Talk:Newest Hero/@comment-24922135-20160608223832

(remember that this is constructive criticism, and not an attack against you or the work in any way. any critique here is to help improve your work in the future, as it can be hard to improve without criticism.)

not gonna lie, this episode was kinda hard to follow. especially during the fight scene. In an episode just over five microsoft word pages long, you introduced seven (presumably) major characters, some having no more than a few lines. That's a lot for a reader to take in.

Like I've said before, it's a good idea to write your episodes in another program/website first, so you can revise your work and spend multiple days on it to make it right. Heck, you could even make your own secret wiki for the draft versions of the episodes.

Also I feel like some of the exposition comes off unnaturally. Lets use my own The Unitrix Earth as an example. All of the exposition is given in dialogue, so the reader is learning as the characters are (at least I tried to, CaT didn't seem to be irritated by it). In this all of the back story and exposition is given in the not-dialogue parts, so it feels clunky. Its like we know something but only because were the omniscient gods watching these events take place. It kinda makes sure the reader knows they aren't an onlooker of the events in the story.

For context of what I mean, imagine if in Star Wars IV: A New Hope there was a narrator that said "Obi Wan Kenobi had fought in the Clone Wars alongside the Republic, before the Empire was founded" right as Obi Wan was introduced. That would be distracting and annoying. Instead we get some dialogue between Obi Wan and Luke talking about the past of the Jedi after Obi Wan shows Luke a lightsaber.

On the bright side, the set up at the end was intriguing. I feel like it could have been improved by making sure we DIDN'T know who the ectonurite was. I was thinking 'maybe it's Zs'kayer!' until the not-dialogue (forgot what that part's called) gave him away as Shadra.

Ultimately promising work, since this episode is mostly set up I imagine future episodes not having these problems. I look forward to seeing where the series goes from here.