User blog:Sci100/The Beginning of the End

''I know this is going to drive you all nuts because I write a lot, but for once, I need you guys to read it all, and not just tl; dr it. So, if you could just respect my wishes, be serious, and not joke around in the comments about how long it is, I would appreciate it.''

I honestly wasn't sure if I would publish this or not. I almost didn't, but I guess I'm trying to be brave. Like seriously, I just sat here for about two hours at this, questioning if I should release it or not. *sigh* Okay, here we go.

Hey what’s up you guys, its Sci.

You may have noticed this summer I’ve been more withdrawn, and I don’t think it is right that you guys don’t have a lot of details on that. I think that I’ve let you all down, and I feel like you deserve some clarity. So that’s what this blog is going to be about, it might not answer all the questions but it’s going to at least allow you to kind of see where I’m coming from, and hopefully understand where I’m going forward into 2016. I just need you to sit back and hear me out if you can.

I try to be positive, I would think on here. I try to make sure that people are happy, that they aren’t fighting with their best friends, and that everything and everyone is okay. I’ve tried to put this wiki first, spent who knows how long on here writing, and trying to make this place better for you all. o some of you guys, it might seem like everything’s fine with my life, but the reality is that you only see the persona that I put on a computer. The Real Me (let’s use that as the alias for my first name) is Sci100, but Sci100 is not all of The Real Me. You only see a bit of The Real Me. If you’ve paid attention, I’ve been dropping hints that I haven’t been okay all year, and I think that it’s time to shine the light on that.

Ben 10 Fan Fiction has been this force in my life for about three and a half years now. This place has been a huge part of my life, affecting what I do at school, what I doodle on my notebooks sometimes, and so on. I have come up with ideas for stories to put on here rather than actually take notes for a science class at times. For example, I wrote in my school planner a list of destinations for the second season of MURDER, and that was where I came up with the premise of combining a hotel and an island together for Season 2. This place is a part of me now, and I know that it will continue to for as long as I live. I will remember the usernames of Cartoon44, NickFusi0n, UltiVerse, ZeVikingSif, StreetM, Paperluigi ttyd, Ahmad15, and everyone else for as long as I live. I don’t know how I know, but I know. But as you might be able to tell by the name of this blog, there has been something that has been on my mind, and it’s time to say it.

I have had to seriously consider when I am going to leave, and I've realized it's sooner then later.

Now this technically isn’t news, as I’ve already told people months ago that I was leaving in March 2017, but that’s most likely no longer the case. I’ve been struggling really badly for about a year now, or a few months past a year. I just want to make this clear, this is a personal problem that I have. My family is not the problem. My country is not the problem. My school isn’t really the problem. In fact, what I’m dealing with isn’t a problem, but it’s caused problems because I haven’t been able to handle it correctly. In this aspect, I know that my life is better then others on here, and I don't mean to make it sound like my life is any worse then there's, but we all have our demons, our personal struggles, and I hope you can just understand that. In the last year, I’ve noticed that my contributions to this community have been severely lacking. I’m beginning to lack in creativity, in joy, in motivation, in everything. You might have predicted this because I think we all know that one day, it’s going to become true. I’m not really that crazy about Ben 10 anymore. I think it’s still a creative franchise that has great amounts of potential, and I sincerely hope that the reboot is good, but I won’t be watching it most likely. My days with Cartoon Network are ending, with the possible exception of We Bare Bears, because I watched an episode of that and loved it oddly enough. I'm not sure if I'll keep watching it or not, but for the most part, I'm moving on from CN.

To be perfectly honest, this wiki has started to feel more like a job that I have to do rather than a place I want to go to for fun. I’ve realized that instead of being completely honest and open with you guys, I’m just putting another mask on to hide what’s really going on, and I hate it. I hate that I don’t feel like I can be the real me on here anymore. I never wanted this place to feel like an obligation, like I was contracted to stay on here. It might be because I bare a lot of responsibility as a bureaucrat, and I may have set myself up for that. I’m not entirely sure if that’s the case. You guys might not understand completely, but being an administrator or a bureaucrat is not easy. I take it as a responsibility because I have to make sure that we keep having events, and that we keep having discussions. But I haven’t been able to do that lately. I’m not the same guy I was back in 2012, I feel like I’m not as innocent, and I feel like the only thing I can do by delaying this is letting you down. I hate to do that, and I know that I’m doing that now, but you all deserve so much more from me, and I don’t know if I can give as much as I have already.

With that said, it kills me to do this, I wanted to be able to do the impossible and achieve a level of greatness by doing this, but I can’t. Not with the time I have left in my childhood, not with the time I have on here, and not with what’s going on. I’m going to start cancelling projects. While I haven’t decided which projects to cancel completely, the majority will be gone and canceled. What will ultimately come out is potentially some spoiler threads, maybe a few miniseries if I can pull it off, and I don’t know. In fact, ignore what I just said. I don’t know what’s coming out. To the writers that I hired back months ago, if you need to get with me to talk about if you’ll still writing or not, we can try to figure that out. I don’t know what’s going to end up happening. But to make it easier, from this point forward, I’m going to say that I only am connected to two projects: Prototype and MURDER.

As some of you may know, I’ve been working with Sif, the amazing creator of the original Prototype and the creator of this new Prototype, Prototype: Genesis. Along with Sif, the team includes Jack, Toon, and TJ. I’ve been developing plot for them, I’ve been planning storylines and story arcs for characters. I won’t spoil anything, but I’ve been heavy in development, and even that has been lacking lately. I’ve let the team down, and they don’t deserve that. So after some careful consideration, I’ve decided that while I will be producing the series, possibly post-leaving, at a certain point I will no longer be involved in story. I’ve spent all summer working with this incredible team and unfortunately, that has prohibited me from working on the thing I told myself I’d finish. MURDER: Mystery Island is the greatest project I have ever written by myself and without help from other people. It is a personal story, it is an amazing story that I need to get finished for myself to move on. I can tell you now that it will be the last season, there will be no Season 3, and I can tell you now that Prototype and MURDER are the end for me. Something might change for me, and if it does, I’ll let you all know, but those two franchises are the ones that matter.

It’s not just been administrative work that has been sloppy and poorly done these last few months, but it’s my ability as a writer. I don’t feel any motivation to tell the stories that I wanted to. I hate that, because I wanted to end my time on here with a final franchise that I had kind of hinted at, long-speculated, and I wanted to make something different. I feel like it doesn’t matter if you know or not now, so I’m just going to reveal this to you. My initial plan, as detailed in my January blog, was to create a franchise for one particular universe made up of several shows, detailing a cosmic story that was extremely allegorical and personal, and it was unique. This franchise would have been known as the Earth-100 franchise. I’m not going to say anything more, but I just need you all to know what I’m losing today.

This place is like a second home to me, and now it’s another place that I can’t be me. I want to, but I don’t feel like I can out of fear and concern. I feel like I have to make sure you all are better off than me. It’s now two homes that I have to do that in, and the strain of helping everyone but myself is almost too much. So instead of being on here, and doing this, I’ve been trying to just figure things out. Now I also have been guilty of addiction to Youtube and now a strange interest in Wattpad fanfiction, but I’m also trying to figure out and be okay with myself. I don’t want to stay on here longer than necessary, and bring this place down. I’ve built it up, and I need you all to help me and to start working together to keep it going. That’s why I made the Community Committee, it’s why I wanted you guys to help with the Year of Community, and it’s why I've made some of the decisions I have.

Yet somehow, the Community Team has been able to keep this community going, and I'm so glad that they have. I believe that every chat moderator and administrator have proven themselves worthy, they are all great, and I cannot thank them enough for being an amazing team. I do believe that some users deserve to be promoted, and I swear I will get a blog out about that someday, because there are changes to the Community Team that I think should be made. But the Community Team isn’t enough I think. I think we need the entire community to work together to move forward. We are one of the largest specific fanfiction wikis on Wikia, I think we might be the largest. We are over 33,000 pages, and we are still rising. We’re six years old now I think, and we need to work together, because this community has so many things, and so many cogs that need to be maintained in order for it to be as good as we want to be. I can’t be the only maintainer anymore, and that’s why I thank Sub and Paper and Ulti for taking the reins of that lately. They’re still pushing through, and I don’t know how they do it, but they do. They do deserve some level of respect for that.

Like I said, I’ve been trying to do things for you guys, and to try and keep going. But I can’t go on forever. I need to change my life a little. I’m starting to realize that in order for my life to get better, and for my life to be the way I want it to, I have to start making some changes, and I have to start giving some things up. One of those things is Wikia. I’m not giving it up now, but I’m letting you all know that I will now most likely be leaving between March 1st, 2016 (my four year anniversary) and September 5th, 2016 (my birthday). I’ve heard some people say this, and I’m starting to believe it. I want to start working on more original content, and Prototype is by far one of the most original projects this wiki will see. I’m not just saying that because I deeply care about the guys who work on the team, or the fact that I am on the team, or that I helped form the basis of the story. Prototype has a lot of potential, and I know this is advertising, but I want you all to read the pilot, and I want you to comment. I want you to comment and review it. Ultimately, I want you guys to push them to be better writers, because this show deserves that. I want to be a better writer myself, and I think to do that, I have to start writing more original content. I don’t know if that’s screenplays, or something else. I’ve considered starting up a YouTube channel. I’ve considered trying to get a camera and start making films or short films. I’m not entirely sure what I want to do yet, but I want to excel to the next level.

I feel like MURDER and Prototype will be the magnus opuses (a large and important work of art, music, or literature, especially one regarded as the most important work of an artist or writer) on Wikia. Now that I think about it, I think that these two shows are worthy of that title, and I’d rather have them be good and be considered the Magnus Opus, rather than try to overwork myself, and give you a crappy Earth-100 in my initial planned Magnus Opus. I don’t want to give you crap. I don’t want to be crap. Writing has always been a passion of mine, storytelling has been a passion of mine, and I truly feel like I have to move in that direction with my life. I feel like I owe it to myself to start considering a career in that field, and I need to start making life choices that will make me happy. I want a relationship, I want to enjoy these final years of High School, and I want to just have a normal teenage life. I really do.

I don’t know when all of MURDER will be finished, and I don’t know when Prototype will end. It may end before or after I leave. I don’t know. Like I said, I’m not leaving now, I’m staying here and I’m still going to be the bureaucrat Sci who tries to help if he can. I can try to offer advice, but I can’t sign up to write shows anymore, I can’t announce new projects, I can’t do anything but just try and wrap up what I have. I know you all don’t like it, but this is the beginning of the end for me. I may be gone from the wiki this time next year. I have to start focusing on me as a person, and not my projects. My dedication to this place was a factor in why my grades slipped last year. It wasn’t the full reason, but it was a reason. I hope you all understand my decisions, and I hope you understand where I’m coming from. This isn’t a leaving blog, this isn’t goodbye yet, but this is just my way of telling you all what’s coming.

I’m starting to tear up right now, because all of you are amazing friends, and I don’t want to lose my friends in this last year. That’s kind of why I feel I’m not capable of being myself anymore, and I hate that. I want to be myself, but I feel like I can’t on here anymore. I’ve let you all down, and I’m so sorry for that. I never wanted to let you all down, and I don’t want to stir drama or anything, but I know that this is going to be the big drama blog of the week or month, but I have to say this. What I really need from you guys is to just do me some favors. I need you to support me, I need you to understand how hard it is has been to be on here, and to not be upset with me. It’s gotten to the point where this place isn’t fun anymore, and it has become a place that I don’t always feel like I want to go on. I feel like some days I don’t want to go on chat anymore, because it’s a lot of handle.

I’m going to help with Omniverse Awards, but I have some summer requirements that I’ve been pushing off, and I’m starting to slowly get that done now. I have my commitment to Prototype, and I have the matter of my own personal problems and struggles that I don’t feel like I’m completely ready to share, if I ever do. I’m so sorry to do this to you all, and I’m sorry that I feel so defeated and uninterested. I wish it wasn’t like this, but I’m not the person I want to be right now, and I have to start making efforts to be who I want to be. I can’t go through what happened last year again, and crash during my third semester, and then spend the last 10 weeks of school trying to pick myself back up and not fail. I’m still going to be on the internet, and I’m still going to be on here this year. I’m not leaving today, I’m not leaving next month, but I need you to know that the time I am leaving is probably sooner than later. But yeah, I need you guys to just support me, to stop fighting with each other because I know there has been some fighting and arguing going on whether you all like to admit it or not, and I need you to work more on helping the admins and the chat mods maintain this wiki. If you want to have the same kind of awesome Fanon Con in 2017 as you have these last two years, then I need you to help start making that a reality.

I don’t know what else to say. I hope you support me in these decisions, I hope you understand, and I hope you didn’t skim this whole thing. If you read it all, thank you for being a real friend. Do you think I should move on to more original content? Any suggestions for what I should write about? How do you feel about the fact that Earth-100 will most likely never be fully realized? What are you going to miss about me when I do eventually leave the wiki one day? Should I leave in March or September? What do you feel I need to do or work on before I leave wiki-wise?

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With that said, thank you for reading, Sciscribe, comment below, please make sure you read the pilot episode of Prototype: Genesis, thank you all so much for being there for me, and for being true friends these last few years.