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Nothing.

Nothing's been happening this past week.

I barely even got out one piece of shitpost art (shown below) and that took days.

It seemed like the Prozac was working for a few days but then it just kinda stopped.

That's what happens with all my meds.

I'm really screwed.

Nothing of note.

I can control and exploit my autism online to be "mister haha funny meme man" all I want but that doesn't change the fact that I haven't been responsible about handling it. I don't know if it's out of denial or willful ignorance, but I have a tendency to not acknowledge how bad this shit actually holds me back in life.

I might come off as educated sometimes, and to a point I am, but learning is actually very difficult for me. I was able to do all the basic-ass shit you learn as a kid really well so everyone assumed I was "gifted" and had really high expectations for me. Problem is once I hit a certain point, I just physically was not able to keep up, but since everyone expected good shit from me, I had to lie and cheat my way through pretty much the entire last half of my education to keep up appearances. Other people's expectations lead to me setting up an unreasonable expectation for myself, and I always felt like shit because I could never live up to it.

Eventually, I just burned out entirely and stopped giving a shit. If manipulation was the only way to get through, then that's how it was going to be. I ended up not really learning anything other than how to pretend I was learning things. The ultimate irony is that once I got to college, I didn't seem to be any less prepared than anyone else in my classes. I don't know what that says about the education system.

Regardless, now that I'm actually in college, it's a lot more difficult to bullshit my way through a course simply because of how they're designed. Seeing as how my autism hasn't suddenly reversed itself and made me not disabled, this is a pretty big goddamn issue.

Oh, and let's not forget to mention that the learning issues made me absolutely terrible at my job when I first started because I literally could not understand what was going on. My entire first year there I thought I was going to get fired at some point. The only reason I'm okay at it now is because of a shitton of trial and error. I hate my job and I wish I could switch careers, but deep down I know there's not much else I could actually do.

Some people say they're "proud" of being autistic and wouldn't change it for the world. If you're in a life situation that just so happens to be advantageous for you, I can understand that to an extent, but for most of us, this shit is absolutely debilitating and is going to end with us doing dead-end jobs having dead-end lives and being forgotten by the world the second we drop dead. I have no real future. I'm at my limit here and there's no way to fix that.

Something tells me even if my depression wasn't genetic I'd end up depressed a lot anyways.



Art Corner

Totally Legit Fursona!!1!

By ChromastoneandTabby

There have been multiple claims about me being A: a girl, and B: a furry, and while neither of these are particularly accurate, I find it easier to go with the meme than to fight it.

There's a short clip from a promo that show Ben transforming into what looks like a new alien. We don't know what it actually looks like in full or really anything about it at all other than that it exists.

Well, that's it for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed the eighty-fifth issue of The CaT Gazette! Feedback and support are appreciated!