User blog:Sci100/I don't know anymore...

I don't know anymore.

I honestly DON'T KNOW Anymore. I feel freaking sick to my stomach, I feel multiple emotions of rage, depression, I feel like crap.

First, a certain user (who I won't name) says they might have to leave the wiki when Fall comes because they might not be able to be on cause of School. They're barely on as it is, and its only going to get harder, so it seems like they're thinking they might as well leave. Then, Jack says this:

"To be honest, I'm busier during summer than during the year because for the end of July-beginning of August I'm away at sleep-away camp where there is strictly NO electronics. On weekends, I'm usually on during the day but my parents shut off the wifi after 7, making it harder to get on because they think I spend too much time on the internet when in reality, I'm spending less than an hour a day. So this summer is not going well regarding my activeness."

Its Summer! Its when you should be on the most, but actually, he's going to be on LESS! And I'm so saddened by this, because I want to chat with Jack. I want Jack to stay on the wiki, but he can't. Next, Paper reveals that he's taking a break from Wikia. Afterwards, I find that Brandon and Lego are taking vacations, meaning no Wikia, no BTFF. Ermac and Ultra aren't on anymore, Ren's semi-active but not really, Dark isn't as active anymore, I'm not as good as friends with Omi and Brian as I'd like to be (I'm just not on full TEEmblr-mode), Speedy might be leaving but who knows because I think she may or may not have graduated (I can't remember), and then finally, Nick isn't going to be on as much because of reasons he's not revealing. Chat is dying more then its living, the wiki activity has been dreadful, and frankly I'm scared because I'm not sure what the hell is going on.

That sucks. I mean, it really really sucks because I mean, I probably do spend too much time on here. But I only do because I’m not in a position where I can spend time with the few friends I have in School. I have to take care of a younger sibling and technically my mom because my dad and her are getting divorced, I’m stressing out lately, and honestly, this is the only place where I feel like I’m safe, like I can act as I want to act, like what I want to like, and be who I want to be.

This is the one place where I've actually grown attached to, and I feel better then I’m on here then when I’m anywhere else. I feel comfortable, I feel like I’m apart of something, and I have actual friends. And it really, really sucks when all of a sudden, I feel like the wiki is dying off, and soon I’m going to be here alone by my self, depressed like hell. THE WIKI IS DYING. FANON CON IS FAILING BECAUSE NO ONE DID THE WRITING CONTEST, OR REALLY DID THE PRESENTATIONS. CHAT IS LIKE... EMPTY MOST OF THE TIME.

It is probally good that you guys are not on here as much. But it sucks because I’m always stuck with a younger sibling, a mom who has stress, anxiety, physical issues, and emotional issues, a cat, and the few friends I have are either out of state or too far away. I mean, its not like I can drive at the moment.

''In Real Life... I'm not the best person to talk to. I have a hard time making friends. I don't know what to talk about. I'm not into sports. I'm not the average guy. In fact, I have some anxiety. I'm worried because I have a younger sibling and a parent I have to take care of, because my parents are no longer together. I'm having to deal with meeting new people, while surviving High School, trying to keep up with all the classes (I'm going to start doing AP Classes soon), and while I have gotten Facebook, I barely have any Facebook friends. I'd rather be on this wiki with YOU, the Community, then the real world. Because frankly, I'm scared of the real world. I'm scared of being ridiculed, of not being accepted. My passion is writing, and that's why I'm on so much. I enjoy being an admin sometimes. ''

But WHAT THE HECK is the point of being on here if I have no friends active, or no one to even bother reading? I mean, I feel like the last three years are suddenly going to waste! I feel like my comfort zone (which is BTFF) is no longer there, and that's freaking the hell out of me. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THEN THIS WIKI REALLY. It's sad, but its true. It may be selfish, and if so... I'm sorry, I wish I didn't really care about any of this, but I do.

Some users have Family Issues, Other Users are in different timezones, and some users have busy social lives, which I'm not saying is bad (the social life part). In fact, its probally good. But look. I know of two users who have personally told me that they might be leaving soon due to various reasons. This is what I have been warning about. The Good "older" users are going to leave, and that's going to leave the wiki hollow, and empty.

As we grow older, and lose interest in Ben 10 and Wikia, we're going to leave the wiki. Good Friends are going to leave, and I hate that. I'm scared to see you all leave. Because you are my friends, more friends then I have had in a long time. I don't want you to leave, and while that may be jealous, I'm sure others feel the same way.

We're not being as active, which means we can't do things like Alien Fest and Fanon Con. We can't be on chat, we can't be with friends, and as much as I love helping everyone on this wiki with my 2014 - Year of Change project, I fear that its going to end up being nothing, because no one will be around to care for it. I don't know how to stop this wiki from dying, but I can tell that its beginning to bleed out. Users are beginning to start to leave. Life, School, and Family are preventing us from coming on.

And I hate every second of that. I'm sorry I've depressed you in reading this, or done any harm... but you need to know that I'm scared. I'm scared that the wiki is dying, and everything I have done is worth nothing. I'm sorry I wrote this... but I had to say it. I couldn't hold it anymore.