Machina Ex Deus

Machina Ex Deus is the fifth episode of Not Applicable.

Episode
[17,000 Years Ago]

Three purple figures sat at a large, triangular table. The room was dark, save for a light shining down upon the beings from the ceiling, slowly shifting with unnatural patterns and a small flicker here and there.

[??? 1]: "This is a very serious matter, indeed. Are you sure it is too late to dispose of the device?"

[??? 2]: "Very sure. I propose that we start evacuating the people immediately."

[??? 3]: "And just where would we evacuate to? In case you've forgotten, the very fabric of our timeline is unraveling. You say that we should run, but have you no answer as to where we shall flee to?"

[??? 2]: "Into the space between spaces. We have the capability to survive there until we can relocate properly."

[??? 1]: "And of the device? What shall we do with it? If we simply leave it as it is, it will no doubt begin to destroy other timelines as well."

[??? 2]: "We may be able to send it in a long cross-timeline arc. By the time it lands, it will have depleted it's internal energy, rendering it inactive unless another sapient lifeform merges with it."

[??? 1]: "Very well, then. Begin the timeline transfer of the device. I will begin evacuations."

[??? 3]: "You agree with this foolishness? Surely you realize we shall be leaving behind our entire accomplishments as a species!"

[??? 1]: "If we had a choice, perhaps I would agree with you; however, we simply don't have any other options. We brought this upon ourselves, you know."

[??? 3]: "I would not recommend speaking down to me, coward. If I am outnumbered in the council, then I must concede. However, make no mistake, fools, for I will be in charge one day, and once I am..."

"...I will not hesitate to destroy all who oppose me, to reclaim the glory of the Zenturi!"

--

[Present Day]

[Napoleon]: "Man, I am so booored."

Napoleon and Herculian sat in an alleyway as usual, using the shade to escape the heat of the sun.

[Herculian]: "Well, if you want something to do, you could try explaining why you froze up while fighting the Obsidian Death. Or explain why you thought attacking them was a good idea. Or why you you do practically anything you do. I would absolutely love to hear about that."

Napoleon ignored the statement and simply looked up at the sky.

[Napoleon]: "I wish there were more clouds out. The sun's way too hot in the summer."

Herculian glared at Napoleon.

[Herculian]: "You seem awfully adept at waving off things you don't want to hear."

[Napoleon]: "It's way too bright out, too. Always hurts my eyes unless I'm wearing my sunglasses."

[Herculian]: "Am I going to get an answer out of all, or should I just quit while I'm ahead?"

Napoleon looked back down at Herculian.

[Napoleon]: "I would recommend the quitting idea."

Herculian sighed.

[Herculian]: "I swear, you're like an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in an idiotic narcissist."

[Napoleon]: "Hey, I'm not a narcissist! I'm way too awesome to be one!"

[Herculian]: "Case in point..."

Suddenly, a large pattern of glowing, purple energy appeared on the ground underneath Napoleon and Herculian, who both took a quick glance at the pattern and shot out of the way. The energy rose up and folded into a sphere, sinking into the ground.

[Napoleon]: "Was that-"

[Herculian]: "A trap by the Zenturi? My guess would be, yes."

The ground below where the two had ducked to started glowing in a pattern as well, sending them running. Pattern after pattern rose up from the ground, chasing the pair out of the alleyway onto the streets. People gave them strange looks as they ran past, quickly followed by looks of panic upon seeing the energy. The patterns kept following, scattering people in all directions and swallowing up those who weren't fast enough to escape.

[Herculian]: "Okay, seriously? Who would seriously be this persistent trying to catch YOU of all people?!"

[Napoleon]: "Well, at least we know that the one guy was telling the truth about the others coming after me!"

Napoleon and Herculian rounded the street corner, running down the sidewalk leading straight to the large park in the center of town, where they were quickly stopped by a large spider mech with a laser cannon mounted on it's back.

[Herculian]: "Oh come on, one of these things again?!"

Herculian turned around to see the energy patterns closing in quickly, while Napoleon stepped forward and pointed towards the mech.

[Napoleon]: "Hey, I already took one of you guys out! This should be a piece of cake!"

Suddenly, six more of the mechs materialized around the first, causing a large wave of wind to rush through the area.

[Napoleon]: "Um...a piece of...pie, maybe? I dunno."

[Herculian]: "Napoleon..."

[Napoleon]: "Oh, right! Transformation, GO!"

Napoleon threw his sunglasses up in the air and was surrounded by white energy, twisting and turning until finally reaching it's final shape and dispersing, revealing a tall green form.

[Napoleon]: "Meet the Titan of Speed, Zelusassin! Consider yourselves scrap metal!"

In the meantime, Herculian had climbed a nearby tree to avoid the energy patterns. He rolled his eyes.

[Herculian]: "Yeah, yeah, just get to destroying them already."

[Napoleon]: "Now that I can do!"

Napoleon shot forward, leaping from tree to tree, hurling himself over the top of a mech, bringing down his blades and slashing a hole in it. He landed on another mech's head, slamming his blades into it and ripping out a good chunk of circuitry, then jumping out of the way of a cannon shot aimed by one of the other mechs. He transformed into Iron Wrecker in midair, curling up into a spiked ball and shot towards each mech, ripping through them easily and everntually landing behind the group of mechs.

There was a moment of silence, followed by the mechs violently exploding, sending shards of metal falling from the sky. Napoleon landed on the ground behind the now destroyed mechs and transformed back into a human.

[Napoleon]: "Well, that was easy! Hey, Herculian, you think we're done here?"

After a moment of silence, Napoleon turned towards the direction Herculian had been, but instead saw that the tree he had been in was gone, and he was nowhere to be found.

[Napoleon]: "Herculian?"

A purple pattern started glowing underneath Napoleon, who noticed it and proceeded to slouch in frustration.

[Napoleon]: "Oh. Right."

The energy swallowed up Napoleon, eventually dissipating and leaving nothing but thin air where he had been standing.

---

Napoleon materialized in a large purple room, filled with all the people that had been swallowed up by the energy. There was a lot of yelling, running around, and just general chaos. Napoleon managed to squeeze through the crowd and find Herculian, who was still sitting on top of the tree he had climbed earlier.

[Napoleon]: "Hey, Herculian! Get down here, will ya?!"

[Herculian]: "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but there's a bunch of people down there totally freaking out right now. I'm staying right up here until this whole thing blows over.

The center of the room started glowing and shot out a wave, pushing people back and casuing everyone there to stare at it. The glow pulsed and then dissipated, revealing a Zenturi, causing the people in the room to whisper among themselves with hushed murmurs.

The Zenturi either did not notice this reaction or simply did not care, opting instead to stand in silence for a few seconds before speaking with a voice of thunder.

[Zenturi]: "WHERE IS THE HUMAN KNOWN AS NAPOLEON ELDRIDGE?"

The crowd starting talking more loudly among themselves while the Zenturi stood perfectly still in wait. After a minute of this, the Zenturi spoke up again.

[Zenturi]: "IF NAPOLEON ELDRIDGE IS NOT DELIVERED TO THE CENTER OF THE ROOM IN 15 EARTH SECONDS, ALL LIFE IN THIS ROOM WILL BE ENDED SWIFTLY AND EFFICIENTLY."

The crowd flew into a panic, yelling and screaming becoming abundant, while Napoleon and Herculian looked onwards from the back of the room.

[Napoleon]: "I suppose hoping for a 'I am Spartacus' situation is pretty futile at this point."

[Herculian]: "Looks that way. I'll be back here if you screw up again."

[Napoleon]: "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence."

Meanwhile, at the center of the room, the Zenturi had almost finished it's countdown, leaving people running around and yelling in one large mix of noise and chaos. A few tried attacking the Zenturi directly, but were stopped by an enegry field.

[Zenturi]: "3..2..1.."

The Zenturi was interrupted by a distraction in the form of a very large drill that came barreling towards it, which was stopped in it's tracks at the enrgy field and flung out into the crowd, knocking a group of people over. The drill unfolded to reveal Napoleon as Batdrill, who quickly stood up and faced the Zenturi, which hadn't so much as flinched at the attack.

[Napoleon]: "Oh, come on! That worked last time!"

[Zenturi]: "PRECISELY. DID YOU PRESUME WE WOULD REPEAT FAILED TACTICS?"

[Napoleon]: "Well, I was kinda hoping, to be honest."

[Zenturi]: "THE FIRST TIME WE CONFRONTED YOU, WE DID NOT KNOW A HUMAN POSSESSED THE CAPABILITES TO PROPERLY CONTROL SWARM 1. WE WILL NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN."

[Napoleon]: "Sounds like you're going to have to make some new mistakes, because I'm totally gonna wreck you."

The Zenturi simply responded by firing a beam of energy at Napoleon, which he countered by turning into Iron Wrecker and rolling up into a ball, causing the beam to simply shove him back a few feet. He shot forwards, barreling towards the Zenturi, which simply knocked him out of the way with an energy beam that shot from the floor, sending him careening into a wall. He transformed into Sharktank and shot a high-pressure stream of water at the Zenturi which was quickly evaporated by another beam of energy.

The Zenturi started charging up a larger shot, giving Napoleon a chance to turn into Zelusassin, shooting forward, shattering the energy field with his speed and knocking the Zenturi off-balance, sending the rogue energy towards the crowd of people. Seeing this, Napoleon, rushed in front of the energy, taking the blast full on and getting shot through the crowd to the back wall, which he hit so hard it shattered the transformation. He rolled out of the way of a beam the Zenturi had blasted and formed the arm cannon, rapidly charging it and shooting towards the Zenturi through the holes in the crowd.

The Zenturi attempted to restore the energy shield, but was interrupted by the energy hitting it, causing wounds that started leaking a strange, fog-like gas that slowly floated up into the air and dissipated. The Zenturi responded by teleporting Napoleon to it and punching him in the gut, sending him flying away again. Napoleon rolled a few feet on the floor upon impact, and started trying to get up, though obviously in bad shape.

A few bystanders started helping him up, while the Zenturi raised it's arms in the air, forming a sort of 'W' shape. It's eyes started glowing, and five energy patterns appeared on the walls of the room, another Zenturi stepping out of each one.

[Zenturi 1]: "THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY MORE RESISTANCE. PREPARE FOR DEATH."

The group of Zenturi all started charging energy, aiming directly at Napoleon, but were interrupted by a hailstorm of bullets. Though the projectiles simply passed through the Zenturi and bounced off the walls, it was enough to distract them, giving Napoleon time to transform into Carbon and rush forward with his fist in the form of a diamond mace, making contact with the first Zenturi and knocking it back. He was quickly joined by Herculian, who had transformed his arm into a semi-automatic machine gun.

[Napoleon]: "Hey, thanks for the cover."

[Herculian]: "You're welcome and all, but we should probably be focusing on the homocidal purple things."

[Napoleon]: "Good point."

Napoleon rushed at one of the other Zenturi, preparing a hit, when he was shot by an energy beam from the wall, knocking off a chunk of his body. More beams shot at him, destroying the form again and blasting him away. He got up and threw his sunglasses, sending them spinning at high speeds at the nearest Zenturi, splitting them apart and growing in size, then slamming into their target and pinning it to the wall.

He formed an arm cannon again, but before he could get any shots out, it was blasted apart by a beam that grazed his arm, slightly burning it. He tried to transform, but the group of Zenturi had regrouped and started firing at him again, forcing him to dodge the blasts, unable to retaliate. Herculian rushed in and formed a reflective shield that blocked them from the beams.

[Herculian]: "Okay, am I going to have to do this EVERY TIME you get in a fight?!"

[Napoleon]: "I don't know, maybe!"

[Herculian]: "Just transform already, or use a construct, or just DO something already, will you?!"

[Napoleon]: "Hold on, I'm trying to think! I can't battle very well in a space like this, not to mention there are people everywhere I have to account for! Unless-"

[Herculian]: "Unless WHAT?!"

[Napoleon]: "Well, remember how when I defeated the first Zenturi, the room it conjured dissappeared? If I manage to take out the Zenturi that mad ehte room, I can effectively remove my restrictions!"

[Herculian]: "And just how do you plan on doing that?! They all look the same! They might just be a hive mind without indivuality, for all we know!"

[Napoleon]: "We'll just have to trust lady luck on this one. BONZAI!"

Napleon dashed out from behind Herculian's shield and punched the nearest Zenturi in the face, sending it reeling back. He ran across the room, dodging energy beams left and right and punching Zenturi, until the room suddenly flickered after landing a hit on one of them."

[Napoleon]: "Gotcha!"

Napoleon quickly formed the flaming sword construct and sliced through the Zenturi, chopping it in half and making it dissipate, causing the room they were in to fade, returning the inhabitants to the city. The crowd scattered, urged along by Herculian, as the remaining Zenturi bagn to summon another room. Just as the last person left the area, the room was reformed, trapping Napoleon and Herculian with five very angry Zenturi.

The Zenturi focused their attacks on Napoleon, shooting energy at an incredible rate in a last-bid effort to take him down. Herculian tried to create cover, but was knocked out by one of the beams before he could do so, leaving Napoleon defenseless. He attempted to transform, but the beams interrupted him again, landing several painful hits and throwing him against the wall again.

[Zenturi 2]: "ACCEPT DEMISE, BEARER OF SWARM 1. YOU CANNOT WIN. YOU ARE SIMPLY EXTENDING THE DIFFICULTY OF YOUR DEATH."

Napoleon struggled to get up, moving slowly and clunkily as the Zenturi closed in on him.

[Napoleon]: "Well...if that's the case..."

Napoleon's head jerked up, revealing a vicious snarl.

[Napoleon]: "THEN I'M TAKING YOU DOWN TO HELL WITH ME!"

Napoleon rushed forward, slamming his fist into the nearest Zenturi, punching a hole through it's chest and then kicking it away and trying to punch another Zenturi, but was interrupted by a heavy blow to the head, sending him sprawling across the ground. The remaining Zenturi prepared a finishing blow and shot it at Napoleon, creating a large explosion and filling the air with smoke.

The Zenturi began to walk away from the site, but stopped and turned around upon hearing movement. The smoke cleared, revealing Napoleon standing there with a purple glow in his eyes and his fist aglow with purple flames.

[Zenturi 3]: "IMPOSSIBLE. YOU COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY SURVIVED THAT BLOW. UNLESS-"

[Zenturi 4]: "NOT POSSIBLE EITHER. SWARM 1 SHOULD NO LONGER CONTAIN THIS MUCH POWER. THIS HUMAN VIOLATES THE LAWS OF REALITY."

[Napoleon]: "Just who the hell do you think I am?! I'm NAPOLEON ELDRIDGE! The mere mentioning of my name sends the scum of the universe scurrying under the nearest rock! I don't care about what Swarm 1 shouldn't do or the laws of reality or whatever!! I don't give a damn about that! I'll carve my own path through the universe, and set the heavens ablaze with the fires of my soul!"

Purple flames started to gather around Napoleon, growing larger and larger and enveloping him in a tornado of fire and energy. Napoleon's body felt as if it was burning up with energy, twisting the space around him and warping his appearance.

By the time the tornado of energy stopped, Napoleon's eyes had been completely consumed by purple energy, his clothes had changed into a purple and orange jumpsuit of sorts, his hair had been fused into some sort of violet energy with a couple of spikes, his sunglasses had been warped and energized, having four curved points and crackling with electricity, and intense purple flames blazed up from his wrists and ankles.

[Zenturi 3]: "WHAT IS THIS TRICKERY? THIS HUMAN HAS DIRECTLY LINKED TO HIS OWN SAPIENT ENERGY USING SWARM 1. WHAT IS HE TYRING TO ACCOMPLISH?"

[Zenturi 4]: "HE DOES NOT KNOW THE RISKS AS WE DO. THIS WILL LIKELY CAUSE LONG TERM EFFECTS; FOR NOW, WE SEEM TO BE AT AN IMPA-"

Napoleon shot forward, faster than the eye could see, and grabbed the speaking Zenturi by the neck in midsentence, enveloping him in purple flames, immediately disintegrating it. He whipped around and used his fists to shoot a stream of flames towards the Zenturi he had missed earlier, destroying it before it had the chance to move. The last Zenturi began to summon an energy pattern.

[Zenturi 3]: "WARNING TO ALL ZENTURI: SWARM 1 IS FULLY ACTIVE. REPEAT, SWARM 1 IS FULLY-"

The Zenturi was interrupted by Napoleon shoving a sword through it's torso and ripping it upwards, cutting it's upper body in half and making it dissipate. Napoleon suddenly spasmed, and fell onto one knee, the energy in his body seemingly overflowing.

[Napoleon]'' 'What's happening to me?! I feel like i'm about to explode, I can barely control any of my movements, and it seems like I've..changed forms or something! I need to snap out of this!'''

Napoleon jerkily rose to his feet, futilely attempting to force down the energy. He lurched forwards and fell down, the energy more intense than ever.

[Napoleon]: Wait...the Zenturi...mentioned something about Swarm 1 while they were talking about this...if I can...just...

[Napoleon]: "Swarm...1..."

"SHUT DOWN!"

The first thing Herculian saw when he came to was a clear blue sky hanging over him. He was back in the park, laying on the grass facing the sun. When he sat up, then second thing he saw was Napoleon sitting at the base of a nearby tree, barely holding on to conciousness.

[Herculian]: "Hey, Napoleon! Wake up, man! Did you defeat the Zenturi?"

Napoleon mumbled an illegible response and then fell over, totally knocked out.

[Herculian]: "I'm going to take that as a 'barely'."

Protagonists

 * Napoleon Eldridge
 * Herculian

Antagonists

 * Zenturi
 * Laser Cannon Spider Mechs

Aliens Used

 * Zelusassin (x2)
 * Iron Wrecker (x2)
 * Batdrill
 * Sharktank
 * Carbon