Talk:Hexed/@comment-24922135-20171211223811

Okay so apparently we're doing this again. I have been told that EVERY member of the TNO team worked on this in at least some capacity, like I suggested they actually do. I've also been promised that I will complement this episode atleast once so let's see whether it's me or Creeper that's more disappointed by the end of this.

Before I begin reading I've noticed you guys failed to add the 'Episodes' category so we're off to a PHENOMENAL start already.

"Ben is followed around by a white orb, who tells him that he has to go to Legerdomain. But little does he know, a deadly trap is waiting for him." Because if a tulpa tells me what to do the last thing I expect is to come out worse for it.

"Open to a city, everything seems normal, until a purple car speeds by, driven by three men dressed in violet tuxedos, with sacks on their heads to match." Speak, normally, please.

"Before he can finish his sentence, the car is lifted into the air." Given that the car is fleeing from a crime scene, in anticipation of a police chase, I can only imagine that either the car is now flying or the driver has now painted the steering wheel a rather unpleasant colour using his face.

"The orb flies away, obscuring the screen." What screen? My screen? My screen is fine.

"It fades to Eelectricity, swimming after a Pisciss Volann." Oh it was meant to be my screen. What an unnatural way to change scene.

As a side note, what I was not expecting from this episode was the uneventful murder of three Violet Offenders and the claustrophobic horror of drowning in the deep unable to escape. That's not a compliment, just out of tone for what I expected from this series.

"Purple Rain: I swear, if that shield thingy happens again..." So... are these events meant to be consecutive attempts to capture criminals? If so, I feel that you're skipping over the very important middle parts where Ben deals with the orb. What happened after the orb appeared the first time? Did it just disappear? And what about the second time? That time when he was trapped and on a time limit? If these events are not consecutive, why bring this up now?

"Vulkanus starts to lift into the air, and his eyes glow white. Vulkanus: Iq vq Ngigtfqockp. Iq vq Ngigtfqockp. Iq vq Ngigtfqockp! The white orb flies out of him, and he drops down. The scene changes to Ben talking to Gwen at Mr. Smoothie." At this point I refuse to believe there is any motive that the orb may have, nor any rhyme to its abilities. Previously it seemed to be screwing Ben over, this is just a slight inconvenience before condemning the named villain back to Ben's mercy (assuming he survives the fall of unknown distance).

"Humungousaur: Another Busy Box?! Great(!)" Another line of questionable dialogue?! Great(!)

BTW ciphers don't work out-loud. They need to be written especially when they're garbled non-sense such as what Vulkanus said. What you're thinking of is just called a secret message or riddle, but those need to be comprehensible.

Okay fine dammit you can have my one compliment. The way Ultimate Fasttrack is used is actually pretty clever. I think the transformation sequence could have been clearer (maybe say the fur was blue BEFORE becoming orange so I don't think it's Rath) but other than that it's a creative and logically sound use of the alien.

Previously: "But little does he know, a deadly trap is waiting for him." Presently: "Ben: Ugh. I don't think we should go to Legerdomain. That orb just attacked me, and it seems an awful lot like a trap."



"Charmander: He had a little trinket (hold up the skull on the front of Adwaitia's belt) that I wanted." :DEEPERTHINKING:

Aside from the stated reason for hating Gwen, why did Charmcaster feel the need to mess with Ben, bring him to Ledgerdomain, then destroy his Ultimatrix? I'm compelled to state that this entire plan ALSO relies on Ben being near Gwen at least once during his recent fights (a rarity during Omniverse), or at least on Ben deciding to consult Gwen instead of literally anyone else. Let's be real here, in the Ben 10 universe the answer is far more likely to be sci-fi related than magic related, so he'd have been more likely to ask Rook first rather than Gwen if he needed to ask someone.

"Chains come out of here hands and wrap around Gwen" * her

"She hits the Ultimatrix MK10, turning Ben into Jetray" So... she didn't destroy it then?

"Charmcaster: Goodbye Gwen Tennyson's cousin." I guess this is a good way to highlight that Charmcaster really only cares about Gwen right now, but that only further highlight my previous problem of WHY IS BEN EVEN HERE?! You're allowed to have episodes without Ben, you know?

"Gwen: Reparo!" Oh yeah y'know with that magic that we previously established she is not being allowed to use because orb. That magic.

"Jetray Alien: Yes! Spirit Jetray forever!" Hooray. New form ex machina.

"The mana chains wrap around Charmcaster and Gwen walks up to her." So Charmcaster, in possession of an artefact meant to place her as the most powerful mana user in the universe, is beaten by new form ex machina and a magic-less Gwen who now has magic because deus ex machina? And I was supposed to have a positive opinion about this story?

"Gwen: You blew up a police planet?! Kevin: It was an accident! Gwen: The entire place is outside of the universe, how can you get there by accident?!"

How is there a planet outside of the universe? Moreover, how could Kevin and Argit of all people arrive there in the first place? And why set up a police outpost there? Ah yes, to catch all those transcendental criminals, I see.

"Kevin: Relax, the rhino guys were fine about it, I just have to pay 2,000,000 taydens..." Now you see: I know what that's a reference too. Given that Creeper co-wrote this episode and IMMEDIATELY DM'd me to tell me it was complete, I know for sure it was written specifically for me to catch. But even then I prefer to think you were implying that it was a race of Exo-Skulls.

All ten lines of dialogue after that are bad for different reasons that I don't want to go over.

I think this episode was an improvement over previous? But it's been a LONG while so idk. It's a good thing that you apparently got everyone to try, but I'm not sure I believe you. Either that or you guys really don't think through what you write.