User blog comment:Sci100/I don't know anymore.../@comment-3074300-20140703170511

Since Sci started this life story stuff with a blog, I guess I should join too (he even mentioned me)

And Sci you already know.

My problem is very similar to all of you guys' problems, but different too. I recently changed countries and I thought it was going to be easy. I was wrong. I am a guest at my school, repeating the 7th grade not because I did bad last year but because I need to learn the language better. That wasn't easy as I thought either. My parents recently talked about my social life and how I need to not do everything on the internet. I got pissed like hell that day but I know they were right and at the end I agreed with them. They ARE right. In my freetime, I either go to the swimming pool or do stuff on the Internet. All kinds of stuff, stuff that you may even find awkward. I mean, googling random things, listening to songs over and over again, having 5-6 tabs open at once and multitasking, yes, I will answer what you're all thinking right now - Yes, I do that. Or I guess I used to. I'm not quite sure myself yet. Because of all this time on the Internet with people (people that, with no offense to you guys, my parents call unrealistic and fake because "I don't know you in IRL") I lost touch with reality. I prefer to stay on the laptop instead of going outside. Here comes the next part. I though there was nothing bad with being on the internet so bad and I just found taking pointless walks around places you've been to before boring. I THOUGHT I was right about that (too) but I was wrong... AGAIN. All this time on the internet, I may or may not have developed a second personality. The actual me who is calm and logical, and the me you know before you saw this message - the nukes, the rps, the acting badash, the Attack on Titan obsessed guy, the guy who kills Reo with imaginary weapons via plain text. Let's just call the real me Real Nick and the other guy Online Nick. Real Nick is who I've been trying to get back at being for the past few years or so. I can't. I thought I could just wake up one day and say "I'm done with this crap, I'm not letting it bother me anymore", I was wrong. It didn't work. The internet made me Online Nick and pretty much screwed up my social life... irl, that is. In real life, I am constantly seeking people's approval, trying to impress them or make them laugh but in reality I'm acting awkward because... again, too much time on the internet and transformation into Online Nick. I thought it was normal, again, but it wasn't.

The way I am talking right now, that's Real Nick... I hope. I still haven't left this stuff behind.

Anyway, what my main point is, as some of you may know I recently went inactive, sort of. That's because I decided to dump Online Nick and return to being Real Nick by staying away from video games, internet, wikia, you name it. It... SORT of works, but it's been less than a week, I can't change that fast. But still, I can't help but miss you guys. I know my parents are right about the internet but still, I really do miss this place, even when I want to stay away from it. I only came on at this moment and yesterday because my mom let me.

And that, guys, is the reason why I went inactive. Honestly even if I never found BTFF I would still have the Online vs Real conflict. I need to find balance and until then I have to minimize my time on the internet. Yes, the internet overall, unless its for people I know IRL.

In addition to that, I am still hoping to dump Online Nick in a lake. And with that, I am saying this - I am sorry for almost every single bad thing I said to anyone ever, unless it was for a good reason. That includes noobs. I was wrong. They shouldn't have been treated the way I treated them and only now do I see that the approach Sci was originally going to take towards them a few months ago was the right one after all. I couldn't see it, and again, I'm sorry.

- I am sorry for annoying people with RPs, telling them to STFU, acting all bossy and thinking I'm at a higher position that the others because of my admin status.

- I am sorry for the RPs again. In this one I am referring to Charbel, Lego and Reo specifically. Making up imaginary weapons and long walls of text was a stupid thing to do, only now do I see it. I am sorry for "Killing" (or whatever the hell you want to call it anymore) people and pissing off most of them while I was at it.

The three things I listed above were Online Nick, not Real Nick, but I'm still sorry.

Also, I am on the edge of demoting myself or keeping my rights, I will decide that later.

And lastly, Attack on Titan: Gale. Luckily, Real Nick still has the intend to write it... after the conflict with Online Nick is over, that is. It is still on hiatus and I hope it won't last that long.

Well people, that was it. My life story and a lot of things you may have wanted to know about me. That's all. Thanks for reading.