Insert Horrible Title Pun Here is the (Non-Canon) first episode of Tech 10: Rebooted.
|Season 0, Episode 0|
|Air date||December 14, 2012|
|Directed by||Is this a trick question?|
A Blade is a Blade
Well, today was a weird day. Coming from me, the guy who transforms into aliens that look like notebook doodles, that's saying a lot. Okay, I'll tell, but only if you promise not to laugh.
I had to use a rainbow death ray to wipe out an invasion force comprised of fluffy teddy bears.
Oh, come on! It's not that funny!
Take a break to BREATHE, will ya?!
I hope you suffocate.
So, it started out as any normal day for me. Eating breakfast, taking a walk, beating up an insectoid alien that was creating havoc. Just normal stuff.
...Or getting beat up by an insectoiud alien creating havoc.
"Well, you know, OW." I had said, peeling my face from the pavement. "Okay Aquadilus, this is getting me nowhere."
Oh, maybe I should introduce who I am and who Aquadilus is. My name is Tech, and I use a device called the SpecTrix to transform into various aliens and defend Earth. How I ended up with it is a story for another day. Anyways, I built an alien tourist shop in the gorge near my house as a cover for my base. I hired Aquadilus on as an assistant to manage the shop and the base, all while helping me to manage the SpecTrix and giving me information. He has a fairly high salary.
"Well, maybe instead of fighting the alien that shoots ENERGY with Electrolite, an alien MADE OF ENERGY," Aquadilus responded through the SpecTrix, "You should turn into something with more of a physical form. Just an idea."
Instead of responding, I just grumbled a bit and hit the SpecTrix dial without really having a specific alien in mind. There was a green flash as I turned into...
"MEEROAR?!" I yelled. "Are you KIDDING me?! Talk about the most useless, impractical-"
I was interrupted by having a beam of energy shooting at me, reflecting off of my mirror spines, and hitting the insectoid alien dead center in the head, knocking it out.
"...Amazing choice for an alien!"
"How does it feel to know that the SpecTrix AI can choose better aliens than you?" Aquadilus asked.
"Hey, do you WANT a pay cut?!" I responded.
"My contract specifically states I cannot have my pay cut or my job terminated for at least five more years."
In a warehouse the next city over, an old teddy bear stirred. Thinking evil thoughts, it got up, and started heading towards the exit to join the other evil teddy bears to do evil...stuff, I guess.
I SWEAR to ARCEUS I am not making this up.
So, this is probably starting to sound incredibly stupid and cheesy to you. The fact is, it is. The Earth was almost taken over by freaking TEDDY BEARS. You know, sometimes I wonder if it would be too much to just round up the idiots in the world and write KILL THESE FIRST, PLEASE on them. But no, the threat always ends up targeting everyone. Sorry, getting off topic.
Anyways, I was in space at the moment, transformed into Rockoustic, training for situations that might require zero-gravity fighting. I honestly don't know HOW I could POSSIBLY have not seen what was coming.
A giant invisible warship crashing into me. Yeah, one of the more OBVIOUS things in life. Giant invisible warships.
Unfortunately for the warship, crashing into Rockoustic is pretty much like the Titanic disaster.
I found myself on the floor inside of the heavily damaged spaceship, surrounded by the fluffy carnage of hundreds of teddy bears. Finding this situation somewhat strange, I decided to get up and start walking to see if I could find out what was going on. I could hear a starnge thumping sound that was slowly getting louder. As I rounded a corner, I finally found the source of the thumping.
A giant room filled with millions of teddy bears marching in place.
Suddenly, I was surrounded in an electric field which prevented me from moving into the room.
"I see you've found my little base of operations."
I turned around in the electric field to see...
A walking Red Lobster course
"Oh, hi, random uncooked lunch." I said nonchalantly.
"I am not random or uncooked!" The thing snapped. "I am specific and at a perfect body temperature! Everything about me is PERFECT!"
The crab thing ignored me and kept on rambling.
"Yes, I, Cornelius Zelosis Xenon am PERFECT in every which way!"
He whipped his head to face me.
"YOU, however, you imperfect, ship destroying, BEING, you, you can call me The Puppet Master!"
"See above statement."
"Fool! Statements do not exist on a dimensional plane!"
"Good for you."
"ANOTHER flawed statement! The things that are 'good for me' at the moment are my destructive army and my perfection!"
I glanced at the teddy bears and back at the weird crab thing, or 'Puppet Master', I guess. Destructive army? What the heck?
"Upon researching Earth, " He continued. "I found that the bear is the most versatile large predator on the planet. Well, other than those pathetic HUMANS, but I can only control INANIMATE objects."
"I hate to break this to you, but bears are living beings. You are currently controlling TEDDY bears. You know, children's toys."
There was an awkward silence as the Puppet Master was obviously trying to come up with something arrogant to say.
"Well then, I'll just have to use these to power my super weapon." He said.
Suddenly, the ship started rumbling. I turned around to see the floor of the room with the teddy bear army turn into a...giant...treadmill.
Yeah, I was just as confused as you.
"Despite the damage you've done to my ship, I can still use the Oribital Prism Cannon to bombard the Earth with enough light energy to burn a hole straight through the core."
"Why would you do that?" I asked.
"Because I feel like it."
"That is the stupidest reason I have ever heard!"
"Your opinion does not matter to me."
I could hear a buzzing noise, presumeably the super weapon powering up. Deciding that enough was enough, I truned into Sandrill and went through the electrical field into the room of teddy bears.
"Ack!" The Puppet Master yelled. "How did you do that?!"
"I can't make up my mind on what species I wanted to be when I grow up, what do YOU think?!" I yelled.
"Gah! Bear Army, ATTACK! Oh, and keep running! Attack while running! Stop at NOTHING!"
I was suddenly leaped upon by dozens of teddy bears. As you could guess, I just slammed them with sand and drilled through them. But they just kept coming! Soon, every part of Sandrill was buried under a pile of bears.
"HAHAHA!" The Puppet Master laughed. "You cannot POSSIBLY defeat ALL of these bears in time!"
I tried to say something witty, but my mouth was full of fluff. This was getting ridiculous. With a green flash, I turned into Meeroar and roared the bears off of me. I ran over to the walls and randomly started tearing stuff up, hoping I would disable the cannon. Somehow. I don't really know what I was thinking, it was mainly instincts.
"Stop it, you fool!" The Puppet Master yelled. "I managed to cut off the damaged parts of the ship, but if you hit a power conduit-"
There was a large flash as a rainbow-colored beam of light came out of the wall and hit the floor.
"-I won't be able to fix it before the air runs out." He finished.
"Why don't you just tell you bears to STOP POWERING THE THING DESTROYING THE SHIP?!"
"Because I told them to stop at NOTHING! They won't listen if I tell them to stop!"
"You know, for someone so 'perfect', you're kind of stupid. Looks like it's up to me."
I stepped into the light ray and adjusted the spines on my back to reflect the ray in between two of them. I scanned the room, aiming my shot. With the ray getting even brighter, I took aim and finally said the line I've wanted to use ever since I got the SpecTrix. Seriously. Ever. Since.
"TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHA-FOOPAS!"
There was a large ZAP! as I used the beam to fry the bears to kingdom come. Yeah, the strangeness of the situation isn't lost on me, either. After all the bears were fried stuffing, I turned into Rockoustic again.
"You incompetent FOOL!" The Puppet Master yelled. "If it hadn't been for you, my plan would have gone forward without a hitch!"
"Dude, I just defeated your entire army with a RAINBOW." I snapped. "Don't MAKE me go all unicorn on your sorry butt!"
Without waiting for a response, I flew away, smashing through the ship until I reached space. I heard his voice resounding in my head, yelling that he was going to get me someday.
- This episode is a parody of the original Tech 10 continuity's pun-based titles, entry log writing format, ridiculous plotlines, and rushed storytelling.
- This is the only episode of Tech 10: Rebooted to be written in first person.