Evan Billion
Season 1, Episode 28
Brazilian Soccer Match
Air date N/A
Written by Blastor Efftank
Directed by Eitan Elfburger
Episode Guide
Brazilian Soccer Match is episode 28 of Evan Billion.


Evan, Kevin, Rocket, and Sharpoint were getting ready to play soccer on a tiny soccer field drawn with chalk.

(Evan): Man, I love Brazil. It's got great food and fun games. Like soccer.

(Kevin): You mean football.

(Evan): No, soccer.

(Kevin): Evan, soccer is called football in Brazil. If we're going to go to different countries, we have to learn their customs and such.

(Evan): What!?! That stinks. Football is football, and soccer is soccer. Calling soccer football just doesn't make any sense.

(Kevin): Don't be so ethnocentric. Not everyone has to agree with America. In fact, our country's outnumbered. Like in measurement systems. Now, let's play some football!

They divided into two teams: Evan and Sharpoint formed one team, opposed by Kevin and Rocket. Kevin blew a whistle, and Evan, Sharpoint, and Rocket all hurried to kick first. When they gathered at their court's center, they all crashed into each other and fell down. Kevin made a goal.

(Kevin): Heh heh, suckers.

Theme song!

Four men walked by and saw them playing football. They were all Brazilians, and looked very similar. One was wearing a red shirt and had a brown moustache, one was wearing a blue shirt and also had a brown moustache, one was wearing a purple shirt, and there was also one with an orange shirt. They all wore baggy black shorts, and their shirts were tucked in.

(Red-Shirted Brazilian): Olá, novos amigos. Nós estávamos andando por quando vimos que vocês tentam jogar futebol, mas falhando miseravelmente. Gostaria algumas dicas sobre como jogar melhor? (Translation: Hello, new friends. We were just walking by when we saw you guys attempting to play football, but failing miserably. Would you like some tips on how to play better?)

(Evan): Don't worry guys. I got this. I learned a bit of Portuguese from a friend. Sua mãe tem cheiro de um ferro-velho sujo. (Translation: Your mom smells like a dirty junkyard.)

(Red-Shirted Brazilian): Don't talk about my mom!

He ran up and kicked Evan, sending him flying.

(Kevin): Whoa! Can you teach me how to do that? My cousin can get a little annoying sometimes.

Evan walked back up to them.

(Red-Shirted Brazilian): We speak English, you know.

(Evan): Yeah, I see.

(Red-Shirted Brazilian): I'm Lucas Felix. My friends here are Matheus Vericiano, Arthur Caldas, and Luan Ortência.

Matheus was wearing a purple shirt, Arthur was wearing a blue shirt, and Luan was wearing an orange shirt.

(Kevin): Well, hello, Lucas and company. I'm Kevin. We just came to Brazil in a continuous search for my friend Ben Tennyson.

(Lucas): Is he missing?

(Kevin): No, I just want to find him so I can prove to Evan that he's real.

(Matheus): Ben Tennyson. Hmm. He sounds familiar. Oh, I remember now! Just a couple days ago, he was chasing an evil alien that was attacking my home. After he beat it, he told me that he was going-

Lucas shot out his hand and covered Matheus' mouth. Matheus pulled Lucas' hand down.

(Matheus): Why can't I speak?

(Lucas): Huddle in, guys.

Lucas, Matheus, Arthur, and Luan all huddled in. Sharpoint joined their huddle, but Lucas pushed him out. He got in again, but was pushed out again by Matheus. Sharpoint rejoined their huddle.

(Lucas): Gente, deixá-lo dentro. Ele não consegue entender Português. Agora, esses caras são terríveis no futebol, certo? (Translation: Guys, let him in. He can't understand Portuguese. Now, these guys are terrible at football, right?)

(Arthur): É. (Translation: Yeah.)

(Lucas): E eles querem saber onde Ben Tennyson é, certo? (Translation: And they want to know where Ben Tennyson is, right?)

(Luan): É.

(Lucas): E nós sabemos onde Ben Tennyson é, não? (Translation: And we know where Ben Tennyson is, no?)

(Matheus): É.

(Lucas): Então, vamos fazer uma pequena aposta de futebol com eles. Se eles vencerem, dizemos-lhes o que eles querem saber. Mas se ganharmos, eles se tornam nossos funcionários ...... PARA A VIDA! (Translation: Then let us make a little football bet with them. If they win, we tell them what they want to know. But if we win, they'll become our servants......FOR LIFE!)

(Arthur): Eu não sei. Isto parece um pouco injusto. (Translation: I don't know. This seems a little unfair.)

(Lucas): Belas. Nós podemos fazer isso ......... um jogo superpotência. (Translation is not provided.)

They broke their huddle. They and Sharpoint approached Evan, Rocket, and Kevin.

(Lucas): What would you guys say to a bet?

(Kevin): What kind of bet?

(Lucas): A 4-on-4 football game. If you win, we'll tell you where Ben is. But if we win, you become our eternal servants.

(Evan): Seems pretty fair to me.

(Lucas, smiling evilly): But here's where it gets a tiny bit unfair. For us, of course. This will be a Superpower Match. In a Superpower Match, players can use any powers that they have. But only after every two points scored, not counting points scored in superpower rounds. What do you say?

(Evan): But all of my team will have superpowers. And you won't. So wouldn't we serve you? Badly?

(Lucas): Oh, it'll be just fine. A-hahahahaha. A-hahahahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAA-

(Evan): What's so funny?

(Lucas): Oh, uh, I was just thinking about...toilet paper. Yeah, toilet paper. T.P. It's always funny. Hahahaha. See, we're all laughing now.

Lucas solely laughed.

(Lucas): I said LAUGH!

They all laughed awkwardly.

(Lucas): Yep, funny. So anyway, meet us at Mineirão at 8.

Lucas, Luan, Matheus, and Arthur left.

Commercial break.

Evan, Kevin, Rocket, and Sharpoint arrived at Mineirão. Evan wore a referee's shirt with red shorts. Kevin wore a lime green tracksuit with a matching headband. Rocket wore a referee's shirt with blue shorts. Sharpoint wore a yellow visor. Lucas, Arthur, Luan, and Matheus approached their competition, wearing their outfits that they wore earlier.

(Luan, sarcastically): Wow, you guys sure know how to dress.

(Evan): Oh yeah? Well, you're clothes!

(Arthur): Gee, I wonder why.

(Lucas): A crowd should be arriving soon.

A little bit later, people started pouring into Mineirão. An announcer started talking on a microphone.

(Announcer): Bem-vindo, todos, para este jogo de ultra superpotência futebol! (Translation: Welcome, everybody, to this ultra superpower football match!)

(Lucas): Hum, locutor? É só jogo de superpotência. (Translation: Um, announcer? It's just Superpower Match.)

(Announcer): O que ele disse! Este jogo vai ser Alienação, um grupo de quatro visitantes norte-americanos, contra superstars favorito de todos, AMLL! Neste jogo, a cada terceiro ponto pode ser marcado por utilizar quaisquer superpoderes que os jogadores têm. Desta forma, será muito mais divertido de assistir. Além disso, no início de cada rodada, um jogador de cada time vai intensificar ao centro do Mineirão. Agora, os jogadores, tome suas posições! (Translation: What he said! This match will be Alienation, a group of four American visitors, versus everyone's favorite superstars, AMLL! In this game, every third point can be scored by using any superpowers that players have. This way, it will be much more fun to watch. Also, at each round's beginning, a player from each team will step up to Mineirão's center. Now, players, take your positions!)

Evan and Lucas stepped up near each other, while Rocket and Kevin stayed behind Evan, and Luan and Arthur stayed behind Lucas. Sharpoint and Matheus were goalies.

(Announcer): Três, dois, um, jogar! (Translation: Three, two, one, play!)

Evan stuck his leg back and swung it around. He swung it forward and tried to kick a ball, but he missed and fell down. Lucas easily kicked it and scored a point.

(Announcer): Um ponto para AMLL! (Translation: One point for AMLL!)

Kevin and Luan now stepped up. Kevin kicked, and ended up sending his target high up. It landed near Luan, who kicked it to a running Lucas. Lucas made a goal.

(Announcer): Outro ponto para AMLL! Vamos agora entrar no nosso primeiro jogo superpotência, onde os jogadores podem usar seus poderes. (Translation: Another point for AMLL! We now enter our first superpower match, where players can use their powers.)

(Evan): This is gonna be a piece of cake! We have powers, and they don't!

(Arthur): Think again, perdedor.

Arthur and Rocket were up this time. Arthur kicked to Lucas, who shot back his leg. It glowed in green energy, and Alienation was astonished.

(Evan): Woah!

(Kevin): What is he doing?

Lucas kicked his target extremely high, and it also glowed in green energy. It landed near Sharpoint, where it bounced and scored a point, knocking him down.

(Evan): How'd you do that?

(Lucas): I have a power to charge myself with energy. My friends have powers, too.

(Kevin): How'd you get these powers?

(Lucas): Typical way to get superpowers. We fell into a vat of toxic waste.

(Evan): Well, with both sides bearing powers, this game should be a lot more interesting. Let's get to round 4, shall we?

Evan and Lucas stepped up.

(Evan): You wanna score a point? You wanna score a point? Well, you can't! I won't let you. And you can't use your powers to stop me. You just, just can't. So don't try. If you try, then that's cheating. Don't cheat. Cheating is-

Luan was now facing Evan while Lucas stayed back.

(Lucas): Dude, I just made a goal a minute ago.

Kevin was behind Evan, waiting for him to step back.

(Evan, continuing): .....wrong. Cheating is so wrong, that-

Kevin pulled Evan behind him. Meanwhile, Luan made a goal.

(Announcer): Nossa pontuação é 5-0! Pode Alienação manter-se? Vamos ver com esta próxima superpotência round! (Translation: Our score is 5 to 0! Can Alienation keep up? Let's see with this next superpower round!)

Arthur laid his hand on Rocket, who slowly became coated in ice. He eventually froze.

(Evan): Hey! What did you do to my pet?

(Arthur): Ice touch. I can ice things just by touching them. But your dog is half-Polymorph, right?

(Evan): Yeah.

(Arthur): Well, his acid should melt through my ice. But meanwhile......

Arthur kicked and almost made a goal, but Kevin intercepted with his foot. Evan transformed.

(Evan): Sportacus! Let's get this on!

Evan flew and kicked across Mineirão. Luan caught on fire and flew up. He kicked back down into Mineirão. Kevin slid Rocket, still frozen, across Mineirão. He kept pushing Rocket, until Rocket slid by himself. Kevin then jumped onto Rocket and rode him like a bobsled. Lucas, Arthur, and Luan were all trying to make goals, but Kevin absorbed ice and created three lightning bolt-shaped ice weapons. He threw them at Lucas, Arthur, and Luan. They knocked Lucas and Arthur down, but Luan became fire melted his ice. Kevin stuck his foot down and used it to propel himself forward. He then jumped off, and Rocket crashed into Luan. Evan flew up and shot an explosive ball at his target, sending it up near Evan. Evan kicked it, but Matheus grew and grew and grew a lot bigger. He blocked with his chest. Evan flew into Matheus and punched him.

(Matheus): Gyah!

In pain, Matheus kneeled down, uncovering some goal for Evan to kick into. Kevin passed to Evan, and he kicked and made a goal.

(Announcer): Alienação finalmente faz um ponto! Mas AMLL ainda está 4 pontos à frente! (Translation: Alienation finally makes a point! But AMLL is still 4 points ahead!)

A scoreboard is shown, 5-1. After two quarters had passed, AMLL was shown to have 31 points, and Alienation was shown to be close behind, with 28.

(Announcer): Com metade deste jogo foi, nossas duas equipes prepare-se para um pouco mais de ação! (Translation: With half of this game gone, our two teams get ready for some more action!)

There was a lot of cheering.

(Announcer): Thrills! (Translation: Thrills!)

More cheering occured.

(Announcer): E grandiosidade simples! (Translation: And plain awesomeness!)

Even more cheering happened. Evan, now facing Arthur, was kicking back and forth to himself.

(Evan): You know, I've become a lot more confident in myself. You know how confident I've become?

(Arthur): How?

(Evan): This confident!

Evan kicked his target under Arthur's legs, and reached halfway to Matheus. Evan dashed to it and kicked again, making a goal. Kevin and Lucas stepped up. Lucas kicked, but Rocket intercepted it and passed it to a running Evan, who passed it to a running Kevin, who passed it to a running Rocket. Luan tried to intercept, but Rocket passed it to Evan, who made a goal past a distracted Matheus. Rocket and Luan stepped up. Luan created a dome of fire around Rocket, and passed to Arthur, who ran near Sharpoint. Arthur stepped forward a little bit, but Sharpoint created a tiny diamond in front of Arthur's foot, and he tripped. Kevin stole and started running. Lucas and Luan got in front of him.

(Evan): Pass it to me!

Evan became Feet Balled and flew upwards. Kevin passed to Evan, and Evan kicked forwards.

(Evan): I'll show you guys a real football!

Evan zoomed to Matheus goal and speedily made a point.

(Announcer): Nossa marcador está empatado, 31-31! (Translation: Our score is now tied, 31 to 31!)

Evan reverted. Time passes to when quarter 4 is about to begin. Alienation had 62 points, and AMLL had 58.

(Announcer): Com uma pontuação perto, começamos o nosso quarto e último trimestre! (Translation: With a close score, we begin our fourth and final quarter!)

(Lucas): Espere um momento. Eu quero falar com a minha equipe. (Translation: Hold on a moment. I wanna talk to my team.)

AMLL huddled up.

(Lucas): Temos subestimado esses caras. Muito. Se queremos que os funcionários, nós vamos ter que melhorar o nosso jogo. (Translation: We've underestimated these guys. A lot. If we want servants, we're going to have to improve our game.)

(Matheus): E como é que vamos lidar com isso com um quarto esquerdo? (Translation: And just how are we supposed to manage that with one quarter left?)

(Lucas): Com uma impressionante super mega Transformação de Energia. (Translation is not provided here.)

(Arthur): Mas Lucas, esses caras nunca experimentou a nossa habilidade de futebol ou os nossos poderes antes de hoje. Eu acho que isso é meio dura. (Translation: But Lucas, these guys have never experienced our soccer skill or our powers before today. I think that's kinda harsh.)

(Lucas): De que outra forma é que vamos ganhar? (Translation: How else will we ever win?)

(Arthur): Eu poderia ligar para a minha avó, que trabalha em uma fábrica de chocolate e tê-la despejar um monte de fudge no Mineirão. (Translation: I could call my grandma that works at a chocolate factory and have her dump a bunch of fudge in Mineirão.)

(Lucas): Arthur, como isso nos ajudar de qualquer maneira em tudo? (Translation: Arthur, how would that help us in any way at all?)

(Arthur): Eu não sei. Eu só gosto de fudge. (Translation: I don't know. I just like fudge.)

(Lucas): Belas. Vamos tentar do seu jeito. Mas, se isso não funcionar, vamos mudar para o Plano B. (Translation: Fine. We'll try it your way. But if that doesn't work, we switch to Plan B.)

Arthur called his grandma.

(Arthur): Vovó? Precisamos de fudge. (Translation: Grandma? We need fudge.)

Arthur hung up, and Lucas gave a thumbs up to their announcer, signifying that AMLL was ready to continue playing.

(Announcer): Agora vamos chutar trimestre 4 off! Haha, trocadilhos futebol. (Translation: Now let us kick quarter 4 off! Haha, football puns.)

A yellow line that resembled electricity stretched across and created two individual screens. Both screens displayed Mineirão, in different rounds. Evan and Kevin both scored a point in a screen half. Afterwards, a giant blimp floated above Mineirão.

(Announcer): O que é isso? (Translation: What is THAT?)

Its bottom opened up, and a bunch of liquid fudge poured down.

(Rocket): Ye!

Rocket stretched up his neck and stretched his mouth open really wide. All fudge that was dumped got eaten by Rocket.

(Evan): Rocket, what have I taught you about sharing?

(Arthur): Yeah! I was gonna save some of that for a victory snack.

(Evan): You're not going to get a victory after we defeat you!

Rocket was facing Lucas in a superpower round. Lucas ran back near Luan, Arthur, and Matheus.

(Evan): What's wrong? Scared you're gonna lose?

(Lucas): No, but you should be!

AMLL all started glowing. Green energy coated all of them, and yellow mist surrounded them.

(AMLL): Transformação de mega energia Super awesome! (Translation: SUPER AWESOME MEGA ENERGY TRANSFORMATION!)

A mini-tremor happened, but nothing was affected, except AMLL. They were all rapidly shaking. They started growing. When they finished, they were all double their original sizes. Lucas was glowing green, Arthur was glowing blue, Luan was glowing red, and Matheus was glowing purple.

Commercial break.

(Lucas): It's time for you to see our light!

Lucas pointed to Sharpoint, and a giant energy hand with a hole in it came up and grabbed Sharpoint. Lucas kicked, charging what he kicked with green energy, and made a goal through his hand's hole.

(Announcer): EXCELENTE! AMAZING! ESTUPENDO! OUTRAS PALAVRAS três sílabas que são sinônimos para o bem! Como AMLL entra seus estados mais poderosos, Lucas faz um gol de sua própria rede! (Translation: OUTSTANDING! AMAZING! STUPENDOUS! OTHER THREE-SYLLABLE WORDS THAT ARE SYNONYMS FOR GOOD! As AMLL enters their most powerful states, Lucas makes a goal from his own net!)

(Evan): You can't be serious!

(Lucas): Oh, we are.

(Kevin): Well, this superpower round is over, so turn back.

(Lucas): Yeah, about that......Once we enter these states, we can't change back for another hour.

(Kevin): But that's cheating.

(Evan): It's okay, Kevin. It doesn't matter if they become as big as Mineirão itself! We can still take 'em. Can't we, guys?

Rocket and Sharpoint were trembling in fear.

(Evan): Oh, stop trembling. Kevin, step up.

Kevin faced Luan. Luan easily made a goal without leaving where he was standing. Arthur did similarly against Evan.

(Evan): Okay guys, AMLL may be freakishly huge, but it's a superpower round now. So we can fight them.

Lucas tried to kick, but Rocket stretched around him, tied him up, and restrained him. Arthur pulled Rocket off, and froze him. Lucas kicked, sending his target flying extremely fast towards Sharpoint. Evan and Kevin tried to stop it, but they were too slow. It slammed into Sharpoint and made a goal. Sharpoint collapsed, injured. Evan, Kevin, and an unfrozen Rocket ran to him.

(Evan): Sharpoint, can you hear me?

We now see through Sharpoint's eyes. Sharpoint saw Evan with double vision.

(Evan, out of Sharpoint's eyes): Sharpoint, can you still play?

Sharpoint shook his head, and limped over to a bench and sat down.

(Evan): No problem. I'll just make a Glider clone to be our goalie.

(Lucas): But this isn't a superpower round. So no powers.

(Evan): But we need a goalie! If you guys get to keep your energy states, we should at least be able to replace ourselves.

(Lucas): Nope. Sorry.

Evan groaned as Kevin stepped up against Luan. Luan kicked, and Kevin tripped over Luan's target. Kevin stopped his fall by standing on Luan's target, but he couldn't balance. Kevin fell down hard, and his foot sent Luan's target into his goal, scoring a point for AMLL.

(Evan): KEVIN!

(Kevin): Go on without me.

(Evan): But-

(Kevin): You're wasting time. Go on.

Kevin limped over to Sharpoint and sat next to him. Arthur kicked his target and tried to score a point. Rocket tried to block it, but it knocked Rocket onto his back and made skid marks on his tummy. Arthur scored a point. Rocket limped and sat next to Kevin and Sharpoint.

(Announcer): Com um placar empatado, 64-64, a 7 minutos do fim, Evan é deixado sozinho contra um time de 4 em uma rodada superpotência! (Translation: With a tied score, 64 to 64, and 7 minutes left, Evan is left alone against a team of 4 in a superpower round!)

(Lucas): Well, Evan, looks like you're alone, 1 to 4. I'll give you two options. Either decide that you we're too strong for you, or stand up against us and lose very badly. Your choice. But either way, you and your friends will become our servants.

(Evan): We'll never be your servants! We've come a long way to find Ben. Not just today, but for a long time. And if you want to stand in our way, then so be it. But I'll never give up! You can injure my body, but you'll never injure my fighting spirit! A spirit that will live inside me until my date of death! Now my friends and I may be in a bad position, but after this game, you'll be in a much worse position! Now, let's tango!

Evan transformed.

(Evan): GLIDER!

Evan cloned three times. One of his clones became Feet Balled, one became Humanimate, and one became Green Thumb.

(Arthur): Freeze, sucker!

Arthur stepped up to Glider and shot freezing gas, but Glider countered by blasting Arthur's gas. Meanwhile, Feet Balled, Humanimate, and Green Thumb flew off, with Humanimate and Green Thumb passing back and forth to each other. Luan caught on fire, and flew in front of Humanimate.

(Luan): Going somewhere?

(Humanimate): No, but you are!

Humanimate passed to Green Thumb, and he and Feet Balled continued flying. Luan threw a bunch of fireballs at Humanimate, but Humanimate navigated around them and entangled Luan with his muscles. Humanimate threw Luan down, but Luan flew back up and shot a bunch of fire upwards at Humanimate. Humanimate dodged it, and Luan's fire ended up propelling him downwards until he crashed. Green Thumb, who was juggling his target with his feet, encountered Lucas, levitating up on an energy platform. Lucas extended his energy platform so that Green Thumb was standing on it.

(Green Thumb): Feet Balled, come on!

Green Thumb ran forwards and tried to pass to Feet Balled, but Lucas made four energy walls sprout from his platform and trap Green Thumb inside, separating him from his target. Feet Balled zoomed and took it, then continued towards Matheus. Green Thumb shapeshifted into a ghost and escaped with intangibility. He then shapeshifted into an electric octopus and shot lightning at Lucas. Lucas created an energy shield, but Green Thumb pushed it down, crushing Lucas. Feet Balled flew to Matheus, who grew larger and larger and larger, then eventually became made of stone. Feet Balled flew away.

(Matheus): What, giving up?

(Feet Balled): Not even close.

Feet Balled flew in a circle. He gained speed each time he completed one time around, and eventually caught on fire. When he thought he was going fast enough, he returned flying towards Matheus at extreme speeds.


He flew into Matheus' chest. Matheus started cracking. A spherical burst of white light emerged, breaking Matheus apart. It expanded, coating all of Mineirão in its light. Everything started cracking as everyone evacuated, except Evan and Matheus. Then, a point was scored.




  • Lucas Felix
  • Matheus Vericiano
  • Arthur Caldas
  • Luan Ortência

Aliens Used

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