User blog:ChromastoneandTabby/Not Applicable 2: Edge of Glory Preview

Okay, so, I've been thinking about making a 'sequel' to Not Applicable. Like the original, it would be a more comedic miniseries with sporadic updates that focuses on the adventures of a Shonen-style hero. However, instead of the hot-blooded hero archetype from last time, it'd be focusing on the super-edgy Shonen heros everybody knows and ironically enjoys. Here's a preview of what it would look like:

“This...is the power known as ‘Edge’” He explained, holding up his knife-like hand. “The art of manipulating existing matter into ‘edges’, so to speak. Those who have mastered this ability are known as ‘Edgelords’.”

The stranger turned away to stare wistfully into the distance.

“My name is Damon Soulreaper, and it is my destiny to become the greatest Edgelord of them all.”

“Well, okay, that’s nice and all,” I said. “But you didn’t really elaborate on what the heck ‘Edge’ is supposed to be. Is it magic or something? Can it be taught, or is it some sort of genetic thing?”

“Oh, it’s a taught thing.” Damon explained. “You can’t just be born with the ability to use ‘Edge’. It requires a lot of training and internal strife. As for whether it’s magic or not, I can’t say. I never asked.”

“O-kay, then.”

This whole situation struck me as odd, but Damon’s personality in particular was difficult to pin down. What kind of person would be so oblivious as not to ask something so basic?

“So if it’s a taught thing, who taught you?” I asked.

“An old Chinese Edgelord named Yo-Po. God rest his soul.”

“What, is he dead?”

“Oh, no, he just found out about manga a few years back and stopped doing pretty much anything but reading. A Spanish Edgelord named Mig ‘The Pig’ fell to the same fate not too long after, so I’ve made sure to stay away from the stuff as long as possible. It seems that Japanese comics are very popular with Edgelords.”

Damon’s eyes narrowed.

“Too popular.”

“...You know, I think I’m just gonna be on my way.”

I turned to walk away, but Damon swiftly back-flipped over my head and landed in front of me.

“It’s too late for that now. The JOKS already know where you live. They want the power of Edge wiped from the face of the Earth, and that means destroying anyone who’s so much as witnessed it in action. You’re no longer safe.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?!” I snapped. “Help take down some massive criminal organization?!”

Damon nodded.

“How am I supposed to do that?!”

“I may be relatively inexperienced, but I’m still a powerful Edgelord.” Damon replied. “I can teach you the ways of the Edge. How to fight. How to win. How to survive.”

“...There really isn’t any other option here?”

“Not one that results in you living, there isn’t.”

I sighed in frustration.

“You know what, fine. This doesn’t really sound appealing, but neither does dying, so hey, whatever.”

“Good.” Damon reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of pink Pepto-Bismol tablets, then tossed them to me. “Start by eating these.”

“...Why?”

“These tablets contain high amounts of Bismuth, which naturally enhances Edge. They’re mostly used by new Edge users, but can come in handy for full Edgelords too.”

Damon turned and began walking away, gesturing for me to follow him.

“Besides, I haven’t had diarrhea in years.”

It was at this point I realized I had dove way too deep into this rabbit hole of insanity.

Little did I know that this was just the beginning.

So, whaddaya think? Would you like to see this become a real show? It wouldn't take away from Star Spirit's schedule, just being more of a side thing like the original.