Battle of the Beards is the 15th episode of BTSF.

Plot

Ben, Gwen and Kevin were fighting Sunder.

(Sunder): SUUUUUUUNDEEEEEEER

(Ben): OMG THUNDER?

(Sunder): SUNDER.

(Ben): Oh. (transform): WAYLIGHTER!

Waylighter fired fireballs at Sunder, but he cut them with his axe.

(Kevin): Is that even possible?

(Sunder): SHUT UP! (fires laser)

Kevin absorbed the laser, and became all laserish.

(Sunder): HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

(Kevin): Dunno.

Kevin jumped at Sunder with his laser body, but Sunder kicked him away. Waylighter fired fireballs at him, and Sunder didn't care.

(Waylighter): FIREBALLS DON'T WORK. I MUST EVOLVE..

(Kevin): STOP EVOLVING FOR EVERYTHING.

(Waylighter): But my Viking førm is better! IT HAZ AN EPIK BEARD! (vikings) VIKING WAYLIGHTER! WOOT WOOT EPIK BEARD

(Sunder): That beard isn't epic. I had one when I was twenty five. (pic shows of young Sunder with beard) See?

(Viking Waylighter): WHAT?

MY

BEARD

IS AWESØME!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

(Sunder): Uh, wha-

Viking Waylighter turned his hammer enourmous, and smashed Sunder. He summoned a lot of vikings to attack him.

(Viking Waylighter): BY THE PØWER ØF THØR, LET LIGHTNING STRIKE!

A lightning came from the sky, and zapped Sunder. Sunder turned into dust, and crawled away.

(Sunder): FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Now, in the Olympus, we see Zeus, Ares and Hera near an enormous chair. Hermes comes running in.

(Hermes): *pant* I was in Bellwood a minute ago, the beard awesomer than you has appeared... again.

(Zeus): WHAT? HOW DARE HE? AFTER HE DARES SHOW AGAIN!

(Hermes): Yeah, sir.

(Zeus): THIS IS MADNESS!

(Ares): THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAA!

(Zeus): Shut up Ares. That movie wasn't even related to you.

(Ares): IT HAD WAR! I'M THE GOD OF WAR!

(Zeus): Whatever. I MUST FIND THAT EPIC BEARDED GUY! (disappears)

Zeus reappeared in front of Gwen, Kevin and Viking Waylighter.

(Viking Waylighter): AHHHHHH IT'S MOSES!

(Zeus): I'M ZEUS MORTAL!

(Kevin): ZEUS? Oh man, I changed my religion to Norse Mythology just two days ago!

(Zeus): All gods are real. Listen, fire monster, YOU DARE HAVE AN EPICER BEARD THAN ME!

(Viking Waylighter): Your beard is just seriously long! Mine is handsome!

(Zeus): No, mine!

(Viking Waylighter): NO U.

(Zeus): What? You aren't making any sense!

(Viking Waylighter): I don't have to. I have an epic beard. (zoom in shows of his beard)

(Zeus): I challenge you now to a beard battle! Zeus vs. uh, what's your name?

(Viking Waylighter): You're a god! You should know my name!

(Zeus): I'm the god of lightning and sky, not the god of names!

(Viking Waylighter): My name is Viking Waylighter, AKA Ben Tennyson.

(Zeus): LEEEEEEEEET'S BATTLE! ZEUS VS. VIKING WAYLIGHTER!

Suddenly, Zeus, Kevin, Gwen and Ben were in a giant arena. All sorts of gods were around.

(Zeus): THIS IS THE AWESOME GODLY BATTLE BETWEEN ZEUS, THE KING OF GODS, AND VIKING WAYLIGHTER, THE BEARDED FIRE CREATURE!

People cheered. Ares was in the middle of the arena.

(Ares): Since I'm the god of war, I BRING THIS AWESOME BATTLE TO THE OLYMPUS CHANNEL! The judges today are Dionysus, the god of wine, Athena, the goddess of intelligence, and Percy Jackson, the hero of that awesome book series!

People cheered even more!

(Viking Waylighter): CAN I HAVE AN EPIC SONG SORTA THING?

(Athena): Uh, sure.

(Viking Waylighter):

YO ZEUS, YO ZEUS, YO ZEUS

My beard is awesomer

YO ZEUS, YO ZEUS, YO ZEUS

MY BEARD IS EPICER

OH YEAH, I'M GONNA KICK YER GODLY BUTT

BECAUSE I'M AWESOME

YES I AM

I HAVE A BEARD

A VERY COOL ONE TOO

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

(Athena): That didn't even rhyme!

(Dionysus): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

People started throwing tomatos at Viking Waylighter.

(Gwen): Way to go, Ben.

(Viking Waylighter): YEAH, WE'RE GETTING FREE TOMATOS! (fries tomatos)

(Zeus): LET'S BATTLE ALREADY!

Zeus's beard turned into a lightsaber sorta thing. VW's beard turned into a fire furry lightsaber thing too. They started battling in a lightsaber battle thingy. Eventually Zeus trapped him to the ground.

(Viking Waylighter): YOU KILLED MY FATHER!

(Zeus): No, Viking Waylighter... I AM YOU FATHER!

Viking Waylighter turned his head, and looked at Heracles, Jason and Thalia from Heroes of the Olympus books.

(Viking Waylighter): I AM YOUR BROTHERS. DUN DUN DUUUN

(Zeus): You know I was only joking right?

(Viking Waylighter): Oh... sure... I knew that.

Viking Waylighter PWNED Zeus, and cornered him to the floor.

(Viking Waylighter): YUSH! (cuts off Zeus's arm)

(Zeus): Noooooooooooo! I am a god! How dare you! (hand heals)

(Viking Waylighter): HAHA. I BEATED A GOD. (reverts to human) Uh oh.

(Zeus): You're just a human? AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A STUBBLE! I WILL KILL YOU!

(Athena): THAT'S CHEATING!

(Percy): Yeah!

(Audience): KILL HIM, KILL HIM!

(Zeus): OH YES I WILL!

Zeus fired lightning bolts at Ben, who avoided them.

(Ben): AAAAAAH!

Zeus created a wind attack and Ben fell down.

(Zeus): NOW FEEL THE WRATH OF THE GOD! (fires electricity)

(Ben): (transform) Benvicktor! (absorbs electricity and blasts it back)

(Zeus): FRANKENSTEIN?

HADES SUDDENLY APPEARED!

(Hades): Frankenstein's monster? HOW DARE SOMEONE BRING SOMEONE OUT OF THE DEAD! RAAAAAAAA

Hades created a rock pillar, and hit Benvicktor. Benvicktor punched Hades, but Hades summoned some zombies.

(Benvicktor): AHH ZOMBIES! This would work for a clip I'm making!

(Gwen): RUN BEN! THEY ARE BOTH GODS!

(Benvicktor): NO WAY I WANNA FIGHT!

(Gwen): You're gonna die!

(Benvicktor): OH.

(Gwen): FACEPALM.

Benvicktor, Kevin and Gwen ran away. Hades, Zeus, Athena, Ares, and Dionysus ran after him.

(Ares): I want WAR!

(Zeus): (blasts an enormous blast of energy) DIE BETTER BEARDED DUDE!

The energy hit Benvicktor, but in the last minute he turned into someone else.

(Ben): LURNIT!

(Zeus): POPTROPICA? THAT DAMN GAME MADE ME LOOK LIKE A VILLAIN!

(Lurint): ....................

(Zeus): Shut up.

Zeus fired electricity at Lurnit, but Lurnit reflected it. Then Lurnit fire energy from his trident, and Zeus avoided it. It hit Athena.

(Athena): AHH I GOT A BEARD!

(Zeus): What?

(Lurnit): I wanted to give you the awesomest beard, not to kill you!

(Zeus): Oooh. GIMME NOW!

(Lurnit): I can't. I can only do beard-related stuff every two hours.

(Zeus): FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

(Ares): I'LL PASS THE BEARD!

Ares moved the epic beard from Athena to Zeus.

(Zeus): YESSSSSSS!

(Lurnit): So we're cool now?

(Zeus): Yep.

(Lurnit): OKAY THEN BYE!

Lurnit, Gwen and Kevin teleported away.

(Gwen): That was a very weird adventure.

(Lurnit): Yeah.

SUDDENLY, A WILD BUNCH OF GODS APPEAR!

(Hephaestus): Dude, can you give me an epic beard too?

(Lurnit): I can only make one every two hours!

(Chronos): (moves time) GIVE US THE EPIC BEARDS!

(Lurnit): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE END!

Aliens Used

Characters

  • Ben
  • Gwen
  • Kevin
  • Athena
  • Dionysus
  • Hephaestus
  • Chronos
  • Percy Jackson
  • Jason Grace (cameo)
  • Thalia Grace (cameo)
  • Heracles (cameo)

Villains

  • Zeus
  • Hades
  • Ares
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