Talk:The Surface/@comment-1893650-20170707214720

thoughts:

>not a huge fan of this pretty much ripping off one of the major plot points of gurren lagann tbh, especially with your record of uh, you know. there could have been more exposition to make this more interesting and separate from gurren lagann but you just jump straight to "let's visit the SURFACE" (on second thought i guess jumping straight to visiting the surface is pretty interesting so yeah keep it like that i think)

>why does he keep walking if shes waiting for her to come through the teleporter?!?! this could have easily been rewritten to make sense

>nice gay people

>i don't like this tempo change between them going to the surface and her just getting the watch tbh... like her getting the watch should be like way more after she starts to explore the surface world or before imo. not to mention this luck seems really tacked on unless you have an interesting explanation for this.

>spacing your dialogue is still a problem apparently from what other people have said. it still looks pretty cramped up imo

other than that the writing quality is honestly great, transition from teleportation hub is pretty good like cat said, theres some cliches here and there but they're mostly standable, most of my issues are with the plot itself.

also you still have one f word left fyi