Talk:The Hero/@comment-24922135-20160922174604

Hey I started reading your series, you can stop complaining now! I'm basically writing this feedback as I go, so I might complain about a thing then go back on it later. Cos I don't know how to do that box format you use to do quotes from shows in CaT Reviews, I'll surround quotes from the episode in quotation marks unless quoting someone else.

Very blatant exposition at the start, but funny so it's enjoyable to read. I also swear that I've read this before, but I don't remember ever finishing the episode. I think I might have tried reading the start and giving up a few months ago (how rude of me). I might've tried reading this before I joined the wiki, or maybe just after, but I've definitely read that bit before.

"A swirl of gold nanobots and purple energy swirled around Nova’s legs"

Common practice is to vary the words of a certain type you use in a sentence. I don't know the difference between a noun, adjective, verb etc and google is no help, so just take it from me that describing something as a 'swirling swirl' doesn't read very well.

"grabbing hold of the exhaust pipes lining his shoulders."

Shouldn't that burn? Most machines that need exhaust pipes tend to get very warm, and guess where the heat get's vented?

"She quickly up Theo"

I think you might be -- a word.

"handed the teenagers the baby."

Was that meant to be plural? I was lead to believe there was only one teenager present, unless a few friends showed up while the house was ablaze.

Also Isaac's kind of a moron isn't he? Did he not see the part of the news report (which I imagine he had to see to know about Theo) with the baby? Does he know how long babies can breath heavy smoke for? Cos it isn't very long. Speaking of news reports, how long must Theo and Nova been running for if the fire department and news station showed up, reviewed the family, and put it to air at least once before they got home?

"tomorrow at two PM."

I never really thought about it before, but shouldn't times in this fashion be written in their numeric form instead? as in '2 PM' not 'two PM'. The latter just kinda looks weird.

"Nova: Then enough lollygagging."



"Standing in front of them was a somewhat tall, white synthetic with long blue ‘hair’ and a green uniform."

Synthetic what? I know she's a humanoid robot cos I've seen Alpha's page. But from a story point of view this isn't Fallout, you can't just call someone a synth and expect people to understand. For all the reader knows, Alpha is now a talking polyester jacket made of synthetic fibers.

"Alpha: It is was an alien"

Someone phone the mechanic, the synth's broken again.

"I recognize that your parents have made a decision, but seeing as it is a moronic decision, I have elected to ignore it."

I don't remember Alpha's artwork being of a one-eyed black man in a leather overcoat.