|WARNING: PROFANITY FOLLOWS|
|The following content contains profanity that may not be suitable for readers of all ages. Please proceed with caution.|
|Ben 10: Stupidity Force: End Of Omnivangelion: Future|
|Season 1, Episode 4|
The Ben Tennyson Experience
Islamiverse is the fourth episode of Ben 10: Stupidity Force: End Of Omnivangelion: Future.
Ben wakes up to discover Muslim Ben converted the entire universe to Islam.
Ben was chilling on his bed, playing a video game and eating cheese sticks, as Muslim Ben walked past him, eating a bowl of cereal. Crazy Ben was on Ben’s laptop, watching Smosh with Eggy. Ben’s phone suddenly beeped with a notification. Ben read it and groaned.
(Ben): Shit. Hey, Abu-Spanner?
(Muslim Ben): (mouth full) Yeah?
(Ben): Can you do me a favor?
(Muslim Ben): What do you need?
(Ben): (chewing on cheese stick) Can you take over me today? I gotta go to the courthouse to testify in this absolutely boring case. Some dumb land dispute, I don’t really care. There’s video footage on my phone of the case’s details if you need it.
(Muslim Ben): (sigh) Alright, Ben. Should I just use BenBen then?
(Ben): Oh, no man, we can’t go into court with an Omnitrix anymore. Not since Crazy Ben used Jury Duty to legalize LSD. Thanks for that, by the way.
Crazy Ben gave Ben a thumbs up.
(Crazy Ben): You’re welcome!
(Ben): Anyway, yeah, it’ll be cool if you could take over my body for today. I wanna get in some sleep hours, I'm tired as hell. I can sleep while you’re in my body, right?
(Muslim Ben): (shrugs) I don’t know how this works anymore than you do, Ben.
(Ben): Alright, no harm in trying. Do we have a deal then?
(Muslim Ben): I guess so.
(Ben): Cool, I’m just gonna start my nap from now, then.
Ben finished eating his cheese stick and rest his head on the bed.
(Ben): Time to get my well earned rest.
(Muslim Ben): Are you sure you should be going to sleep right after eating cheese? I’ve heard it causes nightmares and such.
(Ben): Nah, don’t be paranoid. That’s nothing more than a myth. Anyway, wake me up when you get back, yeah?
(Muslim Ben): Aiwa.
Ben closed his eyes, and fell asleep on the mattress.
Ben groggily opened his eyes. He saw two blurry black shapes in front of him.
(Shape #1): Ben? Ben?
(Ben): Oh, man... how long did I sleep?
Ben opened his eyes, to see a Tetramand and a Incursean in Muslim clothing staring at him. He jumped backwards.
(Tetramand): Sabah el Kheir, Abu-Spanner!
(Ben): H-Huh? L-Looma? A-Attea?
(Attea): Ben, are you alright? You don’t look like yourself!
(Ben): What-what the fuck?
(Attea): Don’t say words like that! Not in front of our child!
Ben looked down to see frog-human child standing next to the bed.
Ben jumped backwards even more.
(Ben): What the- heck?
Into the room came in Muslim Ben, now considerably older. He has grown a white beard, and wore religious clothing. Seeing Ben, he burst into tears.
(Muslim Ben): Ben, is that you?
(Ben): Yes? Abu-Spanner?
(Muslim Ben): Oh, Ben, you’re finally awake! Alhamdulilah!
Muslim Ben rushed and hugged Ben.
(Ben): Abu-Spanner, what-what’s going on? Why are Looma and Attea in our bedroom? And why are they both Muslim?
(Looma): Ben, didn’t you know? Everyone is Muslim now!
(Muslim Ben): Yes, Ben, welcome to Islamiverse!
(Ben): (laughs) You’re joking me, right? This is some impressive set-up for a prank.
(Muslim Ben): Ben, do you know me as a practical joker?
(Ben): What? This is all real?
(Muslim Ben): Yes, Ben. Come, I’ll give you the rundown. Looma, Attea, go down for breakfast, will you? We’ll be with you soon.
(Ben): So how long was I sleeping?
(Muslim Ben): Around 30 years, Ben. When I came back from testifying on that case, you were nowhere to be found. I tried everything, Ben, believe me. But our subconscious locked you out for some unknown reason.
(Ben): That damn cheese stick... You didn’t even try Alien X?
(Muslim Ben): I didn’t want to force you out, to not cause damage to our system. The brain is a delicate organ, you know. Instead, I focused my efforts on spreading the good word of Islam across the universe. And here you are, finally materialized by our subconscious into reality.
(Ben): Wait, was Looma serious? Is everyone a Muslim now?
(Muslim Ben): Yes, Ben. Over 99% of all sentient life in the universe now follows Islam.
(Ben): You used Alien X to convert the universe to Islam?
(Muslim Ben): (chuckles) Who said anything about Alien X?
(Ben): You’re telling me you converted the entire universe to Islam by yourself in 30 years?
(Muslim Ben): Why, yes, Ben. We have tremendous political influence across the universe, as we are a major part of the Plumbers’s peacekeeping force. Not to mention the fact that we have saved it countless times, and are able to communicate effectively with many alien species using the Omnitrix.
(Muslim Ben): Now come, eat breakfast with my family.
(Ben): Speaking of, where is my family, Abu-Spanner?
(Muslim Ben): Oh, they’re all grown up now, Ben. But I’ll tell you more later.
Muslim Ben led Ben into the dining room, where he saw his family. Attea, Looma and Julie were sitting behind the table, eating middle eastern meals. Alongside them, sat a few kids, human and half-humans.
(Muslim Ben): Ben, you remember my wives.
Ben was confused.
(Ben): Hi, Abu-Spanner's family?
(Julie): Hi, Ben. It's been a while.
(Ben): Hi, uh, Julie.
(Looma): Hello, Ben!
(Muslim Ben): Ben, I would like you to meet my kids. Meet BashArms and TetrAhmad, my children with Looma.
(TetrAhmad): Hi Uncle Ben!
Ben looked at both children, who appeared to be Human/Tetramand hybrids.
(Ben): Hi, kids...
(Muslim Ben): This is Justina, my child with Julie.
Ben awkwardly waved at Justina, Muslim Ben’s teenage daughter, who waved back.
(Muslim Ben): And these are Pepohype and Froggers Poggers, my daughters with Attea.
Ben looked down to notice two young Incurseans daughters. The older was waving her hands in the air, while the younger was pogging.
(Froggers Poggers): POG!
(Ben): Pepohype? Froggers Poggers?
(Attea): We let their godfather uncle pick their names! Isn’t it frickin' adorable?
(Ben): Uncle? Do you mean-
Ben was interrupted by a loud crash as a 45 year old Crazy Ben, with a taqiyah on, kicked down the door, with a white sack in his hand.
(Crazy Ben): Salam Aleikum!
Muslim Ben's family answered together.
(Family): Walaikum Assalam!
The kids rushed to hug CBT.
(Froggers Poggers): POG!
(TetrAhmad): Did you bring us gifts, uncle CBT?
(CBT): Yes, children! I bring you the many cheeses from the faraway land of Snofrisk!
CBT opened his sack and began throwing random types of cheese across the floor, which the children happily devoured. CBT noticed Ben.
(CBT): Ben... Is that you?
(Ben): Hey. Long time no see.
CBT hugged Ben.
(CBT): You woke up! Woot woot!
(Ben): I see you converted as well. Wait, are you BenBen now?
(CBT): BenBen? I haven't heard that name in years...
(Muslim Ben): (chuckles) We don’t use BenBen anymore. I brought CBT to reality after a few years, when we decided to split our paths. He ended up converting after a few years, alhamdullilah.
(Eggy): Good to see you, Ben! You’re finally back!
An aging Eggy hopped towards Ben, holding a cane in his beak.
(Ben): Hey, Eggy. Nice to see you finally talking.
(Eggy): (chuckles) What can I say, Islam really changes a bird.
Ben looked around the room, at Muslim Ben’s big happy family.
(Ben): That’s a big, happy family you got there, Abu-Spanner, with your... 3 wives.
(Crazy Ben): Well, actually...
(Muslim Ben): I’m married to four women, Ben.
The door to the dining room opened again, as Ben saw Kai walk through, taking off her hijab.
(Kai): (awkwardly) Hello, Ben.
(Ben): You remarried her?
(Muslim Ben): Well, Ben, we haven’t... technically divorced.
(Ben): Does it even matter? After all the shit she did?
(Muslim Ben): Ben, relax. I was thinking about your children. They needed to grow in a healthy family environment. Besides, Kai changed.
(Kai): I am not the same person I used to be, Ben. Islam has changed me for the better. I realize now that cheating is bad and dumb.
(Ben): (sigh) Of course it did.
Suddenly, Muslim Ben’s Omnitrix ringing.
(Muslim Ben): Sorry, emergency call. (answers Omnitrix) Hello?
(Voice): Imam, come quick, we need you at the mosque! It’s an emergency!
(Muslim Ben): On my way! (hangs up) Ben, leave these squabbles for later. There’s an emergency at the mosque!
(Ben): (sigh) Let's go.
Muslim Ben placed his taqiyah on his Omnitrix and transformed into Alien X, wearing a taqiyah on his head.
(Muslim Ben\Hat Alien X): HAT ALIEN X!
Hat Alien X teleported all three to the mosque, which was shrouded in darkness. Through the open door, Ben saw three dark shadows. One was tall, with tentacles protruding from his face, one was humanoid, with spikes from his forehead and a spear in his hand, and the third was a chubby alien with a cowboy hat.
(Vilgax): Ben Tennyson...
Ben recoiled and instinctively hovered his hand over the Omnitrix.
(Ben): Shit! Abu-Spanner! It's Vilgax and Aggregor! And - Upchuck Norris?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Yes, Ben. They’re why we’re here.
Vilgax, Aggregor and Upchuck Norris exited the shadows, revealing themselves, also wearing traditionally Muslim clothing.
(Aggregor): Imam, we need your help! The lights are out, I think the electricity short-circuited!
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): (chuckles) Oh, this is very simple.
Hat Alien X floated into the air and raised his hand forwards, and the mosque lit up at once. Dropping back to the ground, he reverted.
(Upchuck Norris): Thank you, honored imam! Now we can go back to our prayers! Would you and your family like to join us?
(Muslim Ben): I would love to, Sahib Norris. Ben, this would be a good time to introduce you to my fellow Muslims.
(Ben): You- you pray with these guys?
(Muslim Ben): Yes, Ben. Since their conversion they have become outstanding citizens, far from the villains they used to be. Come, I’ll show you around. First, take off your shoes.
The Bens took off their shoes and entered the mosque, following Vilgax, Aggregor, and Upchuck Norris, where they found dozens of Ben’s former villains praying. Ben looked around in confusion. Muslim Ben began walking between the praying men, greeting them as they passed.
(Muslim Ben): Salam Aleikum, Brother Harangue.
(Will Harangue): Waleikum Assalam. Thank you for teaching me that racism is bad and dumb.
(Muslim Ben): Salam Aleikum, Ssserpent.
(Ssserpent): Waleikum Asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssalam, Imam. I love being Mussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssslim, Issssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssslam is the bessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst.
Muslim Ben passed by a human with white hair in a green suit, a red alien with spikes on his head, and a Pyronite, who prayed together in a group.
(Attai): It is good to see you as well, Imam.
(Ben): Who the hell are those guys?
(Muslim Ben): Oh, they’re just some powerful beings who ended up converting to Islam after invading here for a dimension war. Attai here is working on spreading the word of Islam throughout the alternate dimensions. He calls it Project Mecca.
Ben looked around the mosque, where he recognized almost everyone as one of his former villains.
(Ben): Is every villain I ever fought here?
(Muslim Ben): Yes, Ben. I haven't actually fought any villains at all in the last 5 years, if you can believe it. There are no wars on Earth, and very few across the galaxies. We are living through an unprecedented time of peace in the universe.
Grandpa Max, in Muslim attire, came up to Muslim Ben.
(Max): Ben? Is that you?
(Ben): Hey, Grandpa. Yeah, it’s me. I’m awake now.
(Max): I can’t believe you’re finally here! Alhamdullilah!
(Ben): Yeah, I can’t believe it either. Hey, um, is there a bathroom around here? I gotta pee.
(Muslim Ben): Yes, there’s one downstairs.
(Ben): Alright, be right back.
Ben left the conversation and went downstairs to the bathroom, picking up a discarded taqiyah along the way. Entering the empty bathroom, he breathed in and out a few deep breaths.
(Ben): (to himself) It’s fine, Ben, it’ll all go back to normal soon...
Ben opened the Omnitrix’s interface and selected Alien X’s hologram. Placing the taqiyah on his watch, he slammed his palm down on the Omnitrix, but nothing happened.
Ben tried transforming a few more times, but couldn’t transform.
(Ben): Why isn’t this working? Hrmph.
Ben threw away the taqiyah to the side, and selected Clockwork, before pushing down the Omnitrix again.
Ben suddenly reverted to human form.
(Ben): The hell?
Ben tried again, this time with Leapyear’s hologram.
Ben instantly reverted again.
(Ben): What the fuck?
In an explosion in front of him, Hat Alien X suddenly materialized, staring at him, ripples of white energy travelling across the room.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Ben, what were you trying to do?
(Ben): This isn't personal, Abu-Spanner!
Ben transformed again into Lurnit, but was reverted after a split second. Ben looked at Hat Alien X in anger.
(Ben): How did you know that I was going to transform?
Hat Alien X gently hovered down to the ground, speaking to Ben on eye level.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Who you spoke with before, that was a mere image of me. In order to better protect the universe, I have been Hat Alien X permanently for the last decade or so. I sensed your transformation, and quickly prevented it.
(Ben): Then why are you asking me what I tried, Abu-Spanner? Just read my mind, if you’re so omni-potent!
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I don’t use my abilities to intrude on personal thoughts, Ben. But I can infer you’re trying to go back to your timeline and prevent Islamiverse.
(Ben): Well, you’re right! You can’t keep me trapped here!
Ben slapped his Omnitrix again, which had no effect. He tried a few more times, to no avail.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Ben, don’t make me do this.
(Ben): I need to go back, man.
Ben tried to transform again. Hat Alien X sighed, and lifted his hand forwards, white energy rippling from his hand. Ben watched as his Omnitrix began degrading, going to an Omniverse Omnitrix, to an Ultimatrix, to finally an Alien Force Omnitrix. Ben inspected his Omnitrix in shock.
(Ben): No! What did you do?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I’m sorry, Ben, but you left me no choice. I degraded your Omnitrx. Our set from the first Omnitrix reboot will be the only one you can access, if an emergency should arise. When you will be ready to talk, we can discuss options.
(Ben): What are my options?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): You can stay here, and learn to adapt to this new, peaceful world, building your own family alongside mine. Or I can send you to an alternate dimension identical to the one you came from, and wipe your memory of this place.
(Ben): Not a fan of either. I’m not going to live in a fake copy of my dimension, with fake copies of my friends and family.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Well then, you have all the time in the world to think it through.
Hat Alien X’s body disappeared, revealing Muslim Ben, who started walking away from the bathroom. Ben scrolled through his Omnitrix’s aliens.
(Ben): (mumbles) Nice oversight, by the way. (transform) ALIEN X!
Inside Alien X, Ben looked up, as he saw Serena and Bellicus both wearing taqiyahs.
(Bellicus): Salam Aleikum motion!
(Serena): Motion seconded!
(Bellicus, Serena): Motion carried! Salam Aleikum, Ben Tennyson!
(Ben): Of course.
Ben sighed, and reverted from Alien X.
(Muslim Ben): Now come, Ben, we still need to get to breakfast.
Muslim Ben left the bathroom, Ben grudgingly following him. As he walked out of the bathroom, he felt something rustle in his pocket.
Ben pulled out a note, and unfolded it. On the note, a message was written in what appeared to be orange hair glued to the message. Ben was disgusted, but still read the message.
IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, MEET ME NEAR ABU-SPANNER’S OLIVE TREE AT 8:00 PM.
Ben crumpled the message, and tossed it in the garbage, before following Muslim Ben upwards.
Ben and Muslim Ben were alone sitting at the dining table at the evening, after the family has eaten their dinner. Ben was silent, barely eating his food. Muslim Ben happily looked out through the room’s window, seeing Crazy Ben as REO playing with Muslim Ben’s kids, flying on an Oreo hoverboard, alongside the kids, who were given their own hoverboards as well, their mouths stuffed with Oreos.
(Crazy Ben/REO): Weeeee!
(Froggers Poggers): POG!
(Muslim Ben): They’re so adorable together. He is a great uncle.
(Ben): Yeah, I guess.
(Muslim Ben): Ben, you haven’t touched your falafel biryani kubba za’atar labane shish kebab tahini pita hummus maqluba shawarma couscous. Are you still thinking about my offer?
(Ben): There’s not much to think about.
Ben looked out at the window as well, where REO was shooting Oreos into children’s mouths. Pepohype was waving her hands in the air on a Oreo hoverboard.
(Ben): Do they know you’re... Hat Alien X?
(Muslim Ben): (sigh) Only CBT and Eggy know, so far. It’s not an easy thing to tell. Looma would probably beat me to death if she found out. (chuckles) And not in the fun way.
Ben looked at the clock in the room, pointing to 8:00 PM, and stood up from the dining table.
(Ben): Abu-Spanner, I’m gonna go for a walk to clear my head. Think things through a bit.
(Muslim Ben): Sure, Ben.
Ben walked outside Muslim Ben’s mansion, to his backyard, and walked up to the olive tree in his garden, which he saw was surrounded in orange hairs. From behind the tree, he could see a mysterious human figure.
(Ben): Hey, I’m here, like you said...
(Mysterious Figure): Walk into the circle, Ben...
Ben, confused, stepped into the orange hair circle, and looked at the mysterious figure.
(Ben): Grandpa? You gave me that note?
(Max): Yes, son. That was me.
(Ben): Huh? Why would you want to leave?
(Max): Look, Ben, I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m horny as shit. Being a Muslim was cool for a while, but man, it got boring fast. I can’t get laid anymore ever since 99% of the population became Islamic and puritan. No girl is up for a one night stand anymore, every girl wants to save herself for marriage, and blah blah blah. I’m wild horse, Ben, you can’t hold me down, you can’t chain me up, can’t keep me in the stable. That’s why me and your grandma had to split, you see. Sex with her was wild man, she could milk me to death with those mana tentacles of hers, but I need my sexual freedom, son. Ain’t no amount of magic testicle torture can change that. Anyway, what was I getting at? Oh yeah. Now no one night stands is one thing, but no porn? That’s another thing, champ. You know me, Ben, my brain and dick are fried from years of hardcore porn, Ben, I can’t get it hard to anything that isn’t lesbian Tetramand futa lactation hardcore anal, Ben. The girls have four dicks, Ben, I can’t say no to that. Who do you think is still making this kind of porn? Nobody, that’s who. No one’s selling porn either, and it’s literally impossible to find any porn, ever since Abu-Spanner went through with the Great Porn Purge where he wiped all pornography all across the universe with Alien X. Yottabytes of pornography, yottabytes of lesbian Tetramand futa lactation hardcore anal, all that porn gone, like dust in the wind. I can’t keep jacking it to women’s eyes, Ben, I just can’t anymore. I need me a good lay, Ben. I-
Ben’s disgust reached a breaking point, and he interrupted.
(Ben): Grandpa, I get it, you’re horny, Christ. Aren’t you like 100 years old now?
(Max): Ben, I may be 100, but I keep it 💯, if you know what I mean.
(Ben): So what’s your plan? How do we escape?
(Max): First of all, eat this.
Max pulled out a shining curly orange hair, which seemed to sparkle with energy.
(Ben): What is that? That better not be someone’s pubic hair.
(Max): Don’t worry, Ben. What’s you’re looking at is one of Upchuck Norris’s beard hairs. It has unique properties that will protect us against reality benders like Hat Alien X. It’ll make us undetectable, unreadable and unpredictable to omnipotent, telepathic, and precognitive alien beings. According to CBT, Upchuck Norris is so EPIK and AWESUM you literally cannot see his next move.
(Ben): I see. Give it to me.
Ben took the hair from Max, and put it in his mouth. Swallowing it, he suddenly choked and almost hurled.
(Max): Yeah, it’s his pube, I picked it up from the mosque bathroom. Sorry, I had to get you to eat it somehow.
(Ben): It’s-it’s fine, Grandpa... So what’s (nearly vomits) what’s the plan now...
(Max): Well, Ben. I’ve been researching your past escapades as CBT during these last few years. You were left with your first aliens back when you equipped the Omnitrix again at 15, am I correct?
(Ben): Yeah. Alien X won’t work, though. Both Serena and Bellicus are Muslim now, apparently.
(Max): Just as I thought. We’ll need to access Alien X’s hat form, which will allow you to freely manipulate reality without their approval.
(Ben): I can’t access hat forms anymore, Grandpa. Abu-Spanner reverted my Omnitrix to the one I used when I was 15.
(Max): That’s why we’re going to have to find Hatty, Ben. The Hat alien that created your hat forms to begin with. We’ll place him on your head, granting you Hat Alien X and allowing you to reverse time. Everything will be normal again, and I’ll go back to busting fat nuts.
(Ben): Alright, sounds solid. So where do we find Hatty now?
(Max): I know where he is, Ben, but you’re not gonna like it.
Ben and Max were on the Rust Bucket’s space flight mode, flying through space. Ben looked through the spaceship window, and sighed.
(Ben): Was Abu-Spanner telling the truth, Grandpa? Is the universe really at peace?
(Max): Kind of, Ben. Plumbers haven’t had a real job in years. There are very few wars still going across the universe.
(Ben): Man, we’re selfish for doing this.
(Max): Ben, you and me aren’t the only ones who aren’t okay with all of this. We’ll be doing everyone who’s silent about this a favor.
(Ben): I sure hope so.
Max and Ben saw Peptos XII through the spaceship window.
(Max): We’re here, Ben. We’ll be landing in Gourmandistan shortly. Put on your Muslim disguise, Ben, we don’t want anyone suspecting us.
Ben pulled out a taqiyah from the cupboard
(Ben): Can’t believe I’m going back to this forsaken place.
(Max): The Gourmandistan war... I’m sorry you had to go through that, Ben.
(Ben): I’ve seen so much death and destruction here. So many innocents killed. What a pointless war.
The Rust Bucket flew down to the surface of the place, flying over a desert wasteland. Through the windows they could see Gourmands in black headscarves roaming the desert, AK-47s in their hands, who looked up at the spaceship as it flew over their heads.
Ben and Max were both eating at a Gourmand McDonalds.
(Ben): (mouth full) You know, Gourmandistan isn’t that bad.
(Max): Yeah, Abu-Spanner really cleaned this place up for investors. Really gentrified the place though. It’s KFCs and McDonalds for miles, man.
Ben finished his hamburger and wiped his hands.
(Ben): You ready to hit the museum?
(Max): Yeah, I’m done.
Ben and Max left McDonalds and left to the Gourmandistan History Museum next door. The two bought their tickets and entered.
(Ben): Now where is Hatty supposed to be?
(Max): He should be around the modern history section.
Ben and Max walked up to the modern history section, where they found a black top hat in a massive glass case, protected by a laser barrier. Ben looked around the room for other people or cameras, finding none.
(Ben): Okay, I’m gonna bust Hatty out. Keep watch, Grandpa.
Ben transformed into Chromastone, and stepped through the laser barrier, preventing it from triggering. Creating a laser beam from his finger tip, he began slowly cutting through the glass. Meanwhile, Max was reading off the case plaque.
(Max): Hey Ben, you up for a history lesson?
(Ben/Chromastone): I guess?
(Max): In 2039, the United States Army invaded Gourmandistan after finding the area rich in Glizzy reservoirs, leaving the already unstable area in-blah blah blah... oh, this is interesting. After winning the Gourmandistan War and deposing the Shahpchuck Saddam Juicestain, the United States installed a puppet leader, Hatyatollah Chowmeinei, leading Gourmandistan under an Islamic authoritarian Perktocracy. Seeing Gourmandistan’s state worsen, the Imam Abu-Spanner Tennyson deposed the Hatyatollah, and installed a new liberal democracy in Gourmandistan, under the rule of Imran Prawn. Seen here is the Hatyatollah’s famed hat.
Chromastone’s laser finally cut a big enough hole through the glass.
Chromastone removed the shard of glass and pulled out Hatty, who seemed to be nothing but a normal top hat.
(Ben/Chromastone): Hatty, you there?
Hatty didn’t respond. Suddenly, alarms began blaring around them.
(Max): We gotta go!
Through the door burst a few Gourmandistani police officers with guns, pointing them at the two.
(Gourmandistani Policeman): Stop! Arms up!
Chromastone put Hatty under his arm, and absorbed the laser barrier to create a blinding flash of light at the officers. Taking advantage of Chromastone lasered a hole through the wall, and ran outside, Max following him.
(Max): Rust Bucket’s that way!
Max pointed to the Rust Bucket, which was parked on the street. Max pulled out the Rust Bucket’s remote keys and opened it, as he and Ben ran to it, entering from the back door. Max rushed to the drivers seat, and began driving down the road as he set it to spaceship mode.
(Max): Hold on to something Ben!
The Rust Bucket flew up into the sky, as all the police motorcycles stopped in the middle of the street. From the back window, Ben could still see the Gourmandistani police chasing them on motorcycles, shooting at the Rust Bucket.
(Gourmandistani Police): Ibn kalb!
On the Rust Bucket, Ben put Hatty on the table, and reverted from Chromastone. Ben shook Hatty a bit.
(Ben): Hatty. Hatty. Hey. Come on.
Ben slapped Hatty twice, realizing how stupid he looked.
(Ben): Well, now what? He isn’t responding. Please don’t tell me we just stole a normal hat.
(Max): Hmm. Try electrifying him. Worked for me this one time with this Conductoid chick, we were-
(Ben): (interrupting) Please don’t elaborate on that. (transform) Brainstorm!
Brainstorm opened his brain plates and began firing off a stream of electricity at Hatty, who slowly began growing more full and more colored.
(Hatty): Hey, buddy, you can stop any moment now! I’m awake!
(Ben/Brainstorm): Oh, my apologies.
Brainstorm stopped firing electricity, and closed his brain plates, before reverting to human form.
(Hatty): Thanks, pumpkin. Nice to see you again, Tennyson. Having second thoughts after frying me and the Hatyatollah to hell?
(Ben): No, that’s um... that wasn’t me. I’m from another timeline, hi.
(Hatty): Oh, conspiring against the Big Imam, are we? You know he’s not going to like that. And when he doesn’t like something, oh boy. Look what he did to me. I’m on 0 achievements, brother. I’m as limp as a wet Thep-Khufan.
(Ben): Yeah, we’re conspiring against him. And don’t worry, we’re protected. Swallowed some Upchuck Norris... hair.
(Hatty): You ate his pubes, right?
(Hatty): (chuckles) Believe me, I know the feeling. So what's the plan, Ben?
(Ben): I'm going to need you to Hattycharge Alien X, so I can reverse time and go back to my non-Islamiverse timeline.
(Hatty): Mom and Pop Serena and Bellicus not letting you fuck around, huh? Sure, I'm up for it.
(Ben): Sick. Okay, let's do a test drive first. See if Hattycharging even works with this old piece of junk.
Ben picked up Hatty by the brim, and flipped him upside down.
(Ben): Grandpa, don't let him try anything funny alright?
Max stared blankly at Hatty.
(Ben): Hey, Grandpa? Grandpa?
(Max): Oh, sorry, Ben. All I’m seeing is a hole... yeah, I'll check in on him.
(Ben): Cool. (puts on Hatty) Alright, let's try out... Goop?
Ben selected Goop and pushed down, transforming into Hat Goop, who appeared similar to Goop, but had a top hat instead of a UFO controller.
(Ben/Hat Goop): Already a good sign! You comfy up there, Hatty?
(Hatty): You bet, habibi.
Ben tested out Hat Goop for a few seconds, throwing Hatty across the room, who bounced back to his hand.
(Ben/Hat Goop): Alright, let's try Hat Alien X now.
(Hatty): Let me try something out first Ben.
Hat Goop began moving irrationally.
(Ben/Hat Goop): Uh, Hatty? You can stop controlling me now.
(Hatty): No way, buddy. You're under my control now.
(Ben/Hat Goop): GRANDPA!
Hat Goop began flailing towards the Rust Bucket's back door, Ben hopelessly trying to fight against Hatty's control.
(Max): Oh, shit.
Max walked towards Hat Goop, who sprayed acid in front of him to prevent Max from approaching. Max jumped backwards.
(Hatty): You know what I'm gonna do, Benny? I'm gonna transform into Hat Alien X, and I'm gonna use him to create the first universe-wide Sharia theocracy! I'm gonna be Hatyatollah of the universe, Benny boy! Something your Abu-Spanner was too scared to do!
Hat Goop unwillingly pressed a button on controls, slowly opening the back of the Rust Bucket to space, creating a vacuum.
(Ben/Hat Goop): Grandpa!
(Hatty): Best of luck to ya, Sheikh Tennyson, you horny bastard!
Hat Goop stared out into space, getting ready to jump. Max, fighting against the vacuum, pulled out a long purple metallic rod from a compartment in the Rust Bucket and charged at Hat Goop. Max swung his rod at Hatty, knocking him off Goop, who collapsed to the floor, and flinging Hatty into space.
(Hatty): IBN SHARMOUTA!
(Ben/Hat Goop): Grandpa!
Max grabbed Goop by the Omnitrix symbol and desperately clinged to the ship, as the hangar doors closed. Ben reverted to human.
(Ben): Shit, man.
The door closed, and Ben and Max looked through it, seeing Hatty float backwards through the darkness of space, silently spewing vulgarities into the void. Max looked at his pulsating erotic makeshift bat in pride.
(Max): Damn, lucky I had my-
(Ben): (interrupting) Don't- I don't wanna know what that is.
Ben got back to his feet, and inspected his Omnitrix.
(Ben): I think I should still have my Hat Forms available. Give me a hat, Grandpa.
Max gave Ben a taqiyah from their previous disguises. Ben selected Alien X's hologram and placed the taqiyah over the hologram.
(Ben): Here goes nothing.
Ben slapped his watch, and transformed.
Inside Alien X, Ben was greeted with Serena and Bellicus.
(Serena): Nice hat, Ben Tennyson! Your taste in accessories certainly has improved!
(Bellicus): I agree!
(Ben): So... Full control?
(Bellicus): Yep. Have fun, ya zalame!
Serena and Bellicus waddled off into space.
(Ben): Huh. Alright. Let’s go.
Outside Alien X, Max looked at Hat Alien X, who unfroze.
(Ben/Hat Alien X): It worked, Grandpa! Time to fix the universe.
Suddenly, Muslim Ben's Hat Alien X teleported in front of them.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Ben. I thought it’d be you.
(Ben/Hat Alien X): Abu-Spanner. How'd you find us?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I heard Hatty's panicked Shahada prayer across the universe, Ben. You shouldn't have released him.
(Ben/Hat Alien X): I wasn't going to waste my time, Abu-Spanner. So are we going to have an Alien X fight or what?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): No need, Ben. I am vastly superior. I have the power of God and Islam on my side.
Muslim Ben's Hat Alien X raised his hand, and fired a white beam at Ben's Hat Alien X. Hat Alien X grabbed on to it to keep his hat on, but quickly failed as the beam separated it from his head.
(Ben/Hat Alien X): No!
Inside Alien X, a hatless Ben was quickly confronted by Serena and Bellicus again.
(Serena): Mmm. I preferred the hat, darling.
(Ben): (sigh) Just revert me.
Hat Alien X reverted to Ben, who fell down on the floor.
(Ben): Abu-Spanner, I can explain.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I was too lenient with your Omnitrix, Ben. It's best we keep it off until you relax yourself.
Ben watched as the Omnitrix disappeared off his wrist.
Hat Alien X turned to Max.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): And you. Why would you betray me, grandfather?
(Max): I’m horny, Abu-Spanner. I’m sorry.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): You know I can’t let that pass, right?
(Max): Of course. Must protect your universe-wide Islamic utopia. One less busted nut amongst foundations makes little difference.
Max took off his taqiyah, tears in his eyes.
(Max): Well? What are you waiting for? Do it.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Grandpa...
(Max): DO IT!
Hat Alien X raised his hand, and Max disappeared in a flash of white light, leaving nothing but dust where he stood.
(Ben): D-Did you just kill Grandpa?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): No, Ben. I sent him back to his nursing home. He is not lucid. Now what should I do with you?
Hat Alien X menacingly aimed his hand at Ben.
(Ben): Why don’t you just change my brain, huh? Make me okay with all of this!
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I don’t alter free will, Ben. We can converse like human beings.
(Ben): Well, let’s talk then! Why did you have to remarry her, man?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I did it for the sake of the family. I found it within myself to forgive her. Divorce is the final nail in the coffin, Ben. It is bad and dumb.
(Ben): You understand why I can’t stay with you, right? Constantly seeing both of you married together. I haven’t seen my kids in 30 years, Abu-Spanner.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): My offer still stands, Ben. I can send you to an alternate identical timeline.
(Ben): You know I can’t do that. I need to return to my original timeline, Abu-Spanner. I can’t live in a fake reality.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Ben, sending you back to the original timeline would mean this Islamiverse would never come to be. I cannot afford to let that happen.
(Ben): I’m not going to stop trying to find some way to return.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Listen to yourself, Ben, you’re being selfish. How can you call yourself a hero, when the universe is the most peaceful its been since its creation? When decillions of beings have peaceful meaning and purpose in their lives?
(Ben): Selfish? What about LGBT people, huh? All those people whose cultures you erased? Are they enjoying your utopia?
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I don’t force Islam on anyone. All beings in the universe have their options. Many chose to embrace both Islam and their identities, Ben.
(Ben): Yeah, I'm sure that choice is working out well for them under theocratic Sharia law.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Ben, I have committed myself to fight against injustices across the universe. I don’t let such governments exist. What do you take me for?
(Ben): You, by yourself, across the entire universe? Yeah, alright, sure.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): Do you think I am solely standing here in front of you? I am fighting for justice across the entirety of the universe at every single moment, Ben.
Hat Alien X rapidly teleported Ben across multiple planets in the universe. In every place, Ben saw a Hat Alien X fighting against armies with his god-like powers, constructing temples, or creating food. Finally, they returned to the Rust Bucket.
(Ben): You’re-you’re barely human.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): I gave up my humanity long ago, Ben. For the good of all life in this universe.
Hat Alien X looked down at Ben, who seemed terrified.
(Ben): What... what happened to you?
Hat Alien X’s eyes widened, as he hovered down to the ground.
(Muslim Ben/Hat Alien X): You’re right. I have been taking the wrong approach. I’m sorry for freaking you out. Let us go home.
Hat Alien X teleported himself and Ben back to his mansion, in their prayer room.
Hat Alien X lifted his hand forwards, and created a small white box in his hand. Hovering his hand over his Omnitrix symbol, he pushed down on it, and reverted to his human form.
(Muslim Ben): Here, Ben. I’ve reverted to my human form. For real, this time.
(Ben): How do I know you’re telling the truth?
(Muslim Ben): I swear it. You know me, Ben. I do not take swears lightly.
(Ben): Alright. I believe you.
(Muslim Ben): I will make a deal with you. Give me an hour to teach you about the wonders of Islam, face to face, no Celestialsapien abilities involved. If you are not convinced by then, you may press this button.
Muslim Ben opened the white box in his hand, revealing a small red button.
(Ben): What... what does the button do?
(Muslim Ben): It will reset the timeline, Ben. You will return to your room on that fateful morning, before you fell into your 30 year slumber. Do you agree to these terms?
(Ben): Yes, I... I think so.
(Muslim Ben): Good. Let us begin.
Muslim Ben closed the box and placed it on a shelf behind him, as he and Ben got down to their knees.
For the next hour Muslim Ben taught Ben, teaching him about tawhid, the prophet, prayers, and the history of the religion. Ben attempted to understand, and asked many questions along the way.
Muslim Ben looked at the clock, and saw that the hour was over.
(Muslim Ben): Ah, it seems our time is up. What do you say, Ben? Of our deal.
(Ben): I-I... I think I understand now. I think I’m ready to begin conversion, Imam. I am ready to be blessed within His light.
(Muslim Ben): Ah. I knew I could guide you to the light. We shall begin conversion after breakfast.
Muslim Ben and Ben stood up. Muslim Ben handed Ben a taqiyah from his pocket.
(Muslim Ben): For you.
(Ben): Thanks, Imam.
The two walked towards the door, and saw Crazy Ben standing in the door way.
(Crazy Ben): Hi! Uh, lol!
(Ben): Salam Aleikum, CBT.
(Muslim Ben): CBT, Ben has finally been blessed within His light. We shall hold a conversion party for him later today. Would you like to be in charge of the refreshments?
(Crazy Ben): Lolwut, yes I would, uh, like to be in charge. Of the epic refreshments! Woot woot!
(Muslim Ben): That’s good, Ben. Come, join us for breakfast.
Crazy Ben noticed the white box on the shelf, grabbed it and opened it, noticing the button.
(Crazy Ben): What does this button do, kek? Does it make, uh, awesome tacos?
(Muslim Ben): No, it doesn’t. Give it back, CBT.
Muslim Ben calmly tried to take the box from Crazy Ben’s hands, who pulled it backwards.
(Muslim Ben): CBT? Give me the box. That’s not a taco button.
(Crazy Ben): But I want tacos! Le mao!
Muslim Ben tried to take the box back, more aggressively this time. Crazy Ben held it back in his hands.
(Muslim Ben): You’re not CBT.
(Crazy Ben): (sigh) I’m sorry, Abu-Spanner.
(Muslim Ben): Ben? Is that you? Then who...
Crazy Ben revealed an Omnitrix symbol on his chest, and pushed down on it, reverting him to Ben Prime. Behind Muslim Ben, Ben Prime revealed an Omnitrix symbol under his robes and pressed down on it, reverting to Crazy Ben.
(Ben): I knew you’d convince and convert me, Abu-Spanner. I used my few seconds of Hat Alien X to call to CBT for help, telling him eat a Upchuck Norris pube. He transformed into a BenBen of me, and I transformed into a BenBen of him, and we swapped places just before you came. Then I heard your conversation in the hall.
Muslim Ben looked at Crazy Ben in disappointment.
(Muslim Ben): CBT, why... why would you do this? After everything we’ve been through?
(Crazy Ben): I’m sorry, Abu-Spanner... But... I did it for the lulz... also... Ben is low-key right...
Muslim Ben looked back at Ben.
(Muslim Ben): You didn’t even give it a chance!
(Ben): I’m sorry, Abu-Spanner.
Ben pressed down on the button in the box, resetting the timeline.
Ben woke up in his room from earlier, cheese stick still in his hand. Throwing the cheese stick in the bin, he saw the notification pop on his phone again. He turned to his alters.
(Ben): Hey guys, I gotta go to this case in a few minutes, okay? You can handle yourselves here, right?
(Muslim Ben): (mouth full) Yeah, I think so.
Ben got up from his bed, and went to his closet to change to a suit.
(Ben): Hey, I have a question for you two.
(Crazy Ben): Ye?
(Ben): What’s your plan? Long-term, I mean.
(Muslim Ben): What do you mean, Ben?
(Ben): I mean, you know you can come to reality any time we want, right? We have aliens who can do that.
(Muslim Ben): Your subconscious brought us here because you need help right now. You’re in a tough time in your life, with your divorce and whatnot. I think its only fair we stay until the matter is resolved, however long that may take.
(Ben): I’d really appreciate if you did. Thanks, guys. For being here.
Ben changed to a suit, and left the apartment for his case. Muslim Ben sat on the bed, as his phone rang.
(Muslim Ben): (answering phone) Yes?
(Future Muslim Ben): (through phone) (sadly) Does he know?
(Muslim Ben): He doesn’t suspect a thing.
Muslim Ben hung up the phone.
THIS EPISODE IS DEDICATED TO THE BRAVE MURKJAHIDEEN FIGHTERS OF GOURMANDISTAN
- Ben Tennyson
- Max Tennyson
- Looma Red Wind
- Julie Yamamoto
- BashArms Tennyson
- TetrAhmad Tennyson
- Justina Tennyson
- Pepohype Tennyson
- Froggers Poggers Tennyson
- Kai Green
- Upchuck Norris
- Will Harangue
- Attai Zehn (cameo)
- Terox (cameo)
- Apollo (cameo)
- Clockwork (cameo)
- Leapyear (cameo)
- Lurnit (cameo)
- Alien X
- Hat Goop (BTSFEOOF debut)
- Hat Alien X
- BenBen (Crazy Ben)
By Muslim Ben
- Hat Alien X (BTSFEOOF debut)
By Crazy Ben