User blog:MorganMatthews/Freaky Gwen Ben (Transcript)

[ Theme music plays]

[ Mid-tempo music plays]

[ Bird chirping]

[ Creak, glass shatters]

Grandpa Max: Nothing gets the blood going like a great swap meet.

Grandpa Max: Ah, it reminds me of the Marrakech bazaars.

Ben: Bizarre is right. Check this out.

Grandpa Max: That's the spirit, Ben. Here.

Ben: 10 bucks?

Gwen: Each?

Grandpa Max: Now go, reclaim your youth.

Gwen: But we are youth.

Ben: Well, I know what I'm getting -- this thing!

Gwen: Ben, that's $2,000, and you only have $10.

[ Rumbling ]

Putting our money together was the best idea ever.

Yeah, I mean, separately, We could've only afforded lame things, but together, we could buy a tank.

Gwen: [ Gasps ] Ben! We can do that, too! we can get something super cool if we put our money together.

Ben: Like this!

Gwen: Uh...

Ben: Now all we got to do is find the coolest thing at the swap meet.

Hex: Where are they? Which of you insolent plebeians stole the Titan Gauntlets? I will find you, and you will pay.

Aah!

Hex: My tracking spell has revealed the gauntlets to be here. Do not withold them from me, you market swine!

[ southern accent] Well, how do you do there, partner? I couldn't help but overhear you're looking for some fancy kind of gloves. This way, my friend.

Hex: The Titan Gauntlets, you have them?

And you need some boots, cowboy.

Hex: You dare insult me? I do not want your filthy novelty boots! I seek the gloves of the titans -- Haphaestian artistry that amplifies the user's abilities one hundredfold! With these weapons, I will rule this earthly plane!

Well, why didn't you say so? I've got just the things for earthly domination... fuzzy chaps.

Hex: [ Roars ] Enough! No more games!

[ Roaring ]

[ Screams ]

It ain't so tough. [ Grunts ]

Okay, they're tough! They're tough!

[ People screaming ]

[ Panting, screaming ]

Gwen: Ahh!

Ben: How about this?

Gwen: No, Ben, We need to find something we both agree on.

Ben: Nope.

Gwen: Ugh, weak.

Ben: I said no spooky stuff!

Gwen: Ben, come on. Stop it!

Ben: Giving you gold every time.

Gwen: [ Gasps ]

Ben: Huh?

Gwen: Attachable skates!

[ Angelic choric vocalizing ]

Ben: What?

Gwen: And if you put our money together, we can just barely afford them.

Ben: Yeah, nice for you, but I don't need skates when I got this.

Gwen: Ben!

Ben: [ Gasps ] Oh, man! Do you see what I see, Gwen? It's breathtaking!

[ Angelic choir vocalizing ]

Ben: It's a Sumo Slammer Slushifier machine!

[ whirring ]

Ben: Each slushie is the perfect embodiment of the Sumo Slammer spirit.

Ben: [ Slurps ]

Ben: [ Grunts ]

Gwen: Ben! Are you okay?

Ben: It even comes with original flavor packets!

Woman: You have good eyes children, but perhaps you'd like to see something a little more powerful?

Ben: What could be more powerful than the Sumo Slammer Slushifier machine?

Woman: These.

Gwen: Gloves? What's so special about them?

Woman: They're, uh, lacrosse gloves -- very powerful. What do you think?

Gwen: Skates please!

Ben: Slushie machine!

Grandpa Max: And not a penny more.

Woman: Fine, you win!

Grandpa Max: [Laughs]

Gwen: I said no, Ben.

Ben: It's a collectible!

Gwen: Ugh! I'm not giving you money to buy rancid sugar water.

Ben: Why don't you want me to be happy?!

Grandpa Max: Now, what's going on here? Who's going to calmly try to explain this?

Gwen: We were gonna take the money and put it together.

Ben: She got the bright idea that we should combine our money.

Gwen: But Ben will not take this seriously.

Ben: But now she's -- [ Babbling ]

Gwen: He finds all the most useless junk.

Ben: Everything Gwen likes is healthy.

Ben: Tell her she has to lighten up!

Gwen: Tell him he has to be sensible!

Grandpa Max: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whao. Take it easy. What you got to do is see eye to eye. Walk a mile in each other's shoes.

Ben: Ugh. Grandpa.

[ All screaming ]

Grandpa Max: What in the world?

[ People screaming ]

[ Chomping ]

Grandpa Max: Maybe we should get going.

Hex: Why haven't you found them yet?

[ Quacks ]

[ Groans]

Hex: Listen carefully. These are the Titan Gauntlets. They contain the power to raise mountains and flatten them back to the dust they came from to reshape the world.

Ben: What's Hex doing here?

Grandpa Max: Nothing good.

Gwen: [ Gasps ] Those are the gloves from the booth with the skates!

Ben: Oh, you mean the boots with my slushie machine?

Gwen: No.

Ben: Hero time!

Gwen: Ugh! The gloves are this way.

Hex: Leave no stone unturned!

Hex: [ Grunting ]

Diamondhead: Hey, Hex, I'm trying to buy a slushie machine here.

[ Both roar ]

Diamondhead: Whoa!

[ Quacks ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Diamondhead: Okay.

Gwen: Diamondhead? Why didn't you pick someone more useful like Stinkfly or XLR8?

Diamondhead: Look, sometimes you just have to work with what you get.

Hex: Blast that watch! How far do I have to drop you to smash it off?

Diamondhead: Let's not find out.

Hex: I'll pry those rocks off you! Enough!

Gwen: What was that? Aim for his magic book, then punch him. Wildvine's reach would work way better here.

Diamondhead: Hey! I'm doing awesome, considering what I've got to work with.

Gwen: See? You timed out already, and Hex is barely even scratched. If I were using the watch. We'd already be done.

Ben: If you were using it, we'd have already lost!

Hex: You know, Tennyson, I think you're absolutely right.

[ Both groaning ]

Grandpa Max: Gwen. Gwen? Are you okay? You took a real nasty tumble back there.

Ben: Gwen? You got to get your eyes checked old man. I'm noooooooooo -- aah!

Gwen: You're me?!

Ben: You're me?!

Gwen: But I'm you!

Ben: But I'm you!

[ Both scream ]

Grandpa Max: Now, calm down. We'll figure this out.

Gwen: What do you mean figure this out?

Ben: We have to find Hex.

Gwen: Well, what are we supposed to do? I can't use the watch.

Ben: Probably succeed in record time because someone with more than half a brain is using it.

Gwen: Great. Can't wait to see this.

Ben: It can't be that hard if you've been managing it for this long.

Grandpa Max: Hey, hey, We fight Hex, not each other.

Ben: We've got to find those gloves before Hex does.

Ben: Look. There's the shop. Let's hurry!

Grandpa Max: All right, kids. Now, what do they look like?

Ben: They had, like, weird gear-looking things on them -- like this.

Gwen: No, they didn't. They had metal knuckles on each finger -- like this!

Grandpa Max: You guys mean like these? $60? They better be pretty powerful for that kind of money.

Woman: Oh, they are very powerful. It sounds like I'm dealing with a pro. How about $55?

Grandpa Max: [ Chuckles ] I'm just getting warmed up.

Gwen: Ben needs powers now. Thank you. Now we're talking. [ Whirring ]

Hex: Huh? The gauntlets!

Gwen: They're not the watch, but let's see what they can do. Super strength, check. Let's check something else. Flying. Not check. Okay, I can deal with super strength.

Ben: You shouldn't goof around, Ben! Those are dangerous.

Gwen: I use the watch all the time. I'm used to cosmic power. You, on the other hand...

Ben: I'll be fine. Just watch. Greymatter!

Four Arms: Whoa! Whoa! whoa! But -- but this isn't what I wanted.

Gwen: Not so easy, huh?

Four Arms: Let's just go find Hex. Whoa!

Gwen: Gwen!

Hex: Give me the gloves, child.

Gwen: Eat fist, Hex!

Hex: Aah!

Four Arms: Ben, what do I do?

Gwen: Just start punching!

Four Arms: [ Grunting ]

Gwen: Yeah!

Ben: Yeah!

Gwen: Nice shot, Gwen.

Hex: Now the gloves will be mine!

Gwen: Hey!

Hex: [ Gasps ] I can feel it -- the power of a thousand gods coursing through my veins! [ Laughs maniacally ]

Ben: This is bad.

Gwen: The watch -- you got to use it.

Ben: Ben, I can't, I'm terrible at it.

Gwen: We can do it together.

Ben: [ Sighs ] Okay. Let's do this. [ Beeping ]

Upgrade: Upgrade? How is this supposed to help?

Gwen: Just think of yourself like water.

Upgrade: Whoa! How do I change back?

Gwen: Think of yourself like a rock.

Gwen: Yeah! That's it! Now get ready to fight Hex, 'cause I think he's gonna do something really bad.

Hex: [ Roars ]

Gwen: Yep. That was really bad.

Upgrade: Those gloves are too powerful!

Gwen: Ben has got an idea.

Hex: The power -- it's so intoxicating! [ Laughs evilly ]

Woman: He's gonna blow up the whole city!

Gwen: Now!

Hex: [ Laughs evilly]

Upgrade: [ Beeping ]

Hex: What is... Too powerful! I can't! No!

Gwen: I'm out.

Grandpa Max: Na-ma-la!

Gwen: Nice, Grandpa.

Grandpa Max: Ah, thanks. Now, to get you two switched back. Hmm. Um, hmm. "see...you...pa...pa...cho?" Uh...

Hex: D'oh! You fool! Stop butchering my sacred spells. It's, "Seeyu pacho Torahktoh." Ohh.

Ben: Wait. am I me? Back in our own bods!

Look, sir, we don't know what you are, but throwing a swap-meet vendor across the country with your mind has got to break some kind of law.

Gwen: I got to say, you were pretty great back there.

Ben: Yeah, I am pretty great!

Gwen: Hey!

Ben: Aw, you did a pretty good job back there, too.

Woman: You two are the champions of Swapapalooza. As heroes and as valued customers, I'd like to give you a token of my appreciation. Ah, and don't forget your original flavor packets.

Grandpa Max: That's awfully generous of you.

Woman: It's the least a simple vendor like myself could do. Farewell, children.

Gwen: You know, cuz, we pull off some pretty cool stuff when we work together. Uh, this is burning my skin.

Ben: Original flavor packets.

Woman: This will be perfect.

Ben: Okay, so, we have to start a campfire.

Gwen: Usually, Grandpa Max does it.

Ben: And it only takes him about three hours. We're gonna try using the power of -- uh, what do you call it, Gwen?

Gwen: The art of light refraction.

Ben: What she said.

Diamondhead: Whoo! Hit it, Gwen!

Gwen: [ Whirring ]

Ben: Yes!

Gwen: Yes!

Grandpa Max: Ha, look at that, Impressive.

Gwen: Right?

Grandpa Max: Aah!

[ All screaming ]