOT CLICKBAIT)(See Editorial for details)
God damn, this is the second-to-last issue of The CaT Gazette. Frankly, when I started this, I had no idea or plans for how far it would go. It was just something I did because every other newsletter was abandoned and it seemed like people were still interested in the concept. I pretty much abandoned the Gazette myself for a while after Issue 68, but my therapist convinced me to get it going again to do something productive, and the rest is history.
Eventually, I decided to choose a proper issue number to officially end the newsletter on instead of letting it drift slowly into the void. 100 seemed far enough away but still within reason, and I guess I must have been right about that since we're just about there. I'm not going to act like this stupid Gazette really meant anything to anyone, but I am satisfied with it as a project (for once). It's sort of a reflection of my own character changes through the past couple of years, and it can be interesting to contrast the earlier and later issues of its run.
I've changed the theme for the holiday season. I tried adding snow effects to the background in GIMP but it made the file way too big for Wikia, so I settled for adding the CSS snow drifting across the screen.
So last night I was working on writing the Ultimatrix Unleashed Imaginate movie (shocking, I know, especially since I only announced it as an art project) when I came to a realization of sorts.
What the hell am I doing?
I complain about how Star Spirit has taken up the past three years for me, but then I turn around and work on a series that's been over for eight years ON TOP OF still smacking more shit on top of Star Spirit? What the actual shit am I going to get out of this? Satisfaction? Of course not! I never let myself be satisfied. I can't just let flawed things be flawed, no no no, I have to go in and add a whole bunch of "fixes" that really just make everything more complicated for me, and by the end of it all, the new product isn't even a refined version of the story, it's just straight-up a whole new story that only relates to the original enough to make it feel tired and overdone despite the entirely new content.
I've talked about my perfectionism before, and this is just an extension of that, I think. I can't just let go of things, I have to put myself in a rut over and over again to fix what I don't like; thing is, it's never going to be fixed. By the time I finish any part of a project, I'll have grown from the experience of working on it, and suddenly the project is "beneath" a satisfactory threshold and I want to start all over again. That cycle is just gonna keep haunting me forever if I go on as-is, and as tough as it might be to suck it up, I need to do something about it.
No more revisions. No more reboots. No more of any of that. I finished Tech 10 with Star Spirit, and as much as I don't like how it turned out, I've got to let it go. I know I left the story leading it into the revisions that aren't coming, but I plan to undo that with Project Deca. I'll tell you this right now: the Star Spirit tribute episode of Project Deca will wrap up Tech 10 forever. No more games. No more gimmicks. I'm putting my foot down in front of myself, right here and right now. It's time for it to end, and time for me to move on.