Talk:Occult/@comment-24351229-20160829230930

Eh, this is the main problem I have with a lot of series I just happen to read. I know this is a Ben 10 Fan Fiction wiki, but you introduce things such as "Ben Tennyson", the Omntirix, and a Kineceleran without a physical description as if the reader is supposed to have prior knowledge of what it is, which becomes a huge problem when, say, I get completely unrecognizable species names such as whatever Diamondhead's species name is; even I as a Ben 10 fan may become confused at that.

That seems to be the problem with most fanfictions in general, though.

I feel that it was sort of fast-paced and boring, and that some sentences weren't worded properly. Such as, Mack pulled himself over the window and stared downwards, and after conquering his fear jumped down" (What fear? You kind of missed the "Cause" from the "Cause and Effect" action here).

The whole "naming your aliens" thing sounds really corny in the way it was worded in this episode, but then again Mack is twelve so that's perfectly fine.

I would've liked it if you actually showed us how shitty Mack's life is, instead of cramming it into exposition; that would've been cool.