| WARNING: PROFANITY FOLLOWS |
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| The following content contains profanity that may not be suitable for readers of all ages. Please proceed with caution. |
Inmates is the first episode of Crazy Angry Alien Tiger. It aired as a sneak peak on March 11th, 2015.
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| ---- | Harvested Evil |
Synopsis[]
An Appoplexian snickers as a woman with an enlarged rear passes by. He was in his hometown of Undertown where aliens have been in hiding from humans for the past century. He waits for his client who whistles behind him and the Appoplexian casually strolls into the dark alley. The Appoplexian slips a bag of white powder to a small green slug-like alien who drops a few taydens.
[Alien]: Thanks Snax, same time next week?
Snax nods and snickers before snatching them and sticking them in a pocket on his vest. A man in Plumber armor with an irritated look begins walking toward Snax, the Appoplexian.
[Plumber]: What was that little bag?
[Snax]: None of your business. Fourth amendment, bitch!
The Plumber sighs.
[Plumber]: Sir, put your hands behind your back.
[Snax]: Why?
The Plumber stifles a chuckle.
[Plumber]: Probable cause, bitch.
Snax jumps and kicks him before turning and fleeing. The Plumber stumbles back before regaining his balance and fires a Mark VII blaster. Snax screeches out in pain as the blue energy beam burns his fur. He feels the energy cuffs hovering over the scorched fur on his wrists.
[Plumber]: You have the right to remain silent.
Snax growls as the pointed claw outstretch from his hand and he rips his hand frees. The Plumber gasps as he is uppercutted. The Plumber groans as Snax dashes away with the taydens, making yet another escape. He turns another corner with his sprinting spree when three more Plumbers, foreign species he hasn't seen before, stop him. They restrain his arms. He tumbles forward but a Tetramand kicks him in the face, causing blood to drizzle down his chin. Snax knew his nose was broken. A Plumber with slender arms holds out a device which shoots out a beam that scans Snax. The device pulls up a hologram of Snax with all of his information. Then, he spoke with an orotund tone.
[Plumber]: Snax of the Appoplexian, you are hereby under arrest for the possession and distributing of drugs. A friend of yours has also named you in court. You are being transferred to a federal prison.
In a rage, Snax begins flinging his arms to no avail.
[Snax]: Who did it? WHO NAMED ME?
The Plumber pulls up a hologram on his Plumber Badge of an Talpaedan. The familiar face angered Snax further.
[Snax]: Rocky?
The Plumbers close in on up and shock him unconscious then stuff a bag over his head.
His eye's snapped open. Snax looked around and then patted himself down. He was wearing a torn-up, amber colored jumpsuit with a number on it. He knew where he was. Snax had been here before. Incarcecon. Rage washed over him as he began banging on the forcefield keeping him in his cell. In a slit to his right, a tray of glub slammed on to the ground.
[Plumber]: Dinner time.
He began taunting Snax. A low grow emerged from his mouth as he lunged for the Plumber but instead crashed into the forcefield. The constant ripples on the forcefield and the buzzing interested Snax. He wondered if there was a way to create a hole so he could escape this hellhole. In the cell next to him, a Revonnahgander began speaking to him.
[Kon]: The name's Kon. What you here for?
[Snax]: Drug distribution.
Snax hears a scoff before silence for a few seconds then Kon spoke.
[Kon]: I guess most of these Plumbers wanna uphold the laws, but these ones here, they're corrupt and cruel. But, hey, that's not my problem. I ain't gonna be here long. I've escaped twenty-two prisons, this one's no different. I have a mission which will let you live comfortably for the rest of your nine-lives.
Snax chuckles himself.
[Snax]: Good luck.
He spoke with a sarcastic tone before the force field dimmed in force and an announcer spoke through speakers in the ceiling.
[Plumber]: All inmates report to the main hall for leisure time. Exactly forty minutes from now, report back to your cell.
Snax reluctantly shuffles out of his cell as he is nudged forward violently by a guard. He trips and smacks into the ground. He groans before standing up and entering a series of corridors. After mindlessly wandering, he finds himself in a large chamber filled with orange-colored jumpsuits. After wandering around, he spotted Rocky. The Talpadean whimpers and shrivels back as a blue alien with horns popping out his head.
[Alien]: This is my booty.
The other prisoners tremble back in fear from the obviously larger alien. Snax, sighing in frustration, taps the alien on the shoulder.
[Alien]: The fuck do you want?
[Snax]: You see, I can't let you kill my friend here. I need him.
The alien flares his nostril with air puffing air before he cracks his knuckles.
[Alien]: What are you going to do about it?
Snax looks away, pondering for less than a second before facing the alien once more and head butting him as hard as he could. The alien stumbles back. Snax leaps forward and holds a claw which extends to his throat.
[Snax]: He ain't no bitch's booty.
He punches the alien with such force it startled him. Guards rushed behind Snax with sticks zapping electricity out of the end of it. Snax spits before inhaling and putting his hands up. The guard cuffs him with energy cuffs before Snax looks at Rocky who nods in thanks. Snax shrugs before being escorted back to his cell, snorting with an annoyed expression across his face. Rocky sat on the bench smiling like an idiot.
Snax had no sense of time in his cell. No sense whether it was light or dark at his home. Whether his mother was asleep or even alive. There was a banging on the wall. It was Kon in the adjacent cell.
[Kon]: That was some sweet-ass shit you threw down yesterday.
[Snax]: Whatever. I didn't even do shit to be in here. Drug transporter across the border isn't that bad. I didn't even smoke half of them.
[Kon]: You here for drug smuggling? Must've been an idiot to be caught.
[Snax]: I was named in a hearing.
[Kon]: Bullshit like that is why I work solo.
[Snax]: What'd you even do to get in this shit hole?
Kon stifles a laugh before responding.
[Kon]: Wasn't doing to well out there. Times are tough. Did a couple heists before there was one giant ass bank where there were undercover cops. Shit got me locked up real quick. Didn't help that I was illegally bounty hunting. I have a large mission right now for a large sum to kill this dumb jerk.
There was silence for a few minutes.
[Kon]: I'm thinking about busting out. I'll continue my mission. You in?
Snax thinks for a minute.
[Snax]: I'm in.
A few weeks later, Snax and Kon are in their cells, discussing life.
[Kon]: Alright, alright. What are some things men never say?
Snax snickers.
[Snax]: Don't we owe your mother a visit?
Kon cackles before biting his finger nails, trying to think of his own answer.
[Kon]: I hate it when I miss Oprah.
[Snax]: Does this suit make me look fat?
[Kon]: You're sister is hotter than you.
They both laugh. Soon, both are asleep, snoring loudly.
On routine, the force field dimmed just like the three months before when Snax just got incarcerated. Kon winked to Snax as they entered the familiar dim-colored chamber with multiple prisoners snorting or punching each other. Snax looked suprised to see Rocky sitting next to a girl. However, two large prisoners each grab one of her arms and drag her away.
[Rocky]: No!
Rocky crumples into fetal position and whimpers. Snax, unsure of his motives, dashes after them and tackles one down. He snaps his neck and then bites down the other one. Snax spits out the chunk of flesh. Rocky dashes over. Snax spits on the dead corpses then turns, following Rocky.
[Rocky]: Snax! Come here.
Rocky tugs Snax over to his table. Gunny looks up at him. Her arms were bruised. He changes his glance from Rocky to Gunny.
[Gunny]: Thanks. I guess I owe you one.
[Snax]: Yeah whatever. You seem to much of a honest bitch for a hell hole like this. What'd you do?
Gunny exhales quietly like a mouse.
[Gunny]: There was this big bad warlord who employed thousands of mercenaries. He killed my extended family, my lover and brain washed my brother with power who then murdered my parents. His death left thousands unemployed and sent to prison. Was just trying to bring poetic justice.
[Kon]: An eye for an eye? What bullshit. I don't give a monkey's left nut for you mopey backstory. I'm escaping with Snax to complete a certain mission a third party investor had requested so I can spend the rest of my days on the other side of the universe from all fuck faces, like yourself.
Kon walks away. Snax stayed.
[Snax]: How long is your sentence?
[Gunny]: First degree murder so it's probably a life sentence.
[Snax]: You don't know?
[Gunny]: Didn't exactly listen to my trial. Everything was blurry back then. I'm clean now but I've done all kinds of shit in my last few years.
There are a few shouts before Snax turns and witnesses Kon doing a flip and snapping a guard's neck with his feet. Kon grabs the blaster and shoots down two other guards. He tosses their blaster to Snax and Gunny. All four of them dive into an elevator. There is a ding when it opens and the group reached the docking bay. Guards surround them.
[Kon]: Holy fuck, this bitches don't give up. I'll cover you, move!
Snax nods, hesitant to leave this friend he has acquired over the timespan of the three months he has been here. .
[Snax]: Thanks brother. We'll wait for you.
Snax, Gunny, and Rocky sprint toward the ship. Guards fire at them. Rocky covers his head with his hands as Gunny shoots two of them down. The cockpit doors slide down as they leap forward. Snax motions to Kon, who was firing at the incoming guards to come on. Kon nods and turns, beginning to sprint. Gunny turns the ship and begins moving.
[Snax]: Wait! Kon, get your ass on here now!
Kon yells as he sprints as fast as he can. Snax watches as three guards appear out of a corridor to the ship's left and all three begin firing. A bullet rips through Kon's knee and he falls, screaming in pain. The guards begin beating him into unconsciousness. Snax sighs in disappointment.
[Gunny]: Hey, we gotta leave now.
Snax nods as Gunny pulls back on a stick allowing the ship to hover and cruises smoothly out of a hatch, into the cosmos wherever they feel like exploring.
[Snax]: I'll be back Kon. I'll keep my promise. We'll get you out and do that mission.
His eyelids grow heavy as minutes turn to hours. Gunny yawns as she cruises past an imperial Plumber vehicle, tinting the windows three shades. Snax opens a shelf and widely grins when he sees a green stained glass bottle. The familiar aroma of alcohol stunk the cockpit as Snax bit the top of and spit it out. Gunny hits auto-pilot and swivels her chair to face Snax.
[Gunny]: Are you fucking kidding me? You're drinking Peach Schnapps.
He guzzles down the entire bottle. He picks up three more and gulps them all.
[Snax]: Listen bitch, I thank you for taking care of my associate but I have a mission to bust out Kon's ass and right now I need to relax.
He burps and a little vomit spews out.
[Gunny]: You're drunk.
Snax stands up, towering over her but staggers and crashes into the wall.
[Gunny]: What kind of idiot gets drunk on Peach Schnapps?
She looks at Snax who was now unconscious. She shakes her head and walks over to Rocky who fiddling with a cube. It morphed into a triangle. He smiled in glee. She smiles before turning back to pilot.
Snax leaped up. He looked around. Rocky sat on a bunk bed, the top bunk, his feet dangling over the edge. His attention turned to Gunny. He looked around. The usual vibration from moving stopped.
[Snax]: Yo diamond lady, why aren't we moving?
Gunny sighed in disbelief.
[Gunny]: Do you ever stop with the insults? We're out of fuel genius.
[Snax]: Then get some more.
[Gunny]: What do you think I'm doing? We're stopping at Peptos XII.
[Snax]: Can we eat the green things?
[Gunny]: Are you serious? The Gouramands?
She considers giving him more alcohol but stops herself. She turns back to the controls and begins pulling levers and hitting buttons to land. The helipad had half-eaten donuts and waffles with maple syrup drizzled on top. Rocky smiles eagerly as the cockpit doors open he begins picking up waffles and placing them back on the ship Queen Rumbletum hovered on a hoverchair to the three.
[Queen Rumbletum]: Greeting! I humbly welcome you to my home. Gunny of the Petrosapien, you notified me of your presence no less than an hour ago.
Gunny kneeled.
[Gunny]: Your highness, it's an honor.
Snax muttered to Rocky.
[Snax]: Ass-kisser.
Rocky bumbles around, scooping up more food.
[Queen]: I'll give you the supplies your vessel demands, however, I need service in return.
[Gunny]: Of course.
She motions one of her ambassadors over to read a scroll.
[Ambassador]: Any foreign visitors to the domain of the Perks shall hereby invest three days of their time to helping Your Highness defeat the treacherous King of the Murks, King Growlbelly.
[Snax]: We do get to eat the Gourmands!
Gunny facepalms herself then apologizes to the queen for her comrades. She requests for a minute to speak with them. The queen agrees. The three of them stand in a huddle. Syrup flows down Rocky's chin.
[Gunny]: This is wrong. We shouldn't fight. These could be the bad guys.
[Snax]: Why do you care? We fight a little, get the fuel and go. Simple as that.
[Gunny]: The Perks have an unfair advantage. I'll visit the Murks. Here.
She hands them a Plumber Badge.
[Gunny]: Contact me through this.
[Snax]: Yeah, whatever.
The three of them walk away. Gunny and Rocky turn into specs before disappearing into the sugar filled candyland.
[Snax]: Now, uh, let's fight!
There is static before Gunny speaks on the Plumber badge.
[Gunny]: Hey stupid, you're supposed to stop the war not encourage it.
[Snax]: Shut up.
He mutes the badge. Snax looks at his hands. They were shaking. He realized he hadn't taken a moment to realize what a rollercoaster his life has been the last few months. He was in prison, he watched his father die. It was the trauma which finally brought his senses. With determination, Snax turns and sees an army marching in the distance, with shields that looked like plates and archers shooting flaming marshmellows on the end of sticks.
[Queen]: Shields up!
The Perks put up their plates and let the marshemellows bounce off harmlessly. Some penetrated and a few were killed. Snax heard someone wailing.
[Perk Gourmand]: Wake up Chad, Chad your wife made me promise! I promised her you'd live! Please wake up.
Snax opened his mouth in despair as the two enormous armies began to clash, some with whips and the others with butter knifes. Blood splattered on the ground. It was a epic battle with the large field flooding with blood of soldiers. Three Murks charged at Snax. Snax did a backflip and smacked two of them into each other and ripped the third in half. In the distance, he sees Gunny's eyes look at him like a monster. She grabs two Perk's and two Murk's and tossed two one way, the other two the other way. A arrow soared to King Growlbelly but Rocky pushes him over, allowing the arrow to dig into his back. He cries out in pain.
[Snax]: Rocky!
He begins beating down multiple Gourmands, no matter if they are Perk or Murk. The sides continue to clash with their swords. The younger, more agile soldiers leap like a cat, prancing and slashing. Snax saw the uncertainty in the dying warriors' eyes as the Gourmands continue to die out in the hundreds. He grab a dying Perk and turned to flee but by the time he reached the back of the battle, the poor soul's body had turned cold. The smell of carrion flesh began to overwash the battlefield. He stands up only to be struck down by Gunny.
[Gunny]: You sick psychopathic maniac. You kill. Why?
Snax's eyes bulged with rage as he dove for Gunny who swiftly dodged his attack by leaping to her left. Two Perks throw spears at her. She catches them and breaks them by bringing them down onto her knee. Snax brought his knee into her gut and he felt the wind knock out of her as she staggered, attempting to breathe. Snax's feet stained pink from the blood kick her jaw as she stumbles back. Gunny spits out blood before jumping up and slamming Snax into the ground. Snax grabs her ankle and slams her into the ground. Gunny jabbed at his ribs where the pain jerked him to the ground. He sluggishly swung again where Gunny dodged it. Ripples of pain swim through both of their bodies. Gunny attempted to tackle him but he shoved her off and she scooted backwards, regaining her balance.
[Snax]: I always knew you were weak but this is pathetic.
Gunny frowns and turns and watches as two Murks hold a Perk captive and a third Murk brings a sword down, chopping of the Perk's head. It bounced and rolled onto Gunny's feet. She grabbed and smashed it into Snax's head. Snax growls and kicks her. Her body is shot back and crashes into the side of a mountain. A quake rumbled the ground from her collision. She noticed a crack on her chest. She morphs her hands and shoots crystals. Snax breaks them and charges her. She pulls up a crystal wall, blocking him off of her. She begins to weep in her crystal room as Snax from outside, bangs on it. It shatters and rumbles with every punch.
Meanwhile, two medics watch over Rocky. They pull the arrow out and begin treating his wound. Three Perks charge and the Murks grab their axes and slice them down.
[King Growlbelly]: Thank you for you services. Your an honorary being.
[Rocky]: I don't like war. War is what kills us. I don't want to die.
[King]: They are going to kill us. You need to help us.
Rocky sits still, pondering his morality. Back to Gunny, she creates a giant diamond hammer as Snax breaks the diamond shield. She swings as the hammers throws Snax backwards, knocking him unconscious. She spits on him before returning back to the battle. Clouds of dust irritate her eyes from the collapsing land structures from the battle. She step over dead bodies. Her own blood drips down. Weariness pulls her down but she fought to keep walking. In the distance, she spotted the battle. The scent of dried blood clung to her, making her queasy.
There was a pattern at first, but soon the explosions became so rapid that Rocky couldnt' stand up, the ground shaking to much. He landed on his wound and he cried out. Rocky called out for Snax, for Gunny, for anyone. The king ordered his medics to treat Rocky.
[King]: He shall not die!
Just then, three Plumber ships land. Gunny sees them.
[Gunny]: Shit, the Plumber Badges.
She takes hers out of her utility belt and stomps on it. She manages to sprint into the ship and begins piloting.
[Gunny]: Where are you Rocky?
Rocky sees the Plumbers and knows what he has to do. Rocky turns to the king.
[Rocky[: I must leave now!
The king nods, apparently understanding the situation. Rocky digs underground a tunnel and finds Snax. He scoops him up and sees Gunny, motioning her over. The ship hovers over them and with his vibrations, he shoots himself, carrying Snax, onto the ship. The impact causes the ship to stagger but Gunny is able to regain control. The Plumber ship shouted out an order but they were already gone, leaving the Gourmands at war.
The three of them shuffle into Undertown. Gunny, healing from her wounds, was not speaking to Snax. Snax looked like he was hit by a train. Most of fur was scorched off. He had a black eye and his clothes were torn. All over his body were cuts and bruises with dirt and sweat covering his body leaving a foul odor trailing behind him. He guides them toward his current home. A shack filled with a few cots and a cabinet with little food. No one really saw them. It was a late hour here. Snax starts a bonfire. The flames sizzles and crackle.
[Snax]: I'm going to bust Kon out tomorrow. Come if you want to.
[Gunny]: Whatever.
The two of them exchange angry glances. Rocky sighs.
[Rocky]: Enough, both of you! We've been through a war together and a prison! You two fought it out, that's okay. You need to release your emotions but you will both go crazy if you don't stop the unneeded bickering.
Gunny remains silent as Snax turns onto his back, laying on of the cots. His eyes snap shut. Rocky stares at the fire, his mind wandering. Soon, his eyes close as well and all is at peace.
End