|WARNING: PROFANITY FOLLOWS|
|The following content contains profanity that may not be suitable for readers of all ages. Please proceed with caution.|
|Ben 10: Stupidity Force: End Of Omnivangelion: Future|
|Season 1, Episode 6|
The Ben Tennyson Experience
Ben 10 vs. The CEO of Racism is the sixth episode of Ben 10: Stupidity Force: End Of Omnivangelion: Future.
Crazy Ben ends racism once and for all.
Ben was laying on the mattress on his phone, holding it in the air, while Muslim Ben was playing a video game. Crazy Ben and Eggy were watching a video on the laptop. Ben, sweating, wiped his brow with his arm.
(Ben): Man, it is hot today. CBT, can you go get us some smoothies?
(Crazy Ben): Can’t u just teleport some smoothies in with an alien or some shit
Ben stretched his arm lazily, trying to reach his Omnitrix on his other arm.
(Ben): I can’t... I can’t reach my Omnitrix...
(Muslim Ben): (sigh) Ben’s trying to say it’d be nice if you went out and got us some smoothies.
(Crazy Ben): ok
Crazy Ben paused the video and got up on his feet.
(Crazy Ben): Eggy u coming?
(Ben): Dude, don’t take Eggy with you. I don’t want animal control finding out I have an Angry Bird pet. I’m pretty sure that’s like, illegal.
(Eggy): (sadly) Bakwak.
(Crazy Ben): Ugh FINE MOM
Crazy Ben transformed into BenBen, going out to buy the guys some smoothies.
Cut to Crazy Ben as Ben Prime leaving Mr. Smoothies with a bag of Smoothies in his hand. On his way from the register, he passed by a poster on the wall of the store. Lowering his shaded glasses, he took a look at the poster.
(Crazy Ben/BenBen): (reading) "Mr. Smoothy says... racism is NOT Smooth. Take a stand against racism today!"
Crazy Ben contemplated the deep message of the poster, stroking his chin.
(Crazy Ben/BenBen): Huh. You're right Mr. Smoothy. We DO need to take a stand against racism.
Crazy Ben took a look around the store.
(Crazy Ben/BenBen): Wait... I know what to do!
BenBen brought up his Omnitrix and selected the hologram of a certain buff alien with a hat on. Pushing down on his Omnitrix plate, he transformed.
(Crazy Ben/Hat Alien X): HAT ALIEN X!
Hat Alien X spread his arms to the side, as a massive white wave of energy shot out from his chest in all directions.
Crazy Ben came back into the apartment, with the bag of Smoothies in his arms and a big smile on his face.
(Crazy Ben): Here you go fellas. A beef-sprinkles smoothy for you Ben, a maqluba smoothy for you, Abu-Spanner, and a bacon smoothy for you Eggy!
Crazy Ben handed everyone their smoothies.
(Muslim Ben): Thanks, CBT.
(Ben): Thanks, man. (noticing smile) What are you so happy about?
(Crazy Ben): Oh, nothing lmao. I may have just solved an issue that has plagued human society since its very beginning.
Ben and Muslim Ben looked at Crazy Ben in a confused expression.
(Ben): What do you mean by that?
(Crazy Ben): (giddy) I stopped racism, Ben!
(Ben): You what? How-how specifically, did you stop racism, CBT?
(Crazy Ben): You’ll see Ben! I ended it for good this time! Racism is no more!
(Ben): CBT, what did you do?
Suddenly, Ben’s phone began ringing. Ben picked it up, and looked at the caller.
(Ben): (confused) Alan Albright? Huh?
(Crazy Ben): Come on, answer him!
Confused, Ben answered the phone.
(Ben): Hey, Alan, what’s up?
(Alan): (through phone) Ben, did-did you see what just happened? What the hell is going on? They’re saying y-you have something to do with all this! That you used Alien X to do it!
(Ben): I-I think I’m out of the loop here. What happened, Alan?
(Alan): (through phone) I... I turned white, Ben! I-I-I’m white!
Ben gave Crazy Ben an angry look, who seemed proud of his plan.
(Ben): What? Alan-Alan, don’t worry, that wasn’t actually me. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Let me call you back, okay?
(Alan): (through phone) Just do it quick, okay? I’m feeling an... uncomfortable need to go hiking...
Ben hung up the phone, to see multiple calls coming in, from Jonesy, Julie, and Kai.
(Ben): What the hell, CBT? What the hell did you do?
(Muslim Ben): Check the TV, Ben, quick.
Ben ghosted their calls as he turned on the TV, and began flipping through the channels. Ben, Muslim Ben, and Eggy looked in shock.
(Eggy): Bak... ak.
(Ben): Jesus fucking Christ.
(Muslim Ben): Allah yerhamo.
(Ben): CBT, did you just turn EVERYONE on Earth white?
(Crazy Ben): Yep! I solved racism!
(Ben): This isn’t solving racism! Why-why-why would you do this, dude?
(Crazy Ben): Idk man if everyone’s white no one can be racist so you know...
(Ben): You-you can’t just do that! You can’t just fucking turn everyone on Earth white! This is literally the worst timing for this shit! What the fuck man?
(Crazy Ben): Why not?
(Ben): B-Because you can’t just whitewash the entire world, dude! There are like... colonialist and ethno-nationalist implications! Erased cultures and personal identities! You can’t fucking do that man!
(Crazy Ben): (calmly) Dude, listen, I ended racism. There aren’t going to be anymore racists and Nazis and whatever now they don’t have anything to be racist about, they can’t hate their own race! Just wait until they find out which race accounts for both 100% of the population and 100% of the crime rate now!
(Ben): (stuttering) Uh-You- First-first of all, you can’t, um, say that- crime come from economic reasons, n-not your race, and- second, that’s not how it works! You didn’t end racism, there are still cultural differences and different countries... Christ, dude!
(Crazy Ben): Woah, I said I ended racism, not nationalism and sexism and whatever. If you want I can...
Crazy Ben hovered his hand over the Omnitrix. Ben grabbed his hand to the side.
(Ben): NO, no, no, you-you’ve done enough, CBT. Alright, let’s just undo this.
(Crazy Ben): (sigh) Alright, I guess you’re right.
Ben selected Alien X and hovered his hand over his Omnitrix, pausing as he suddenly heard God’s Plan by Drake blasting outside his apartment.
The Bens looked out of the window, to see a motorcycle group dressed in all black approach his house, music blaring from the speakers on their vehicles.
Seeing them park, Ben turned to the rest of the group.
(Ben): Who the hell?
A sudden kick teared down the door, revealing a very tall alien dressed in a business suit and a motorcycle helmet, surrounded by some Lewodan servants in business suits.
(Mystery Man): Grab this for me.
Taking off his motorcycle helmet, the business suited alien chucked it to the side at a servant, which hit him straight in the gut. The servant curled up and groaned in pain.
(Servant): Of... (groans) course...
(Mystery Man): Thanks, buddy.
The Mystery Man was revealed to be a Citrakayah, with stylized hair and a furry beard, and eyes that seemed to be full of stars. Looking around Ben’s apartment, he clicked his tongue in disapproval, as he pulled out his phone to make sure the place matched the description.
(Mystery Man): Sup, fuckers. I’m looking for a... (looks at phone) Mr. Ben Tenaisone?
(Ben): Ben Tennyson. That-that would be me. Sorry, but uh, is-is your, uh, friend okay?
Ben pointed at the Servant groaning from the helmet hit.
(Mystery Man): Him? Oh he’s gonna be fine, he’s just an intern. Anyway, Mr. Tennyson, you’re under arrest.
(Ben): Me? For what? Who the hell are you?
(Mystery Man): Who am I? I’m the CEO of Racism Inc., asswipe!
(Ben): CEO of Racism? That’s real? What the fuck?
(CEO of Racism): Of course it’s fucking real. Never heard of Racism, Inc.? Consistently performing high value stocks at NASDAQ, Dow Jones- nothing?
(Ben): No, I don’t think so.
(CEO of Racism): Uneducated little... (sigh) Whatever, listen, man, you’re under arrest.
(Ben): Can you, uh, just- what am I being arrested for, exactly?
The CEO of Racism looked up a video on his phone, and showed it to Ben.
(CEO of Racism): Well, see here, you um-you turned everyone white. They’re calling it the Whitewash or some shit.
The CEO of Racism showed Ben a video of CBT transforming into Hat Alien X, and creating a ripple of energy across the room, turning most of the people at the store white.
(CEO of Racism): A white guy, transforming into a black guy to turn all humans white? Sheesh. Problematic, my man. Props for pulling that off, but that’s called undermining. You’re coming with me.
(Ben): Hey, that wasn’t me, dude, that was CBT, he- you can see him, right?
The CEO of Racism gave Crazy Ben a condescending look.
(CEO of Racism): Unfortunately.
(Ben): So, yeah, just for the record, that was him, alright? He’s-he’s just a dumbass, okay? He’s well meaning but a bit-um, very, impulsive. He didn’t think this thing through, he’s not the brightest sometimes. We were just about to undo everything when you showed up. You don’t need to arrest anyone, just let me undo the whole thing, and you can be back to your very important job as, um, CEO of Racism.
(CEO of Racism): Look, kiddo, I’ve got a warrant for a Mr. Ben Tennyson here, I’m going to arrest a Mr. Ben Tennyson.
Ben hovered his hand over his Omnitrix again, backed by Muslim Ben and Crazy Ben, who raised their hands as well, while Eggy gave an angry stare.
(Ben): I’m not letting you take any one of us.
The CEO of Racism sighed and shaked his head.
(CEO of Racism): I don’t think you really understand how things work in this business, duderino.
The CEO of Racism snapped his fingers, causing a cage to appear around Ben, locking him in chains inside.
(Ben): What the hell?
(Crazy Ben): You’re not getting away with this!
Crazy Ben opened up a hologram of Alien X on his Omnitrix.
(CEO of Racism): And just to be safe...
The CEO snapped his fingers again, as the Alien X holograms on both Ben’s Omnitrixes disappeared. The Omnitrix began rapidly switching through holograms, disappearing one after the other.
(CEO of Racism): I’ve removed your Celestialsapien samples from your watches, along with any other aliens that could be misconstrued as... problematic. Have a nice day.
The CEO of Racism’s servants grabbed Ben’s cage, and began carrying him outside of the apartment.
(Ben): CBT! Abu-Spanner! Eggy! Help!
(Crazy Ben): Ill save u bro!
Crazy Ben hovered his hand over the Omnitrix, and was stopped by Muslim Ben.
(Muslim Ben): Wait. I think this CEO is part Celestialsapien. I don’t think we can beat him in a fight. Not without most of our aliens.
The two alters looked outside as the motorcycles grabbed the cage and teleported up into space. Through the door, rushed in a huffing and puffing Max Tennyson.
(Max): Ben, what the hell happened? This chick I was with changed colors while we were doing it! I thought I was having sex with Michael Jackson again!
Max looked around, only seeing Muslim and Crazy Ben.
(Max): Wait, where’s my Ben? Who are you two?
(Muslim Ben): You can see us?
(Max): I guess? Who are you guys?
(Crazy Ben): Trust me, I’ve given up on understanding how it works as well lmao
(Muslim Ben): We’re his alternate reality counterparts, it’s complicated. But we need your help. Ben’s been arrested!
(Max): Arrested? For what?
(Crazy Ben): I turned everyone white with Alien X. They blamed it on him, I didn’t know-
(Muslim Ben): CBT, don't blame yourself, you couldn’t have known. The CEO of Racism, he took Ben, and erased our samples of Alien X. Without Alien X... we can’t even fix this mess.
(Max): The CEO of Racism... dammit...
(Muslim Ben): You-you know him?
(Max): Not personally... but I know someone who might be able to help you guys.
(Crazy Ben): Whomst?
(Max): (sigh) The Sex King. He’ll tell you everything you need to know.
(Muslim Ben, Crazy Ben): The Sex King?
(Max): Yes, I believe you should remember him. I did an undercover operation for him years ago, for which he should still be in my debt. He owes me one final favor... but I believe this situation calls for it.
(Muslim Ben): Alright, where do we find this Sex King?
(Max): On... the Sex Planet...
(Crazy Ben): The Sex Planet?
(Max): Nah, I’m just messing with you. He’s from... Essex, Britain.
(Muslim Ben): (sigh) Of course.
(Crazy Ben): Alright, let’s gogogogogo! (transform) PIE GUY!
Pie Guy threw a pie on the ground, opening a pie portal in the floor, causing Muslim Ben, and Eggy to fall in, before Pie Guy jumped in as well. Max somehow didn’t fall in, as he looked down into the pie portal.
(Max): (shrug) Okay.
Muslim Ben, Eggy, and Pie Guy fell on their faces in a hallway of a seemingly abandoned castle. Muslim Ben got to his feet.
(Muslim Ben): CBT, we really need to work on your impulsiveness.
(Crazy Ben/Pie Guy): I got us here, didn’t I?
(Muslim Ben): Yes, but- just think things through a bit before you do anything okay? Or just ask us. I know you mean well, but, y’know.
(Crazy Ben/Pie Guy): (sigh) Fine. (reverts)
(Muslim Ben): Come on, let’s try and find this Sex King. Let’s start walking around and see if we find anyone.
The two Bens began walking towards one of the doors.
(Muslim Ben): Nice that we still have Pie Guy, at least.
(Crazy Ben): Pie is a multicultural wonder.
(Muslim Ben): True. We should see what aliens we do have left here. Maybe we can solve this right now.
Muslim Ben and Crazy Ben scrolled through their aliens.
(Muslim Ben): Well, Clockwork’s gone. Insensitive to Mayan culture, I’m assuming.
(Crazy Ben): No Omniverse Rath either, not surprising. No Viking Forms. No Moustachio. What, Italians?
(Muslim Ben): (shrugs) Probably.
(Crazy Ben): Ooh, I have this guy!
Crazy Ben slammed down his Omnitrix plate to a hologram of a white Vulpimancer.
(Crazy Ben/Wildnutt): (growling and blurbling) Wuirldnuirtt!
(Muslim Ben): White Wildmutt?
(Crazy Ben/Wildnutt): (growling and blurbling) Yeah, Wildnutt. I control cashew paste now.
(Eggy): (sniffs Wildnutt) (disgusted) BagWAK
(Muslim Ben): (sniffs) Are you sure that’s cashew paste? That does not smell like cashew paste.
(Sex Guard): Halt! In the name of the Sex King!
(Muslim Ben): Oh, snap.
The two walked into the throne room, where they saw a few human guards in purple armor armed with swords, sporting a sex symbol on their armor.
(Crazy Ben/Wildnutt): (blurbling) We’re just loorking for the Sex King.
(Sex Guard): Guards! Show them the way out.
The Sex Guards charged at Wildnutt. Wildnutt let out a stream of cashew paste from his mouth, trapping the guards in sticky nut Paste.
A few guards managed to sidestep the paste, and rushed towards Muslim Ben and Eggy.
(Muslim Ben): (transform) ECHO ECHO!
Echo Echo sent duplicates of himself forward to blast away the guards, as Wildnutt leaped between the walls to cover the guards in paste. Eggy jumped around, shooting out egg bombs at the guards.
(Sex Guard): (covered in paste) What is this foul broth?
(Crazy Ben/Wildnutt): (blurbling) It’s nut cream, it’s nut cream!
Suddenly, a voice boomed from a nearby room.
(Voice): WHO DARES INTRUDE UPON MY HOME OF SEXUALS?
Into the throne room stepped in a massive pink-skinned Chimera Sui Generis, wearing purple armor with a sex symbol on his chest. The Sex Guards stopped fighting the Bens and bowed down to their king.
(Sex Guards): Your highness!
(Crazy Ben/Wildnutt): The Sex King...
(The Sex King): You three. Give me one good reason why I should not throw you to the Sex Dungeon right this instant.
Echo Echo recalled his clones back to him, and reverted, along with Wildnutt.
(Muslim Ben): Sorry for, um, fighting your guards, Sex King, but we need your help.
(The Sex King): BEN TENNYSON?
(Muslim Ben): No, um, we’re his alternate personalities. It’s complicated. My name is Abu-Spanner, and this is CBT. He’s the one you remember from your previous encounter.
(The Sex King): The self-titled “Sex King”. What do you want, charlatan?
(Muslim Ben): Max- (sigh) The Sex Lord requests your assistance. He wants to cash in his final favor from you.
(The Sex King): Alas, I am still within the Sex Lord’s debt. I shall assist you for his sake. Guards, release them.
The guards moved aside, letting the Bens and Eggy pass towards the Sex King.
(The Sex King): What is your request?
(Muslim Ben): The real Ben Tennyson, he was arrested by the CEO of Racism. Max told us you used to know him. We need him to free Ben and return the Earth to normal.
(The Sex King): The CEO of Racism... it’s been years since I heard that name. I’m guessing he arrested Ben for his little Whitewash today. I’ve seen the video. Sedab would never let such shameless undermining slip past him.
(Muslim Ben): Sedab? Is that his name?
(The Sex King): Yes, we used to be close. Come along, you three, and I shall give you the sexposition.
(Crazy Ben): Where r we going lole
(The Sex King): The teleporter room. I’ll take you to Sedab, but first, allow me to explain our history.
The Sex King began walking down the corridor.
(The Sex King): Me and Sedab, we were part of an ancient order, called the Kings of BAD.
(Muslim Ben): Kings of BAD? Is that an acronym?
(The Sex King): Yes, it is an acronym, standing for Bad And Dumb. For years we have ruled Earth’s society from the shadows, perpetuating all that is Bad And Dumb. Racism, Ableism, Homophobia, it was all under our command. I used to be the Sexism King, and I spread misogyny and misandry across the Earth as I pleased.
The Sex King paused dramatically.
(The Sex King): But, alas, a communal monarchy based on perpetuation of evil was not economically sustainable, long-term. We went into a severe economic crisis. The Capitalism King devised a long-term economic plan for the order, privatizing it, which the Order democratically agreed on. And so, to my dismay, the BAD Kings became the CEOs of BAD.
The foursome entered the teleporter room, where a pink circle was found on the floor.
(The Sex King): I refused to join their absurd privatization efforts. Sexism is not a commodity you can simply sell and buy like bread! But the others, they did not take kindly to it, and they demoted me and nullified my powers, leaving me nothing more than a Sex King. The Sex King! Can you believe that? All I can do is terrorize asexuals and nuns!
(Muslim Ben): Yeah, that sounds... awful. Who would be scared of premarital sex? Pfft. Not me.
(The Sex King): So, I shall help you in your quest against Sedab, who worked hand in hand with that accursed Capitalism King. Sex Workers! Prepare the teleporter.
A few workers in Sex Castle garb walked into the teleporter room, and began setting it up.
(Crazy Ben): Sex workers? I thought you were against crapitalism?
(The Sex King): (chuckles) Oh no, I’m against a full free market economy for multiple reasons, but I do support a healthy balance between socialism and capitalism. These Sex Workers work better than the Sex Slaves ever did.
(Crazy Ben): oh
The pink circle on the floor began spinning, as particles began floating out of it. The Bens looked in awe.
(The Sex King): Now, come with me. To Racism, HQ.
(Crazy Ben): Alright let’s kill him and stop racism for good!
(The Sex King): (chuckles) Kill him? You cannot kill a CEO of BAD. Every one of them is infused with Celestialsapien abilities.
(Crazy Ben): Huh.
(The Sex King): And even if you did kill him, they’d just replace him within the day! This is why I don’t like corporations. No one goes into civil war over the next of kin anymore, what a disgrace.
(Muslim Ben): So what do we do?
(The Sex King): Don’t fret. I have a way to convince him.
Muslim Ben, Crazy Ben, Eggy, and the Sex King stepped onto the teleporter, and teleported away.
The four reappeared in an office teleporter room. Leaving the teleporter room, they entered an office lobby. The Sex King walked up to a desk with a receptionist.
(The Sex King): Hi, is Mr. Peddiller in the building?
(Receptionist): Do you have a meeting set up with him?
(The Sex King): No, but, these are very urgent Order matters.
(Receptionist): I’m sorry, Mr. Peddiller is in a very important meeting at the moment. I can leave him a message if you’d like.
(The Sex King): Again, these are very urgent matters. He needs to know right away.
(Receptionist): I’m really sorry, Mr...
(The Sex King): King.
The receptionist recoiled in disgust upon hearing his last name. The company had a problematic history with another certain Mr. King.
(Receptionist): Mr. King, I’m afraid Mr. Peddiller’s schedule is full this week. You’ll have to schedule a meeting for next week, alright?
(Muslim Ben): Next week? We can’t wait until next week!
The receptionist gave Muslim Ben a fake smile.
(Receptionist): I’m sure whatever it is you need can wait another week.
The Sex King lost his temper.
(The Sex King): That’s fine.
The Sex King ripped out the computer monitor out of the receptionist’s desk (with the wires still plugged in) and began reading through it.
(Receptionist): Excuse me, SECURITY!
(The Sex King): Room 1032...
The Sex King looked around the lobby, to see a room marked 1032 behind the gates of the receptionists. Dropping the monitor, he jumped over the gate, and turned towards the Bens and Eggy.
(The Sex King): Come on!
The three jumped over the turnstile gate, as security came running behind them. The Sex King charged towards room 1032.
Bashing down the door, the Sex King entered the meeting room, seeing the CEO of Racism sitting directly across from Mark Wahlberg.
(The Sex King): (threatening) Sedab!
Sedab gave the Sex King a condescending glance.
(CEO of Racism): Just give me a second here, alright?
(CEO of Racism): (to Wahlberg) In summation, Mr. Wahlberg, I think you’d be a great fit in this company. I’ll see you Monday.
(Mark Wahlberg): Oh, thank you sir.
Mark Wahlberg got out of his chair and left the room, giving awkward looks to the Sex King and the Ben, as he squeezed out through the door. The CEO of Racism turned back towards the Sex King.
(CEO of Racism): What a lovely surprise. The Sex CEO- sorry, King. I forget sometimes.
(The Sex King): Shut it, Sedab.
(CEO of Racism): And the Ben Tennysons. Came on behalf of your fellow alter?
(Crazy Ben): Yes, we’d like to have him back plzzz
(Muslim Ben): And our aliens back.
(Sedab): Sorry, no can do about the aliens. Intergalactic High Court mandates all problematic aliens be removed from your Omnitrix. I do sincerely apologize, but they already signed the order I gave them, my friends.
(The Sex King): Then undo the Whitewash, Sedab.
(Sedab): Why don’t you do it, Sex? Oh, wait. You’re not part Celestialsapien anymore. (laughs) I swear, I keep forgetting-
(The Sex King): Just do it, Sedab!
(Sedab): And please, tell me what’s stopping me from instead snapping my fingers and arresting you all instead?
(The Sex King): (grins) I’m sure the CEO of Homophobia would love to know how you got the CEO of Nepotism his job.
(Sedab): The CEO of Homophobia? That old geezer? (laughs) Do you know how many lemon parties Mr. Nelson has had up in his office? Trust me, he doesn’t give a shit.
(The Sex King): (grumbling) Damn it, Russell...
Sedab lifted up his hand, threatening a finger snap.
(Sedab): So, again, what’s stopping me from fingersnapping you straight to hell?
(Crazy Ben): This!
Crazy Ben lifted his hand into the air, aiming for his Omnitrix.
(The Sex King): CBT, don’t, he’s too powerful!
(Crazy Ben): (transform) UPCHUCK NORRIS!
Upchuck Norris dashed in mid-air at inhuman and pinned Sedab against the wall in a crushing blow, fracturing the wall. Sedab tried to snap his fingers, which seemed to have no effect.
(Sedab): Oh, right. Upchuck Norris, immune to everything for some fuckin’ bullshit reason.
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): Change everyone back, or else...
Upchuck Norris held his fist over Sedab’s face, which lit up in flames. Sedab snapped his fingers, which did nothing.
(Sedab): (choking) Interesting fact about the real Chuck Norris, he’s a die-hard Republican, so it makes you wonder what his actual stance is on racism-
Upchuck Norris tightened his choke as his flames became larger..
(Sedab): O-kay, fine, you’re right, you’re right. Maybe judging a man on his political party is wrong, maybe he’s just a good-hearted devout Christian who is coincidentally against gay marriage-(choking)
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): Just undo it!
(Sedab): (choking) Okay, okay, fine, fine! (snaps fingers) It’s done, I undid it. I undid it.
(Muslim Ben): How do we know-
(Sedab): (choking) Look-look outside, they’re-they’re all their original races, just- stop choking me-
Muslim Ben and the Sex King turned their heads outside to see a diverse crowd walking through the lobby.
(Sedab): (choking) I even wiped everyone's memories so they don’t have any lingering trauma or anything, so, can ya please let me go, buddy?
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): Now bring us back Ben!
(Sedab): That I can’t actually do-
Upchuck Norris tightened his grip even more.
(Sedab): (choking) Will you just LISTEN? I already transferred him to the Intergalactic High Court! There’s nothing I can do!
(The Sex King): Let him go, CBT. He’s telling the truth.
Upchuck Norris freed his grip from Sedab, and turned to the Sex King and Muslim Ben.
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): Alright. Let’s go break him out. You can help us out, Sedab.
(Sedab): You can’t just break someone out of the Intergalactic High Court, with all those Celestialsapiens hanging around. Unless you wanna be stuck as Upchuck Norris for the rest of your life evading arrest. He’s going to have to stand fair trial. And, you know, if they find him guilty, then-
Sedab made a cutting motion across his through.
(Sedab): Except, y’know, they won’t actually cut his throat. Just send him to eternal damnation in the void. Which reminds me, I need to call the CEO of Nihilism.
(The Sex King): He’s right. The only way we can assist him is at his trial. (sigh) I had hoped it would not come to this.
(Muslim Ben): So what do we do with him?
(Sedab): Well, it would be preeeetty suspicious if the main prosecutor disappears right before the trial, especially after having been seen with his alternate personalities.
(The Sex King): Leave him be. As I explained before, killing him is pointless.
(Sedab): Plus, I’m not even racist, you know? I have many Black, Latino and Asian friends. It really is just a job, and my POC friends all know that it is nothing more than my work. Look man, I voted for Obama twice, and I’m voting for Biden now, not for his sake, but for Kamala Harris's. We need a Black VP in the White House now more than ever.
The Bens looked at Sedab in contemplation.
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): Well, I have actually have an idea, mate.
Upchuck Norris landed a destructive punch in Sedab’s stomach, who coiled in pain, leaving no evidence of harm.
(Sedab): (in pain) Mhhhmmmm... fuck! Fuck!
Sedab trying snapping his fingers multiple times.
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): (laughs) Oh, you can’t snap that pain away, buddy.
(Sedab): (snapping) Motherfucker...
(Muslim Ben): Alright, to the Intergalactic High Court?
(Crazy Ben/Upchuck Norris): Better get on our way then.
Upchuck Norris punched the air in front of him with such force that it blew a hole through the walls, directly into the office’s teleporter room. Upchuck Norris hopped through the hole in the wall and began casually walking towards the teleporter, to the shock of the nearby workers.
(The Sex King): Hm. Nice.
(Sedab): (rapidly snapping) God... dammit...
The Sex King, Upchuck Norris, Muslim Ben, and Eggy followed through the hole, and entered the teleporter room. Inputting in their destination, they teleported away to the Intergalactic High Court.
Ben sat in his Celestialsapien prison cell, fiddling with his now-useless Omnitrix on his bed. He looked over at his cellmate, an adult human male. His cellmate got out of his bed and stretched.
(Ben): You’re... you’re Morgan Freeman!
(Morgan Freeman): Why, yes, yes I am.
(Ben): Sorry I didn’t recognize you before, when you were... white. Guess they finally undid it, huh?
(Morgan Freeman): What?
(Ben): Oh, uh, never mind. So what are you in for?
(Morgan Freeman): (chuckles) Ohoh, trust me, Ben, you don’t wanna know.
(Ben): (laughs) What, tax evasion or some shit?
(Morgan Freeman): I’ve evaded much worse things than taxes, Ben. Some may say I’ve been evading them all my life. (sigh) But, just like the IRS, there are things you just cannot run from, I suppose.
Ben stared at Morgan Freeman with a confused expression. From outside, he suddenly heard the jail door open.
(Celestialsapien Jailer): You have 5 minutes.
Inside, came in Muslim Ben, Crazy Ben, Eggy, and the Sex King.
(Muslim Ben): Ben!
(Ben): Abu-Spanner! CBT! Eggy! And... the Sex King?
(Sex King): Greetings, Ben Tennyson. It is a pleasure meeting you again.
(Muslim Ben): He helped us get to you, Ben!
(Crazy Ben): Yeah, we beat up the CEO of Racism!
(Ben): Fuckin’ A! So-so are you getting me out of here?
(Muslim Ben): Well... no. We can’t yet. You’re gonna have to go through trial. Don’t worry, we’ll be there to help you!
(Ben): Oh, don’t worry about the trial. I’ll just ask for Trial By Combat like last time, and I’ll go free!
(Sex King): They abolished Trial By Combat, Ben. They realized it was a dumb system years ago. You’re gonna have to go through regular trial.
(Ben): Shit. There goes my plan, I guess.
(Crazy Ben): Don’t worry, Ben! We’ll represent you!
(Ben): How? You’re not even licensed to- oh. Jury Duty, right?
(Muslim Ben): Yep! With two Jury Dutys you’ll never lose your trial! When is the trial?
(Ben): Tomorrow... Morning? Like 8 hours or some shit. I don’t know how time works here.
(Crazy Ben): We’ll be there.
(Ben): Huh. Thanks, you guys. Hey, guess who I’m bunking with?
Ben pointed to Morgan Freeman, excited.
(Crazy Ben): Morgan Freeman? More like Morgan Not-Freeman!
(Sex King): Freeman! It’s been centuries!
(Morgan Freeman): Ah, Sex, my old friend! How’s life?
(Sex King): It’s been good!
(Celestialsapien Jailer): 1 minute!
(Sex King): Ah, I wish we had more time to catch up. We’ll catch up later, alright?
(Morgan Freeman): (laughs heartily) There is no way I’m leaving this place alive, my friend!
(Crazy Ben): More like... Morbid Freeman.
(Ben): I’ll see you tomorrow, guys.
Ben’s defense team left the cells, preparing for tomorrow’s trial.
Judge Domstol teleported into the courtroom, onto his Judge chair. Behind the judge’s chair, floated the scale declaring the watcher’s votes. In the back of the courtroom, a crowd of many of Ben’s old allies and adversaries spectated the case.
(Judge Domstol): In the case of The CEO of Racism vs. Ben 10, are the prosecutors ready to begin?
On the prosecutors side sat The CEO of Racism, who seemed to be hiding gnashing his teeth in pain, accompanied by Chadzmuth, a Galvan lawyer.
(Chadzmuth): We are ready to proceed, your honor.
(Judge Domstol): Are the defendants ready to proceed?
On the defendants side sat Crazy Ben and Muslim Ben, alongside Eggy and the Sex King, and Ben Prime, in chains.
(Muslim Ben): We are ready to proceed, your honor. Permission to transform?
(Judge Domstol): Permission granted.
Crazy and Muslim Ben transformed simultaneously, into Jury Riggs in matching suits and ties, with suitcases on their tails.
(Crazy Ben, Muslim Ben): JURY DUTY!
(Judge): The parties may present their opening statements. May I remind you all that you are physically incapable of lying while in this court, and that your verdict is decided by the votes of the viewers of the entire universe. Is the prosecution ready?
(Chadzmuth): Yes, your honor.
Chadzmuth teleported to the front booth of the courtroom, beginning his speech.
(Chadzmuth): My fellow Celestialsapiens. Yesterday, planet Earth fell victim to one of the worst racial attacks in its history: a Celestialsapien motion that changed the races of all humans on Earth to Caucasian, known as the Whitewash. While my client has generously chosen to both undo the damage caused by the Whitewash and drop the charges against Mr. 10 for his blatant misuse of his Celestialsapien form, my client has chosen to continue his prosecution of Mr. 10 for a single, most important reason: Ben Tennyson is nothing more than a dangerous racist, who should not be allowed to keep his Omnitrix, or his political influence. We will be advocating for a death penalty.
The crowd gasped in shock.
Sedab gave the Jury Dutys a pained, smug smile.
(Ben): (quietly) We already went over this last week with Ben Shapiro...
(Crazy Ben/Jury Duty): OBJECTION! Your honor, doesn’t seem crazy that Mr. Peddiller is suing Ben Tennyson for being racist, when he himself is the CEO of Racism, Inc.?
Ben, relieved, looked as the scales tipped towards innocence.
(Chadzmuth): Counter-Objection! As Mr. Peddiller has explained to you two before, he cannot be racist, as he has multiple POC close friends and confidants, hiring thousands of POCs into several diverse positions within his company.
(Judge): Counter-Objection approved.
The scales tipped back towards guilty.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): Your honor, Mr. Tennyson has multiple POC friends as well. How come the law does not apply to him as well?
(Judge): According to my Celestialsapien sources, it appears he has been in close touch with none of these so called POC friends in years, and prefers to keep company around his alters and white Angry Bird. Especially considering his current divorcing from his Native American wife, this defense does not stand.
(Ben): (to himself) Why did I forget to reconnect with Alan?
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): Objection, your honor, our client divorced Kai Green over her multiple counts of adultery, as I’m sure you can look up.
(Judge): Hmm. Correct. Objection approved.
The scales tipped towards innocence a little more.
(Chadzmuth): Your honor, the prosecution would like to question Ben.
Ben teleported up to the witness stand.
(Chadzmuth): You spoke before of your wife, Ben. Was she not with you in season 8, episode 74 of Ben 10: Omniverse, when you transformed into a redesign of Rath, wearing an offensive luchador outfit, and speaking nothing but Spanish? A redesign so offensive, it let to the episode being censored in Latin America? Is it possible that you and your wife were both closeted racists?
(Ben): That wasn’t me, that was Skurd. He-uh, redesigned him for me.
And so, the trial continued, Chadzmuth continuing to question Ben.
The trial was nearing its end, as the scales were tipped very much towards guilty. Ben was yet again on questioning. Both Jury Dutys were shuffling through their documents quickly, clearly over-stressed. The Sex King, saddened, looked at the scale.
(The Sex King): Well, I’m not going to lie, guys. We’re kinda screwed
(Crazy Ben/Jury Duty): (sigh) We know.
(Chadzmuth): Ben, may you explain to the jury your appearance on the Ben Shapiro Show last week, where you debated Ben Shapiro himself, a notorious right-wing host?
(Ben): Hey, it was either debating him or death!
(Chadzmuth): Thank you, Tennyson. Dismissed.
Ben teleported back to his booth.
(Judge): And so, the trial is nearing its end. I will give the parties time to prepare their final statements.
Crazy Jury Duty hopelessly shuffled through his law papers, as he let out a sad sigh.
(Crazy Ben/Jury Duty): (in a depressed tone) Guys, I think I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Clear my mind a bit before we enter the final statements.
Crazy Jury Duty pushed on his Omnitrix symbol, transforming into Smartypants.
(The Sex King): You know you can just teleport off-
Smartypants flew off the stand and began gloomily floating towards the exit, his jeans flapping behind him.
(The Sex King): Okay.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): I’m sorry, Ben. It seems even two Jury Dutys aren’t strong enough to beat corporate lawyers.
(Ben): It’s okay. You did the best you could. I still believe we’ll find some absurd way to win this case before it ends, as we always do.
(The Sex King): I doubt that, Ben. Absurd solutions don’t work well in the High Court.
(Ben): (sigh) I think you’re right.
Crazy Ben teleported back to his stall, toilet paper attached to the sole of his shoe.
(Crazy Ben): I’m back. We can probably start now rip.
Crazy Ben transformed into Jury Duty.
(Judge): Are the parties ready to give their final statements?
(Chadzmuth): Yes, your honor.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): We are ready to proceed.
(Ben): I’d like to give a final statement, your honor, if that’s allowed.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): (whispering) Ben? Would you like to go over it with us?
(Ben): It can’t make things any worse, can it?
Ben teleported to the witness stand, and stood up in his booth.
(Ben): You know, this entire trial, we’ve been focusing on the wrong thing. Celebrities and public figures, they should be held accountable for their words. But what difference does their justice make, in the end? Those figures are not the cause of the institutional racism we see among ourselves today, they are just a symptom of miseducation and hate speech. The people who truly need to be held accountable, are our lawmakers, our politicians, and other people in high authority, those who either perpetuate or refuse to fix a broken system that continues to segregate the human race, between themselves, on the basis of nothing but looks. They are not corrupt officers and bosses, who let racism run rampant in their precincts and offices, ruining the lives of the oppressed without consequences to their actions. Those are the people, that need to be in this booth today! Those are the people we need to be putting on trial! My trial is nothing but a symbolic victory, to distract the universe from the real issues and leaders plaguing societies across the galaxies, who truly perpetuate hatred and inequality. Voting me “guilty” would solve nothing. What we need to do is kick out the real bad guys in our societies. Those who escape the consequences of their terrible actions every time. Now, those are the real villains. Thank you for listening.
The scale massively swayed towards innocent, to the delight of Ben’s defense team.
(Chadzmuth): Excuse me, Ben, but aren’t you one of those “bad guys”? You’re a high-ranking Plumber, a public figure with massive political influence, not to mention god-like abilities, and yet you allow racism to run unchecked across both the Plumbers and the Earth’s governments themselves.
(Ben): (stuttering) Well, uh, you know, technically, I’m not really a leader within the Plumbers, and, uh, I don’t have a lot of influence over what happens in the precincts...
The Bens looked in disbelief as the scales instantly tipped towards guilty.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): (holding head in hands) Astaghfirullah, Ben.
(Eggy): (sadly) Bagak.
(The Sex King): Dammit, what do we do now?
(Crazy Ben/Jury Duty): I may have one trick up my sleeve.
Jury Duty pulled out a yarmulke from his sleeve.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): What? Where did you even get that?
(Crazy Ben/Jury Duty): Oh, I stole it off Ben Shapiro last week. Trust me, bro.
Crazy Jury Duty held the yarmulke in front of his Omnitrix symbol.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): Wait, no, don’t do what I think you’re gonna do, CBT! Don’t do anything impulsive!
Crazy Jury Duty pushed the yarmulke down on his Omnitrix, transforming him.
(Chadzmuth): Ben, as a leader of political relations between the Earth and other planets, you must have influence on other world leaders, is that not correct?
(Ben): Uh, so, look-
(Crazy Ben/Hat Jury Duty): HAT JURY DUTY!
Crazy Ben transformed into Jury Duty, wearing a three piece suit, and a small yarmulke on the back of his head. The crowd gasped simultaneously. Muslim Jury Duty slunk into his seat in second-hand shame.
(Judge): What is this nonsense?
(Chadzmuth): May the jury please note that one of the members of Ben’s jury, his alter no less, has transformed into what seems to be a very obvious grotesque antisemitic stereotype of a Jewish Lawyer.
(Crazy Ben/Hat Jury Duty): An antisemitic stereotype? Oh, please.
(Judge): I stand with the prosecution. A bald, short, hunchbacked, devilish alien with a hooked nose, wearing a yarmulke and a suit? A blatantly offensive take on the Jewish Lawyer stereotype. I will not have this in my court. Guardians, revert this man.
One of the Celestialsapien guards standing nearby shot a white beam from his hand, reverting Crazy Ben to human.
(Crazy Ben): But your honor, OBJECTION!
Crazy Ben ripped up his shirt, to reveal a Star of David necklace under his shirt. The crowd gasped.
(Muslim Ben/Jury Duty): CBT? You’re... Jewish?
(Crazy Ben): Yes, Abu-Spanner. You see, viewers at home, when I went to the bathroom a few minutes ago, I was broken. I needed some time to think. After all, I had caused all this by my impulsiveness, haven’t I? So I used my only available time-traveling alien, Leapyear, and traveled to the future, to take some time off to think. Searching for meaning, I found a Ben Shapiro’s yarmulke in my jacket pocket, which I had stolen just a week before.
The video on the screen broadcasted Crazy Ben’s memories of transforming into Leapyear on the toilet, and traveling in time to the future.
(Crazy Ben): I was always fascinated by Judaism. How has such a small religion survived over two thousand years while influencing world culture so heavily? So I set to find a Rabbi. Finding one in Rabbi Seinfeld, I explained to him my worries, and after a deep meaningful conversation, I began my conversion to Judaism. And after 2-12 months, I completed my conversion to Judaism, and set out to return to the present, as a new converted man.
The video showed Crazy Ben’s late Bar Mitzvah, dancing in a synagogue with his fellow Jews.
(Crazy Ben): Of course, Leapyear can only time-travel to leap days, so I returned to February 29th this year and lied in wait for 7 months in a hotel room, to prevent any paradoxes, spending my time studying the Bible. As the court date came up, I teleported back to the booth minutes after I left. So, your honor, as a fully converted Jew, I believe I should be allowed to use Hat Jury Duty in a court of law, as he is nothing more but an expression of my religion in alien form.
The video on the screen broadcasted Crazy Ben’s return to the present, studying the Bible in his room.
(Chadzmuth): Your honor, this is ridiculous!
(Judge): The story checks out, Chadzmuth. CBT, you are allowed to proceed.
The crowd gasped in shock.
(Sedab): The fuck?
Sedab stood up from his seat, agitated.
(Sedab): Excuse me, permission to break the fourth wall, your honor?
(Sedab): Then OBJECTION! This scene cannot be written into an episode! This is blatantly anti-semitic!
(Crazy Ben): Bro... the author is Jewish...
(Judge): Objection overturned. CBT, you may proceed.
(Crazy Ben): (transform) HAT JURY DUTY!
Hat Jury Duty began shuffling through his case folder, as he quickly began writing a statement to win the case with his enhanced Jewish Lawyer abilities.
(Crazy Ben/Hat Jury Duty): ACQUIT ACQUIT ACQUIT! ABSOLVE ABSOLVE ABSOLVE!
(Chadzmuth): Your honor, this is preposterous! You cannot allow this in your court!
(Crazy Ben/Hat Jury Duty): EXONERATION! Teleport me up there, bubaleh!
Hat Jury Duty completed his final statement, as he read it to the crowd.
(Crazy Ben/Hat Jury Duty): (finishing statement) And that is why Ben Tennyson is NOT a racist. End of statement, your honor.
Behind Hat Jury Duty, the scales tipped massively towards Ben.
(Judge): The Jury has declared... Ben innocent!
Ben’s chain disappeared, as the other Bens reverted and cheered in their booth, hugging each other in excitement.
(Ben): You absolute mad man! You did it! You saved my ass!
(Muslim Ben): Alhamdullilah!
(Ben): So what now? Are you-are you cured now as well?
(Crazy Ben): nah lol im still weird xdddd. But. I have learned to control my impulsiveness, through the power of Judaism. Somewhat. Anyway whomst want a pickle
(Ben): Fuck it, I’ll take one, CBT.
(Crazy Ben): Please, you can call me Jewish Ben. For short call me... JB.
(Ben): (bites lip in frustration) You know what? I’m gonna ignore that! I can’t believe we won!
Sedab and Chadzmuth looked over from their booth, seething in anger.
Later at night, the CEO of Racism walked up to his office, where he saw his door wide open. Walking inside, he noticed someone sitting in his chair.
(Mystery Villain): Hello, Sedab.
(Sedab): Look, I’m sorry. I did the fuckin’ best I could. We almost had him, you know. Goddamn Jewish lawyers.
(Mystery Villain): Yes, I saw the broadcast. Nasty stuff, what went on there. Did you get me the sample?
(Sedab): Oh, uh, yes, here it is.
Sedab pulled out a small glass container from his jacket, containing a strand of orange hair. He gave it to the Mystery Villain.
(Mystery Villain): Oh, wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
The Mystery Villain inspected the strand of hair in the light.
(Mystery Villain): His return will be... tremendous.
The Mystery Villain stood up from the shadows, revealing an orange Gourmand in a suit.
- The Bens
- Alan Albright
- Max Tennyson
- Sex Guards
- Sex King/The Sex King
- Morgan Freeman
- Judge Domstol
- Sedab Peddiller/The CEO of Racism
- Racism, Inc Receptionist
- Mark Wahlberg
- Mystery Villain
By Crazy Ben
- BenBen (Ben Prime)
- Hat Alien X
- Pie Guy (BTSFEOOF debut)
- Wildnutt (debut)
- Upchuck Norris (BTSFEOOF transformation debut)
- Jury Duty (x2)
- Leapyear (x2, off-screen)
- Hat Jury Duty (debut, x2)
By Muslim Ben
- Echo Echo
- Jury Duty