Talk:Gwen 10 Returns/@comment-24922135-20170406152418

Apparently this is a thing I'm doing now

Ultimate Heaatblast shoots a bea of fire at Rook and Gwen, easily knocking them out.

I know this is a typo (well two actually), and I choose to imagine what it meant to say was "shoots a bee of fire".

Another thing: I assume at this point they're training? In which case: knocking people out is something they should avoid. knocking people out can have adverse effects on their health, when what training is supposed to be for is making everyone stronger.

Ultimate Heatblast breathes a fire ball from his mouth and it hit Kevin, turning him back to his normal form.

"breathes a fireball" this sounds incredibly underwhelming.

Also it says in the 'aliens used' section that Gwen used her Petrosapien form first, when her Chronian form was first. Note from the future: That should also say Chronian (x2)

Ultimate Heatblast then draws out a whip made of fire from his stomach Oh cool Eon grabs the whip I beg your pardon?

Eon: See you later Ben!

Ultimate Heatblast lets go of the whip and charges at Eon, knocking him back into his portal.

>Eon is already running away

>Ben pursues him to knock him into the portal he is running towards

>Lets him run into the portal anyway without following

Why tho?

Chronian: Ben!?

Gwen 10/100 should recognise Ben, whether or not that means recognising him as Ben Prime.

Also whoo boy I have a bunch of problems with the dialogue that follows

Gwen 100: Gwen 100 actually. I am the future version of Gwen 10.

Ben: But you are only 17. Last time I saw you, you were 10.

BEN. JESUS CHRIST. SHE JUST SAID FUTURE VERSION OF GWEN 10

Gwen 100: I never took of the Omnitrix, like you did. Come on, we have to stop Eon.
 * * off
 * that first comma doesn't need to be there.
 * Sure just kill the small talk why don't you, Gwen? It's not like you just used a time alien or something that you could have used to make sure you recover any time wasted.

Kevin: Eon can wait. So how did you meet Gwen 10, Ben?

Why is that what Kevin asks? This implies that Kevin was never told about Ben's multiversal exploits. Which means Kevin should be asking who the hell Gwen 10 is in the first place.

Gwen 100: Gwen 100!!

Oh and another thing: Kevin has no reason to ever be calling her 'Gwen 10'. If he doesn't know how Ben and Gwen met, then he never met Gwen 10. If she never met Gwen 10, he has no reason to make a mistake with Gwen 100's name especially after Gwen just said explicitly that she is no longer Gwen 10.

Gwen 100: Of course, I'm awaiting my 977 alien transformation.

* 977th alien transformation. And then there's the question of whether transformation means how many times she has used the trix or how many forms she has.

Rook and Gwen wake up.

Gwen: Uh, Ben, is that me?

Wow I actually forgot about theses shit-munchers. Okay first of all she is way too aware for someone who just woke up from a coma. second of all this episode would have been much better if it was just Kevin and Ben training, with Gwen and Rook showing up in the training room later after they saw two versions of Eon on CCTV.

Speaking of which... They are in the Plumber HQ training room, right? You haven't actually established where this scene is taking place at all.

Gwen 100: Yes, instead of me being an Anodite-Human hybrid, you are. Also, Charmcaster is on our side instead of your enemy Kevin.

Okay as someone who likes Gwen 10 a lot, I had thought about the concept of Ben having the spark instead to compensate. I wondered what role Kevin would play, and him being replaced by Charmcaster as the reformed love interest is a pretty good idea. Sure it's somewhat out of character for Charmcaster, but it's also out of character for Ben to study enough to learn magic. I like this small detail. Well played.

Although I have to deduct points because the way she words it makes it sound like Kevin Prime is Ben Prime's enemy.

Kevin: Is that why you attacked me?

Clearly, I read this episode better than you did. Chronian Gwen showed up and detransformed, that's all she did. She never attacked Kevin. Ben did, but Gwen didn't.

Gwen 100: Yeah, sorry about that.

Kevin: It's okay.

I feel like Kevin should have a quip here, like "It's okay, I know what I can be like."

The scene shows Eon with a machine

What machine? I'm assuming you mean some big alien computer kinda thing, but I'm going to choose to imagine him with a tamagotchi because you haven't given me anything to believe otherwise (yet).

Gwen 100 transforms into Ditto.

Based on how she names her aliens later in the episode, no she doesn't. Also 'Splixson' isn't listed as one of her used aliens in the list.

>Project Famigilia

This character has no page on either wiki and no description in the episode. Also Famigilia should be female. Even if her voice is distorted her gender has no changed as far as I know.

Multiple Ditto clones shield Frankenstrike

Friggin why? Frankenstrike is more durable than Ditto is!

Machine: Destroying Dimension of Gwen 100.

This story is very much and "and then" kinda story. You should be aiming to write "and therefore" stories, where everything has a reason that the audience can follow.

Infern: You were suppose to destroy both Tennysons!

Okay but as far as I gathered, Infern only gives a damn about Ben Prime? Why is he involving the multiverse in this and at that point why stop at just Gwen 100? Screw it, just get a Chronosapien Time Bomb and wipe out every Ben.

Also why would Infern want to destroy his own timeline? Both he and his toy project Famigilia are from this timeline.

Infern: No more chances, now you will be destroyed, the deal's off, unless you can kill the Tennyson's as well.


 * 1) That sounds like a second chance to me
 * 2) * Tennysons

Infern lights a fire ball just as two figures show up.

Oh great these assholes are here. How did they even find Infern and Eon?

As much as I like the dialogue between Rath and Chronian Gwen (it fits both characters), now is very much not the time. Maybe Rath doesn't care but Gwen should know better than to goad him on at this point.

Ultimate Rath: LEMME TELL YOU FIVE THINGS EON. ONE, RATH IS MAD! TWO, YOU WILL BE BEATEN BY RATH, FIVE, RATH IS MAD!!!!

While point #2 isn't what I'd expect to hear Ultimate Rath say, this line is actually pretty good. Fits what I'd expect Ultimate Rath to say well tbqh.

Ultimate Rath swings Eon around in circles, and then lets go, All good. sending him flying towards the sun.

He chucks a seed at Chronian Gwen, causing her eyes to go red.

Infern: Chronian Pheromone, modified to give me full control over the form, and lasts until the gas is forcibly taken out, even if the victim isn't a Chronian.

First: The seed never gives off any gas according to what we are told

Second: He says it gives him full control over the Chronian form, then goes on to say that the victim doesn't need to be a Chronian? That doesn't make sense. And apparently killing whoever is in control has no adverse effect on the victim. Spectacular.

Why does Eon want his own dimension now? If he really wanted one I'm sure there's plenty out there in the infinite multiverse that would happily surrender control to him.

Only Ben and a Charmcaster survived though.

>A Charmcaster

>implying there are/were multiple in Gwen 100's dimension

Also how the hell does Gwen 100 know who survived? She wasn't expecting her timeline to be destroyed, so why were Ben and Charmcaster somehow spared?

Ben and Charmcaster teleport in.

I think this would've benefited from actually explaining that they were dragged into this timeline by Clockwork. Clockwork, by the way, also not listed in the aliens that show up!

Over all the episode was meh. Decent set up, with some nice thought behind Gwen 100. However poor pacing, poor descriptions of what is happening, and a poor show from the villains really drags it back. The episode also really suffers from being shorter than my review of it. I think the highlight of the episode itself was Ultimate Rath, who really embodies the enhanced arrogance expected from an evolution of everyone's favourite orange angry tiger man. I would tone it down a little though, phrases like "EIGHT COMES AFTER WHATEVER RATH SAYS IT COMES AFTER!" risk going into UpChuck Norris levels of dialogue.