Talk:When It Started/@comment-28716546-20170401000258

Reviewing this as I go along.

First things first, the space in front of every new paragraph is really annoying.

Nice intro, like the perspective.

Two space ships, one in hot pursuit of the other, race through a blur of planets at light speed. The first ship makes a dangerous swoop into a meteor’s path, narrowly avoiding it, and the second ship flies through the flames, lighting his ship on fire. The second ship, aflame but now moving much faster, launches two torpedoes into the ship ahead of it. The targeted ship manages to dodge one of the missiles, but it swerves directly into the other.

Aaand it's already like Ben 10, and you were doing so well...

"Future Memes"



His faceplate gives the impression of an angry face with very thick angry-looking lines where the eyebrows would be.

>:(

Noice Emotes for Red Matter.

“Au contraire, mon capitan,” chuckles the opposing figure

French Spaceships.

What.

So...the French have electric fists.

both men were instantaneously consumed in a deadly, large explosion.

Letterbomb, I'm guessing.

Oh.

Never mind.

First off, that’s kinda gay

I think you're thinking about the wrong kind of slave.

An inconsiderate fool? Is that what this thing is?

>Sarcastic Omnitrix

I'm done.

Entire exposition section was funny.

The Omnitrix glowed enticingly, as Sol eyed it. “Sol… Press me down.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Nice texting outro.