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Evan Billion
Season Shorts, Episode Short #5
Air date N/A
Written by Blastor Efftank Eitan Elfburger
Directed by ^
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Appoplex-Kevin is the 5th short of Evan Billion, and was created for Rath Fest 2014.

Plot

Evan and the gang were fighting an Appoplexian that was robbing a bank. The Appoplexian sneezed.

(Kevin): Gesundheit.

(Evan): Don't bless the enemy!

The Appoplexian sneezed again.

(Appoplexian): You can't-- A-CHOO! stop me from-- A-CHOO! robbing-- A-CHOO! the-- A-CHOO! bank!

(Evan): I think you need a TIS-SUE!

The Appoplexian ran towards Evan and tried to stab him, but Evan quickly absorbed the metal of the Billiontrix and survived the attack. Then, he unabsorbed the metal and transformed.

(Evan): ABC!

Evan shot the letters W, H, I, and P. They combined and became a whip. Evan grabbed the whip and used it against the Appoplexian, but the Appoplexian grabbed it, pulled Evan, and kicked him away. Rocket stretched around the Appoplexian and tied him up. Sharpoint ran towards the Appoplexian, getting ready to punch him. The Appoplexian sneezed, getting free from Rocket, whom Sharpoint accidentally punched.

(Sharpoint): Ghity aqu. (Translation: That wasn't an accident.)

Kevin absorbed the ground, then transformed his hands into maces.

(Kevin): Evan, create a cannon and launch me with it!

Evan shot the letters C, A, N, N, O, and N. They combined and became a cannon, which Kevin got in. Evan created a match and fired Kevin at the Appoplexian with it. When Kevin crashed into the Appoplexian, he hit him hard, causing him to wobble around. Then, the Appoplexian sneezed a bunch of goo on Kevin, sending the Appoplexian backwards and unconscious.

(Kevin): Okay, now I need a tissue.

Later.....

Kevin was driving the gang around. Evan was playing on a Nintendo DS. Kevin was looking forward the whole time, not saying anything at all.

(Evan): ................Hey cuz, you wanna play?

Kevin slowly grabbed the DS, using only his index finger and his thumb. It swung back and forth in his hand. Kevin pulled into a parking lot, then started playing the game. After a couple seconds, a noise came from the game, indicating that Kevin had lost.

(Kevin): RAAAAH! Lemme tell ya somethin', pearl robots, NO ONE SHOOTS PEARLS AT APPO!

(Evan): Your name is Kevin.

(Kevin): APPO KNOWS WHAT HIS NAME IS! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL HIM!

(Evan): 3 questions. 1: Why are you yelling? 2: Why are you speaking in third person? And 3: Can I have my game back?

(Kevin): You, pathetic boy, seem confused.

(Evan): Hey! I'm not pathetic! Just watch me lift that large rock over there!

Evan got out of the car and walked to a large rock. He attempted to pick it up, but ended up pulling himself down instead. Kevin, Rocket, and Sharpoint also got out of the car.

(Kevin): Hahaha. Pathetic boy funny.

(Evan): What happened to your grammar?

(Kevin): Appo doesn't need grammar! Appo needs food!

(Evan): You just had a burger a couple minutes ago!

(Kevin): Not enough! Appo wants more!

(Evan): Why are you acting so weird all of the sudden?

(Kevin): Weird? Appo's not acting weird! This is normal for an Appoplexian.

Evan, Sharpoint, and Rocket exchanged glances.

Later.....

They were all at a doctor, whose nametag said, "RONNIE BURT, ALIEN DOCTOR". Kevin was lying on a bed, and finished up a hot dog. Then, Ronnie kept poking him with a stick, causing him to giggle while squirming.

(Kevin, eventually): LEMME TELL YA SOMETHIN', POKING STICK! NO ONE POKES APPO AND MAKES HIM GIGGLE AND MAKES HIM SQUIRM SIMULTANEOUSLY AND DOESN'T GET SNAPPED IN HALF BY APPO'S CLAWS!

Kevin swung his fist at the stick, in a way that if he had claws, he would have broken it.

(Kevin): Why are you not snapped in half?!! SNAP!

Kevin kept trying, to no avail.

(Ronnie): Yep. He's been Appoplexi-infected.

(Evan): Oh great. What does that mean?

(Ronnie): Whenever an Appoplexian sneezes on a member of another species, the sneezee will then begin to act exactly like the sneezer.

(Evan): So Kevin thinks he's the Appoplexian robber?

(Ronnie): Yep.

(Evan): How do we cure it?

(Ronnie): I've done a little bit of analysis on this before. Now where did I put it?

Ronnie found a clipboard and picked it up.

(Ronnie): Ah, here it is.

He flipped through the pages.

(Ronnie): Yeah, umm, mm-hmmmmm........You can't.

(Evan): WHAT!?!

(Rocket): WAA!?!

Sharpoint was eating a sandwich. Rocket poked him.

(Sharpoint): WAA!?!

(Evan): So he's gonna be stuck like this forever?

(Ronnie): Well, there is ONE way you can cure him. But it's extremely risky.

(Evan): Well, we're all in suspense here!

Evan and Rocket were in suspense. Sharpoint was still eating the sandwich. Rocket slapped it out of his hands and melted it. Sharpoint was in suspense.

(Evan): What is it?

(Ronnie): .........I shouldn't've brought it up. Nevermind. Go home.

Ronnie started packing up his things.

(Evan): I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

(Ronnie): .........Okay, fine. You have to.....

Later.....

Evan walked into a jail, and saw the Appoplexian (Appo) in one of the cells.

(Evan): Hey, Appo, we need your help. When you sneezed on my cousin, you gave him a disease that made him act like you. And we need you to help cure him.

(Appo): What's in it-- A-CHOO! for Appo?

(Evan): I'll give you 24 hours of freedom from jail.

(Appo): Mmmm...okay.

Evan pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the cell door.

(Appo): More like 24 years!

Appo pushed Evan down and started running away.

(Evan): Hey, what are you doing?

(Appo): Appo's never going back into that cell! So Appo tricked you into letting him out!

(Evan): Come back!

Evan transformed.

(Evan): Esrever!

Evan switched Appo's direction, so he was now running towards him. Evan reverted, then grabbed Appo.

(Appo): Let Appo go!

Appo broke free.

(Evan): Wait, Appo!

Evan tickled Appo's nose.

(Evan): Coochi-coochi-coo!

(Appo): AAAAA-AAAAAA-AAAAAAA-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Appo sneezed on Evan the same goo that he had sneezed on Kevin, then ran away.

(Evan): Perfect.

Later.....

Kevin was robbing a bank. Evan then stepped into the scene, in the exact same position Kevin was in.

(Kevin): Move out of the way, pathetic boy! Appo is coming through!

(Evan, simultaneously): Move out of the way, pathetic boy! Appo is coming through!

(Kevin): Hey, stop copying Appo!

(Evan, simultaneously): Hey, stop copying Appo!

(Kevin/Evan): Stop! LEMME TELL YA SOMETHIN', PATHETIC BOY! NOBODY COPIES APPO! RAAAAH!

Kevin dropped his bags. Both cousins ran towards each other, and punched each other's fist. Then, they did the same thing, using their other hands. They blocked the other's kick with a kick of their own. They jumped to the ground and started wrestling each other. They both saw Appo running by.

(Kevin/Evan): LEMME TELL YA SOMETHIN', APPOPLEXIAN! AFTER I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, MY DISEASE ISN'T GOING TO MAKE ME ACT LIKE ANYONE! Anyone still alive!

Both Kevin and Evan jumped to Appo, and beat him up, using the exact same motions the other was doing. Then, Kevin scratched his own arm.

(Evan): Oh no!

Energy surged out of Kevin's arm, and expanded very quickly, engulfing everything in its path. It grew and grew, covering entire blocks. Evan flashed back to when Ronnie was telling him the cure.

(Ronnie): But if you don't mimic his moves EXACTLY, the whole city will be destroyed.

(Evan): This is a really weird cure.

Evan and Kevin tried to run away, but the energy field kept them in one place.

(Evan): Oh no! The whole city's about to be destroyed!

(Voice): I don't think so!

Ronnie walked up and started doing a really weird dance. When he was finished, the city went back to normal.

(Evan): What was that?

(Ronnie): I was looking through my notes, and I came across another cure.

(Evan): So everything's okay now?

(Ronnie): Yep.

(Sharpoint): AAH-AAH-CHOO!!!!!

Sharpoint sneezed on Ronnie.

(Ronnie): Oh no! When a Petrosapien sneezes on a member of another species, it rorawqajahn! Bufanda! Miwerawkaju!

Then, both Sharpoint and Ronnie started eating a sandwich. Rocket melted both the sandwiches, but Sharpoint and Ronnie started beating him up.

(Evan): Yep, everything's okay.

THE END

Characters

Villains

  • Appo

Aliens Used

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