Herc Crashes the Ship is the first episode of Herc the Merc


As Herc flew his ship through Earth's atmosphere, he was getting increasingly annoyed. This wasn't at all like 'The Smashron's Guide to Secret Earth Infiltrarion' had said. And by the way, even though the name suggested that he was as dumb as a Smashron, he most definitly was not. At all. Why he was putting up with Earth's atmosphere was a very sinister(in his own mind) purpose. He was going to snatch the Ultimatrix, return to space, and then sell it for mucho grande money. At least, that was the plan. He shouldv'e just hired someone as a guide, like Igneoux had said. He felt his anger grow at the very thought of Igneoux. Igneoux was a stuck-up jerk that stole buisness from the other mercenarys and bounty hunters. He thought he was all that. Unfortunately, Igneoux was all that, and more. He was the most succesful bounty hunter in history, and Herc was determined to beat that record. He remembered the 'advice' Igneoux had given him.

"Going to Earth, huh?" Igneoux had said. "If I were you, kid, I would get a guide. Earth is a dangerous place for unexperienced bounty hunters. The defenses are surprisingly more advanced than they let on. Starting with the atmosphere. Almost as bad as Venus."

"And just how would you know so much about Earth?" Herc had challenged.

"I'm an experienced bounty hunter. It's my job to know things. And also whatever job I'm hired to do."

He was shaken out of his memorys by a huge SMASH!, and then everything went black. When he woke up, he got out of his ship and looked around. He was in the middle of a junkyard, with his ship smashed beyond repair. He was stranded on Earth.

After setting up his temporary house, which was part of his black-market survival kit, he went inside and started scanning the area for typical gathering sites for humans his age. The largest site he found was an educational center called 'High School'. Education? Oh, well. Whatever it took to fit in and not seem alien. Now, to try and turn into a human. After concentrating for a few seconds, he found himself an average-sized teenage human with orange eyes, curly black hair, and a sky blue shirt. His shoes were red and dark blue, and his jeans were...well, the regular jean blue. While a bit average, he stood out just enough so as to not be suspicious. Tomorrow, he would start infiltration...and go to school.

He arrived at school at exactly ten minutes before the bell rang. He heard scuffling behind him, and saw a very ugly human stuffing a not-ugly-but-nerdy human into a locker. His occupation part didn't really care, but the rest of him thought this was extremely uneccesary bullying. He really didn't understand humans. He went over to the ugly human and spoke up.

"Hey, stop that!" He said. He immediatly regretted it. The ugly human turned out to be about 11 inches bigger than him all around.

"Why should I, loser?"

"The name's Herc Grikonian!" Herc said, trying to keep from running away in fear. Stupid instincts. He decided to just let his mercenary side trake over from here.

"Hah! Hey, everybody, look at the Greek Onion here! Haw haw!"

Herc found this human's mental skills equivelant to that off a Smashron's, but he wasn't about to tell the human this.

"Why do you bully people? It has no positive effect whatsoever."

"Yeah, it does. It's fun. Where are you from, anyway? I haven't taken your lunch money before."

"I'm...a really foreign exchange student."

"Oh, goody. I've never beaten any of those up before."

Just as the bully was getting ready to hit Herc, the bell rang.

"Saved by the bell, loser. Can't get detention again. But expect a date with the locker at lunch, loser. Haw haw!"

Herc almost shifted his arm into a plasma cannon and shot the bully right then and there. Instead, he helped the nerdy human out of the locker. Herc did a quick mental scan. Obviously a nerd, male, straight brown hair, round glasses, green baggy pants with lots of pockets, yellow shirt, blue backpack. Nothing too outstanding about him. Oh, and brown eyes.

"Hey, thanks for taking care of 'The Fox' back there." The human said.

"The Fox?" Herc asked.

"His real name is Larry Mutton, but everyone calls him 'The Fox'. It's kind of an ironic nickname. Anyways, we better get to class. I'll show you to the room. It's Herc, right? I'm Mark Yenkov. This your first day here?"

Herc nodded and followed Mark to the classroom.

In the classroom, Herc found an empty desk by the window and sat down. He looked at the desk next to him. Sitting at it was a female human wearing purple in varying shades. Her eyes were ice blue, a common mutation in humans of European descent. Her hair was ash blonde. Herc thought that she was pretty, for a human. The teacher came in and started speaking.

"Hello, class. Before we begin, I have been informed that we have a foreign exchange student that is going to be here for a while, Herc Grikonian. Herc, would you step up here please?"

Herc went up to the front of the class ans stood next to the teacher. Being able to see the whole class, he realized just how big this 'school' thing was.

"Now, Herc, could you tell the class where you are from?"

Herc thought of what he put in the school system computer.

"I'm from...Greece."

"Class, this is a rare oppourtunity to become familiar with someone from a different country, a different world."

Herc almost panicked before he realized the teacher was speaking metaphorically. After returning to his seat and enduring the rest of the classes till lunch, barely being able to hold back from blurting out what they were doing wrong. For instance, if they used the full number of Pi, and multiplied correctly, the awnsers would be different and actually correct. At lunch, he saw Mark and that girl from class sitting alone at a table. He went over with his lunch and sat down next to Mark.

"Why are you two all alone?" He asked.

"We're the rejects. Completely unpopular." Awnsered Mark.

"I don't exactly understand. You hum-er, Americans confuse me."

"Well, that's how it is here. Are things different in where you come from?"

"Oh, yeah. You have no idea."

"Oh, I don't think you've met Lisa yet. Lisa, Herc. Herc, Lisa."


"Hello." Said Lisa.

"So, what are these weird, long, tubular strands of recycled meat?"

"Oh, those are hot dogs. Do they have them in Greece?" Asked Mark


"Well, they're good with ketchup, the red stuff, but I prefer mustard, the yellow stuff."

"I might as well try it."

Herc put some mustard on his hot dog and took a bite. Suddenly, his mouth started filling with pain and his eyes started watering. He fell off his chair and started gagging.

"Now that's just melodramatic." Said Mark.

Herc got up and started glugging milk.

"You like this stuff?! Why would you like burning your mouth?! Oww!"

"Well, everyone has their own opinion, I guess."

As Herc was walking home, he heard a voice yell "Hey! Wait up!" He turned around and saw Mark and Lisa running up to him.

"What are you two doing?" He asked.

"We're walking home. We're headed in the same direction as you, so we figured we'd tag along. Where is your house, anyways?" Mark asked.

Herc pointed towards the dump.

"Your house is in the dump? Cool! We live just up the street!"

Just as they were turning the corner to their street, there was a loud screech and crash behind them. They turned around and saw a black widow-like alien smashing the road and cars. Herc almost fainted. An Arachnian was on the rampage! Those things were dangerous. Fast, strong, almost immpenetrable shell, poison control, microscopic eyesight, claws that can crush anything, they were a force to be reckoned with. There was no way the town would survive a rampage by one. Herc looked around to make sure that no one else was watching him. He made his descision in a mere matter of seconds, and morphed back to his normal form. He heard a scream and saw Lisa and Mark backing away.

"Guys, hold on! It's me! Herc!"

"You aren't from Greece, are you?" Asked Mark.

"Far from it. I'll explain after I squash the spider."

Herc rushed forward, turned his hands into flails, and swung at the Arachnian. It dodged and knocked him over.

"I remeber you." Said the Arachnian. "You're that kid Igneoux was talking with at the station."

"So, Igneoux is behind this, huh? Guess what. I hate Igneoux. And I hate spiders. So get ready, because I'm going to swat you flat!"

"And just how do you plan to do that?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe by doing THIS!"

Herc squirted a mustard packet he had saved from lunch into the Arachnian's mouth. While the Arachnian was busy with the burn, he morphed into a catapult, except with a flyswatter at the end. You can guess what happened, but for those of you with no imagination, Herc swatted the spider.

"So you're really an alien bounty hunter from space?" Said Mark. "That is awesome! It means they really do have have hot dogs in Greece!"

"Mercenary. I'm a mercenary."

"So, if you're a bounty hunter-" Said Lisa.


"Right, mercenary, what are you after?"

"Well, I'm looking for a valuable item called the Ultimatrix. It lets the user transform into any species, alien or otherwise. It can alos evolve those aliens, making them more powerful. It has a green hourglass symbol on it, the intergalactic peace symbol."

"Come to think of it, there have been a bunch of aliens showing up here wearing that symbol, but they seem to have disappeared lately." Said Mark.

"So it must be a human in this town. At any rate, two more things have become even higher in priority: Make a new ship so I can escape Earth, and clean up any crime in this town along the way."

"You know, Herc, for a mercenary, you're actually a good person inside." Said Lisa

"Yes, I know." Said Herc. "And it definitly is going to interfere with my job."

"Well, here on Earth, that's a good thing."

"You know," Said Mark. "You aliens seem to come Earth and send your tech here a lot."

"Yes, it's sort of a bad habit of ours."

As the wind blew along outside, you could hear laughter coming from the dump.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.