User blog:Sci100/Where I've Been, What I've Done, How I Feel

Title explains it all.... I just wanna get this all out there, so you guys at least know what I've been doing.

March 2016
During this time, I spent time trying to establish connections to the outside world, getting comfortable with not being on Wikia. A big portion of this was following and being followed on Twitter, getting an Instagram, and just starting to expand my horizons a bit. I started to help a friend with a short film of his by reading over his script and giving him some suggestions. I also began developing a murder-mystery play that I really want to be able to work on later.

In mid-March, there was a lot of writing I was doing, and it wasn’t the fun find. I had to do a research project, and so as a result, I went to a college university for an all-day field trip. My project ended up being about net neutrality and its importance, which I know a lot of us care about here on BTFF. It was worth an assessment (test) grade, so I had to spend a lot of time getting it right. I got a 92%.

I had a lot of SAT Prepping too. If you’re not American, the SAT is one of two big tests that colleges use to determine if you’re worthy. Essentially, you do good, you’ll have a good life. You do bad, you’re gonna have a horrible life – well, at least that’s what they say to scare you into doing well. I had to go to Khan Academy a lot, do some packets, it was really… really boring, and it took up a lot of time.

The biggest thing however, was my mom. You see, back in the summer of last year she was carrying a load of dishes when she fell down the steps and injured her shoulder. Well, she did more than a small injury. Since then, the pain in her shoulder has only increased further and further, and when she went to see the doctor, she was told that she would need surgery to repair the damage. For those of who you aren’t into medical stuff, the procedure is known as Shoulder arthroscopy. Basically, they cut into your shoulder in small incisions, look at the damage, and then repair it. There was some inflamed issue, and her rotator cuff was in the wrong spot. Not fun. So, towards the end of March, she had surgery, and that began my time helping her out.

April 2016
In April, a lot was going on. Spring Break. SATs. A crush. Yeah.

So, Spring Break began – and I was busy helping my mom. Imagine your mom being literally unable to use her right arm, the arm she writes with. I mean – that’s really really hard. Not just on her, on me too. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that the arm is a lot more important then I realized. So, I had to become my mom’s arm. I had to clean. I had to wash. I had to do laundry. I had to drive her to places. I had to do everything my mom couldn’t, which was basically everything. So I had no spring break. I didn’t get one – I didn’t get to relax.

Immediately following Spring Break was the SAT and other state testing. Oh. My. God. The essay was really hard to do and my handwriting was horrid. The Math Calculator portion was the most difficult section of the multiple choice. Now obviously for legal reasons I can’t tell you guys what the essay was about, but I’m glad that’s over. On the plus side though, I got a 1250 out of 1600, so that’s a plus. With the SAT and state testing over, classes immediately started going into the final semester content, which I’m sure many of you know tends to be when the hardest stuff is taught. I started struggling in my two hardest classes, Chemistry and Algebra 2. Both kept sliding back and forth between a C and a B.In English, I had to begin reading a book called The Things They Carried, a book that’s semi-fictional, semi-nonfictional dealing with Vietnam. The heavy symbolism and complex stories made it difficult to understand at times. I also struggled with some more complex issues. During late March and into April, I started having a crush on someone in one of my classes. Now, it’s one thing when you’re having a crush on someone. It’s another when you’re having a crush on someone, and you have to deal with the fact that they might be straight – which I ended up confirming that he was very much straight. That led to a period of depression, because I came to the conclusion that although I have interest in dating, I’m just not in a position in my life where I can date. I don’t have a license, I don’t have freedom, and I’m not even fully out. Even if I was in a better position, there’s still the problem that as far as I know, I’m the only gay student at my school (we have lesbians and a trans student, but no gay guys). The depression affected my grades, and my Chemistry grade slipped down to a D. My parents, following the disaster that was my APUSH grade last year, noticed and hence…. I was grounded. I had limited time on the computer, so when I did have chances, I had to make choices of what to do. Ultimately, I chose to write, because I felt that was the wisest choice. To make up for the time as well, I tried to squeeze in as much as I could during school too, but I had to be primarily focused on schoolwork.

In late April, I began preparing for another big test: AP English Language and Composition. Now, we’ve been practicing writing three different types of essays all year, but the biggest thing was multiple choice. In multiple choice, you have to read passages and analyze them for rhetoric (most of the time) to answer the questions. It’s kind of like your average state tests, but on a college level. Keep in mind too, AP courses are essentially college classes in high school – so this was basically a college exam.

The stress was real.

May 2016
In May, my first week began with … DUN DUN DUN. Driver’s Ed – Segment 2. I’ve been waiting to do this for almost a year now, and it’s been half-procrastination, half-inability to do it (same could be said about other things lol) but I finally got into it. Have any of you taken Driver’s Ed Seg. 2? For me, it was a fear tactics course. Basically, the instructor told a bunch of stories to scare everyone from doing anything stupid. To keep us from texting and driving, she showed us a video that was made of a scenario where a person got into a car accident because of texting, and ended up killing an entire family in a car: Mom, Dad, pre-teen, and a baby. To keep us from drinking and driving, she wrote down all the various costs and bills we’d have to pay as a result of a DUI/DWI. Occasionally, she would tell us something useful about the driving test.

In the week immediately following (two weeks ago – actually), I took the AP English Language and Composition test. Three-and-a-half hours long. An hour of multiple choice. Two hours of essay writing – 40 minutes for each essay (there were 3 essays). But where is the “half hour” come from? Setting-up and cleaning-up before and after the test. It was exhausting. Immediately following that, I had to study for two big tests: a chapter test and … a unit test. Guess for what classes? Chemistry and Algebra. So now we’ve come here.

Apologies
Look – ultimately, I was gone for a while. It wasn’t a “Sci left the Wiki” scenario, it was a “Sci took a leave of absence – an extended leave”, and I do have some regrets. I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I just kind of “vanished”. I just needed some time off, to take care of some big real world problems and to try and find out what was out there in a post-Wikia future.

I’m sorry to the administration. I’ve seen the messages now and – I know there’s no real excuse I can give for that. I know you’re upset – disappointed – frustrated – but I’m here. I want to keep my promise. I don’t know how much that means but…. I hope the last two… maybe three months… have been okay. Yes, I couldn’t help with any events that have happened, and I know that honestly – I don’t deserve the right of bureaucrat anymore. But I think I’ve know that for a while now, and I think this is just another example of why I’m… why I’m not the same anymore.

I’m sorry to my friends – I know I’ve been away for a long time. I wasn’t here to discuss all the DC revelations, and I wasn’t … there to be with you. My dad has been telling me lately that while I care for my mom, eventually I have to stop thinking about her and just do things for myself. Maybe that’s right, maybe that’s wrong… but he said that I owed it to myself to do things and to take care of myself. Because I need to take care of myself. I’m sorry if that makes me … anything bad.

Yes. This blog is an excuse. I just hope that this … period of awkwardness fades away, and things just… slide back to place. I can’t promise that I’m going to be here every day from now on. But I can promise that I’m not just going to get demoted and go “poof”. Even if it takes me to mid-June, I’ll be back.

My story here has a few chapters left… I’m not gone yet. I hope you understand.